Medical-Shedical hi dahlin (I hope u can hear my southern drawl)..tee hee (but I think I spoilt the sultry effect with my girlish giggle)…sigh, one can be good only at so many things hmmm, so today I’m gonna tell you all about my medical exam Wednesday morning: 7:00 am (bright n early for me): My eyes open to a new day and I bury my head in the pillow groaning inwardly “oh God, I gotta collect the samples”. The previous evening I did manage to unearth suitable receptacles after much effort. With grit and determination I took the urine container into the loo, kept it on the windowsill…and then promptly forgot about it. (You see the mind is very susceptible to dreaming when in bathroom). I am out and I realised that I had forgotten to collect the vital sample!!!!! ARRRRGH I cud have kicked myself. My mom cud’ve kicked me too. What then? I had no choice but to wait and drink lots of water. Grrrr girl half an hour wasted waiting… 7:45: I’m all dressed and ready to leave home. I have dressed practically in trousers and top, taking into consideration the various exams I would be subject too. I make sure I have the address of the darned place, which is located in MIDC (please note that I have gotten myself “lost” twice before in Andheri). Not forgetting my precious samples, I seek a rickshaw driver who looks as if he’s “been around”. I spot one and ask him if he is familiar with MIDC. He of course promptly nods (as if he would say so otherwise – itni acchi savari ke liye thode hi na bolega?”) I resign myself and get into the rick, hoping against hope that the search would not be long and painful. Well after a gusty, windblown ride of some 45 mins or whatever…after much asking around…(me pushing the rickshawalla to ask around who seems to prefer to drive around aimlessly - the DOG!) Waalah! I do manage to find the place. 8:30 or thereabouts: I am ensconced a chair (after filling up the relevant forms) waiting with a room full of other examinees, all of them, like me, clutching at their precious samples. As I wait and watch, there is much hustle-bustle going around, names keep getting called, people are shunted from one room to another undergoing various tests. I, in the meanwhile, kept myself occupied sending cute smses from my phone to all and sundry. Did I mention that my cell phone is a toy? In 15 mins I get called. They promptly ask me to place my samples into a tray (which I do with a sigh of great relief). I could have giggled very amusedly when a guy before me places a quarter liquor bottle containing his sample in the tray. I am then shunted into another room for my blood test. 9:00 or so: The Bloodletting. My arm is prepped. I look at the lab chap while he pats and prods my vein into showing itself… after much patting he finds it. I look interestedly as he inserts the needle into the vein and a gush of dark blood (my blood’s dark maroon btw) (ok ok..I know you’re not interested, shall try to spare u d gory details) flows speedily into the ampule. He fills three ampules with the fluid and I am out of there. Donating blood is a piece of cake really. What I really dread is the horrid prick on the finger when they do the haemoglobin test…geez..that’s awfully painfully as the fingertips are so sensitive. Some creeps use an aluminium-piercing device that they use to stab the finger (Yes, they do stab. there is no other word for it). The best way to prick the finger is to use the long needle or the pricking machine that resembles a lighter. 9:20 or so: Led to another reception area in another part of the building. Same scenario. People lined up in chairs. Me - receiving and sending smses. Playing happily till I get called again. Some time later, I along with group of others led to terrace lounge. I’m thinking what next? Next was breakfast. I never came expecting to eat anything. I thought for post-prandial blood test they would give me glucon-d or something, which they had done on my previous annual exam. Well, Wednesday fast postponed. I sit by me-self on another table (yes, I know your surprised as to why I was not chattering away to people). Dinna want to chatter. I was busy in myself. The breakfast was surprising good - Crisp, fresh pattice and cheese sandwich, washed down with chai. I noted the time I finished breakfast. 9:40. 9:45: instructed to wait outside X-ray room: I walk in an am told by the technician to stand on weighing scale. I do so and was appalled! 68. I yelped. I cud not be 68. No. no. no. That was horrid. The technician seeing my obvious distress smiled n told me to lose my bag and shoes. A ray of hope glimmered. In frantic haste I dropped my bag n shoes. I weigh 65. Still not satisfied, I grilled the technician on the accuracy of the scale (after all - my father what goes?) I might just lose a couple of more kgs. But he assured me that the scale was correct. Sigh, he then checked my height. Here again I asked eagerly, hope burning brightly in my eyes “What’s my height?”. He stated - 5’1”. Sigh again in disappointment. I could do with a couple of inches you know. He tells me to remove my chain for the X-ray. I try but it’s a short chain and I accept his offer to remove it for me. That done. I get on the X-ray stand in two minutes, its done. I’m outta there. 10:00 EEG. Told to lie down…. some funny things are clipped to me - ankles. wrists, chest. (slight trepidation that I might suffer shock thru those thingies). The gel they apply is cold and sticky. I chat up the girl technician. She records whatever she records. The machine spits out a lonnnnng printout which is attached to my papers (which I later on look at minutely tryin to make sense out off, but for which I have absolutely no skill). I’m outta there. 10:20: General Physical: This is the part I was dreadin the most. When I walk in I see that it is the same doctor as of last time. (oooh my, he’s scary u know, Like a drill sergeant). The last time he was commanding: stand here! lie down! Breathe! (Impatient tone of voice..stupid girl does not know how to breathe n that kind of thing), and rattled of a 100 instructions and questions like that. This time, he was surprising cordial, sweet even. He asked me what I did – really oh so friendly and he chatted to me… (isn’t that nice?) At the end of the exam – he checked my ears, throat, etc. etc. I told him frankly that I was dreading meeting him becoz he was a “drill sergeant” and he laughed, apologising. Of course he dinna need to excuse his behaviour, after all he is the doc and I the patient. But he was rather sweet. And that was that. 10:40: Visual Acuity Test: that just took five mins. It was a relief to know that my vision is still 20/20. 10:50 Was tiring now. I was made to wait till 11:40 to give the second blood sample (post prandial blood sugar is tested two hrs after a meal). Finally was called. The girl who took my blood the second time, hurt me. My hand is aching because she dinna do it right, instead of going lateral she dug deeper. I am gonna get a hematoma becoz of that. I could have done a better job. sigh Finally it was all over. 12:00 perhaps Got into a rick and headed for Andheri Station. There were these huge lines for tickets and by mistake I went and stood in the wrong line. (so typical of me) After 10 minutes realisation dawned. By then the card ticket Queue was miles long. I got fed up of waiting. Got out of the station and caught a rick to Bandra. The rest you know. Slept the afternoon away, dreamin of putting my morning on paper for Sarin. I was pleased when He called me last night. I was hopin he would call but I would be damned if I called him first. I had just given up and was about to drop into sleep when my phone rang. I noticed that he is very stilted when I call him – he’s rude and abrupt and has a – "don’t give a damn about you" attitude. He is in a better mood when he calls. That’s because he is all prepared about what he is gonna talk about (sometimes) and he is sure he is alone and not surrounded by people. I wonder when I’m gonna get my chocolate. I thought my call sign “Chocolat” was hint enough. But then again, he does not care a fig for call signs. Sniff. Yawwwwnn. I’m sleepy now. . .
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