Sincerely Seventeen “Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday Dear Jame and Jane, Happy Birthday to you!” Everyone sang to me and my sister on our Sixteenth Birthday. “Blow out the candles, make a wish.” I made a wish, but my wish wasn’t to have my whole teen life ruined. Here is my story, let me introduce myself. My name is Jame Madison and I am sixteen years old. I was born and raised in Atlanta Georgia. I am an honor roll student and a dedicated Christian at New Hope Eastview Missionary Baptist Church. My family has it’s up’s and down’s just like any other family but, I still love them. I have a twin sister, her name is Jane, and we are like day and night. She is like my best friend; I tell her everything and anything. My two older brothers are overly protective, they can’t accept the fact that were getting older and were growing up. Markaylind, who is twenty-three, is really busy all the time so, we hardly get to see him as much as we want to. Devontea, who is nineteen years old, is in college, when he isn’t studying or partying he tries to see us as much as he can. Back to me, I am a people person I get along with everyone and everyone gets along with me. I have a lot of plans after I graduate, I love to write so, I want to go to NYU and major in journalism. I want to be in a big city with a lot to offer, and I want to meet new people and see new things. Then soon after I would want to live my dream and aspire to become a singer. There’s just so much I would love to do with my life-well there was until my life took a dramatic turn. Saturday night my friends and I went to Club Chanel, I love going out with them, we have so much fun. We were all dancing having a good time when a really cute guy approached me. I was really shocked that he came over to approach me. He grabbed me by the hand and said to me, “Will you dance with me?” I looked at him and nodded my head with a yes. He was brown skinned with big hypnotizing hazel eyes, his hair was cut into a fade, he had deep beautiful dimples that showed when he smiled at me, and he smelled so good, I couldn’t resist him. We danced and talked all night about everything that came to our minds. By the end of the night we exchanged phone numbers and he promised he would call. Our conversation was coming to an end when he asked me, “Do you have a boyfriend?” The question caught me off guard but, I pretended like it was nothing. I told him, “Not at the time”, I left him with a hug and told him I would be waiting for his call. The next night I doubted that he would even call, I was thinking we wouldn’t have much else to talk about, a lot of thoughts were running through my head. Finally the phone rang and it was him, Marquel. We talked for hours on the phone that night, we had a lot of things in common. There is just a slight age difference, he’s nineteen and I’m sixteen, he’s only three years older than me its no big deal. He asked me to be his girl and I squealed with an exciting yes, we started going out together to the movies and out to eat, we were together 24/7. Marquel and I “hooked up” a week before my birthday. Weeks turned into months and those months turned into a wonderful year. We loved each other-well at least I loved him, so we decided to take it to the next step. I was a virgin before I met Marquel, I loved and trusted him to the fullest extent so I felt like I was ready. I had no regrets about what I had done, even though I was always the one who said, “I’m going to wait until marriage.” It all changes when you’re in love, and in my case I was in love. The next month I was sleeping a lot and I was getting morning sickness, I didn’t really think it was a big deal. It all hit me when I didn’t get my period, I was in denial and different things were running through my head. I told my sister with tears streaming down my face, “Jane, I think I’m pregnant-I don’t know for sure but I think I am”. She just looked at me with disbelief and said to me, “We need to go get a pregnancy test quick!” We went to go get a test and took it back to the house, I did what I had to do and all we could do was wait. It was the longest 15 minutes of my life; I was shaking and was hoping for the result to come up negative. My sister grabbed the pregnancy test off the marbled sink and squealed, “Oh my God!” I didn’t know if that was a bad thing or a good thing, I jumped up and grabbed the pregnancy test from her hand and it was positive. My sister was ecstatic, she was already planning for the baby. While I was sitting there wondering what the hell I was going to do. I was shaking and my head was spinning with thoughts, I was wondering what people were going to think of me. As soon as I thought of my mama I busted out with tears. My sister went from her happy moment to crying and comforting me. People always seen me as the good girl, I sang in church, I got good grades I did everything a good girl does! I’m independent and I have my own job, I just don’t understand. I never thought that I would be in this position, I can’t believe I put myself in a situation like this. All I could think of was that this can’t happen to me; this doesn’t happen to girls like me. Why me? I was praying to God and in my prayer I asked him for forgiveness over and over again. I just couldn’t handle all of the stress, here I am now seventeen years old, still in school, and I probably have to get a second job to support the baby. My dreams were just fading right in front of me, my sister just kept telling me, “Girl, it’s a blessing from God, he’ll take care of you along the way.” My biggest challenge was to tell Marquel that was about to be a daddy. Marquel might be fine and a top shelf boyfriend but he’s not all goody, goody like I made him to seem. He runs the streets all hours of the night, he smokes, he drinks, he’s had run INS with the law and he cheated on me a few times. The thing that hurt me most is he cheated on me with one of my best friends, well she was supposed to be my friend. I promised myself I would tell him A.S.A.P. the next day. The next day I saw Marquel at the basketball court with his friends so, I waited until he was done with his game. When he was done with his game he walked over to me sweaty and out of breath then gave me a kiss. I hesitated on telling him and he knew something was wrong with me. He looked at me with concern and said, “Baby what’s wrong.” I told him that nothing was wrong with me, he caressed my face and said, “Something is up what’s wrong baby.” I calmly told him, “Okay I’m pregnant.” There was an awkward silence for a while and he looked away as if he was figuring out to himself what he was going to do. He finally looked at me and told me everything was going to be okay and he would take care of me and the baby. I believed him of course and I thought everything would be okay. I finally got the strength to tell my mama, I was scared and I didn’t know how she would react. I held my breath as I went into the kitchen. There my mama was at the table working on her puzzle drinking her coffee, she looked up at me and invited me to sit down. I sat down nervously and began to talk to my mama; I was beating around the bush. I took a deep breath and told her, “Mama, umm I’m pregnant.” She just looked at me and said, “I know”, I was shocked and was wondering how she knew. The only name that came to mind was Jane, I wanted to see her and chew her out so bad. Then she said, “If your wondering if your sister told me, she didn’t.” I was scared and asked nervously, “Mama then how do you know.” She looked at me and said, “Every mother knows their baby girl, and I know baby.” I just started crying and apologizing to her that’s all I could do. She gave me the biggest hug and we cried together, that’s what I needed was a hug from my mama. My mama made the same mistake when she was younger, she had my brother at a young age. She always told me if I made the same mistake then she couldn’t say anything to me, she also told me not to follow her footsteps. She never wanted me to make the same mistake she made. She was waiting for me to tell her and she asked me what I was going to do. I told her I was keeping the baby; I don’t believe in abortion. I know deep down inside that my mama was hurt, but she is a strong person and she didn’t want to show it. I went to my aunt’s house the next day for dinner, the whole family goes there to eat and gossip. When I walked in the door everyone got quiet and looked at me weird, then I just knew the family found out. I thought that I would be the gossip of the day and even thought they would all judge me. Instead everyone was happy and talked to me about the whole situation, I felt relieved. My brothers weren’t too happy when they found out but, they just need time to accept it. They haven’t even met Marquel yet and they despise him. School wasn’t helping my situation; I had rumors and more rumors flying around about me. People were saying I didn’t know who the father of my baby was. Girls started to look down on me and were talking about me behind me back, some were my friends-well I thought they were my friends. I fell into deep depression and felt like the whole world was caving in on me, some friends turned their backs on me and I felt alone. I didn’t let that or anything else get to me and affect my work. I didn’t care what anyone thought of me as long as God forgave me. Only he can judge me and that is that. All of a sudden there were girls trying to fight me just because they liked my boyfriend, I didn’t know what I got myself into. I had jealous girls I didn’t know trying to fight me and on top of that they were lying to my boyfriend trying to break us up. Marquel called me one night yelling at me questioning me, asking me if I ever cheated on him and if the baby was even his. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, I told him in a shaky voice, “How could you ask me something like that, you are the only person I have ever been with.” He started telling me he says she says stuff and I couldn’t believe that he would believe someone else over me. He made me fall into deeper depression I couldn’t believe that he was denying our child, questioning if I ever cheated. Months passed, my belly got bigger and I started to feel a little better about myself. I started to embrace my pregnancy with the support from my family and close friends. At first I was insecure about the whole thing, because when I used to see a young girl pregnant, I used to think bad things of them. I didn’t necessarily look down on them but, I just didn’t think it was right. This baby is going to be my little blessing, not a mistake, but a blessing. I’m going to have to push my selfish ways to the side and become a mom, even though I’m just a child myself. I’m going to have a big responsibility to take care of for the rest of my life. Marquel is around when he can be, he’s always too “busy” with things to do. I have a feeling that he is seeing someone else but, I can’t let that get to me right now, I can’t stress over him because I have my baby to worry about. He’s not ready to be a dad, when I go to my doctor appointments he never shows up. When I question him about it he always says to me, “I’m out here making money to take care of you and this baby.” He isn’t the person he used to be, I don’t believe anything he says now, because everything he says is a lie. At my next doctor’s appointment I’m going to find out what I’m having, I don’t care what it is as long as the baby is healthy. My mama is always making jokes about how big I’m getting, yesterday she said, “Girl you’re getting big as a house.” I picked up a few pounds since my pregnancy and everyone was saying they think I’m too big for being just six months. I didn’t really think much of their comments; I thought it was just going to be a big healthy baby. My appointment was the next morning and of course Marquel was nowhere to be found so, my sister agreed to go with me. I was nervous and excited all at the same time, I went in to see the doctor and got ready for my ultra sound. The doctor told me to lie down and he had to apply cold gel on my belly, I was ready to see what I was having. We looked on the little screen and saw two heads, I thought that my eyes were playing tricks on me. The doctor looked at me with a big smile and said, “Congratulations, your having twins!” I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t know if I wanted to laugh or cry. There I was lying there and I could see my babies, twins, a boy and a girl. My sister cried with laughter and ran over to give me a hug singing, “I’m going to be the best auntie!” On the way home I kept thinking to myself, twins, as if one wasn’t enough, I’m having twins. This was not in my plan for life at all, I didn’t think I would get pregnant with twins at the age of seventeen but these babies are gifts from God. Everyone was so happy they couldn’t wait for the babies to get here, especially my mama she was going shopping for the babies getting everything. Every time we got near the baby section in the store she couldn’t help herself, she was excited and ready. Marquel wasn’t so excited about the whole thing, he came over and we had a long discussion. He said, “Baby, I’m happy and everything but, what are we going to do with two babies? We didn’t even know what we were going to do with one.” I looked him in the eye and said, “What do you mean by that, were going to be good parents and take care of these babies together.” He doesn’t understand because, he’s not ready to grow up, he can’t accept the fact that he’s going to have to give up running the streets. He doesn’t understand that I have to put my ways aside and he has to do the same. I looked at him with tears in my eyes and told him what I felt, I said, “Marquel, I didn’t make these babies on my own, so I’m not going to raise them on my own. When you came into my life I thought everything was good, but you took my life on a turn for the worst.” I was so angry and upset things just started pouring out and I couldn’t hold it in anymore. He started to get upset, I could tell it in his eyes, he looked at me and said, “I don’t know-I just don’t know what to do, all of this just happened too fast and were too young. I know we weren’t thinking at first but this is just too much, I love you well-I think I love you, I’m just confused right now baby. Our conversation just stuck with me that night and all I could do was cry and think about the future of my babies. Two months passed, next month is my due date and I’m stressing thinking about Marquel, thinking is he even going to be in the babies’ lives. The way he was talking to me it seems that he’s too scared to step up and take care of his responsibilities, I’m a fool for falling for him, I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m not regretting any of this because it’s only making me a stronger person. I’m going to have these beautiful babies to wake up to everyday and have something to really live for. Things have settled down at school and my friends are really excited for the babies to get here, I know they will love and spoil them just like my family. I was starting to sleep in class, even though I didn’t try to because, walking around being pregnant with twins can be tiring. One day after school I got off the bus and I started walking toward the house and saw decoration and balloons outside but, I didn’t really pay attention to it because all I could think of was getting in the house and going to sleep. I opened the door and walked in the house and people jumped out screaming, “Surprise!!” My family and friends threw me a big baby shower I was so happy I couldn’t express it if I wanted to. I was so blessed to have a loving family and loving friends to care about me. Marquel didn’t show up until the end of the baby shower, I was kind of disappointed, but I don’t expect much from him anymore. He walked in and looked at me, he knew that I was mad at him. He apologized for being late to the baby shower as he came over to give me a kiss and rubbed my growing belly. My mama can’t stand Marquel, she does not like him, and she gives him the ugliest look when he comes to visit. I could see that my mama wanted to say something to him so bad, but whatever it was she did a good job of holding it in. She doesn’t want to interfere with Marquel and I because if she does it will not be pretty. I just couldn’t wait for the next month to have my babies and hold them in my arms, that’s all I want right now. That next month I woke up around three in the morning and I felt a lot of pressure, I got up to use the restroom when my water broke. I yelled for my mama, thinking I didn’t make it to the restroom, (it seems funny now) but she got everything and rushed me to the hospital. The contractions were coming back to back and the pain was unbearable, it seem like it took forever to get to the hospital. It took fifteen minutes for me to even see a doctor, the pain was getting worse and it was kicking my ass. My mama was showing me breathing exercises, she kept telling me to breath, breath. When they finally got me ready for the delivery, I was worn out and ready to have the babies. I was dilating really fast at the beginning but, a few hours passed and the dilating started to slow down. Hours passed and the doctors were ready to deliver my babies. Baby number one, my little girl came out with ease, crying and screaming at the top of her little lungs. Baby number two, my little boy came out forty-five minutes later crying and screaming at the top of his little lungs. Both of my babies were beautiful and healthy, as soon as they put them in my arms I felt complete. My mama, my coach was over in the corner sitting in the chair crying and rejoicing the whole time, she couldn’t wait to hold them. Marquel showed up hours after the babies were born, I didn’t even ask him where he was, as long as he was there to see our babies. I named my beautiful daughter, Marque and I named my adorable son after his daddy, Marquel Jr. I was tired, worn out and I needed to get a lot of rest. The next day I got a lot of visitors, my whole family was there and some of my friends came too. Everyone said the babies looked like me and some people said the babies looked like their daddy, everyone had their own opinions. I couldn’t wait to take my babies home, that’s all I could think of. When I got home Marquel was always there helping out, being a good father, but of course things went back to normal and he went back to his old ways. People are still thinking that the babies were not his, I didn’t care what people were saying or thinking about me, obviously they didn’t have anything else to do with their lives. All I cared about was spending time with my babies, all I cared about was putting all the silly games to the side and take care of my responsibilities. I’m going to continue on with school and try to pursue my goals in life, nothing can hold me down. Marquel hardly came to see the babies like he used to, but it didn’t bother me because I have support from my family and friends. I want my kids to know who their father is, but if he still wants to be a kid himself and not try to grow up, he’s the one who is missing out on two beautiful lives. Seeing my babies faces just brightens up my whole day, even when I had the worst day I would get home and see my babies and say to myself, “Man, I’m really blessed.” I pray to God every night thanking him for my little blessings that he sent me. The last time I talked to Marquel, the conversation was cut short because I was just fed up, I told him how I felt and he told me how he felt. I honestly loved him, but not his ways, I could tell that he wasn’t really ready to grow up with the words that he said to me. He told me calmly, “We just need time apart, baby I’m going to love you one day, I’m going to be more than what you think of me, you’ll see.” I just listened to him talk, he said, “We’ll be a happy family one day, when I get right.” That’s just talk, we’ll see when that day comes. That is just one-stepping stone in my life, I’m going to keep my head up and keep on keeping on. Even if Marquel really doesn’t step up to be a real daddy, this is just making me a stronger person. Only God can judge me and no one else. I love my babies more than I love myself, my babies are my angels. My mama always told me, “What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger.” Sincerely Seventeen
Copyright © 2005 Charice L Boyd |