Doing Man's Work (1)
FADE IN: EXT. CITY STREETS - DAY Traffic is bustling. A small delivery truck pulls into the driveway of a Vehicle Accessories store. Stacks of chrome rims gleam in the sun. ALL AUDIO ON SALE NOW proclaims a banner. MIGUEL exits his delivery truck carrying a hose. CUT TO: INT. STORE - DAY Miguel enters and places the hose on the counter. A GIRL who is helping another customer nods at him acknowledging the delivery. He nods back. Gazing around the store he sees two of his old friends. Men dressed hip-hop gangster style, LUIS, Latino, Late 20s and GOMEZ, Latino, Early 20s. MIGUEL Hey man! LUIS Hey Miguelito! What's happening man? Look at you! All up in a uniform and shit. What are you doing, man? MIGUEL Delivering hose. LUIS (laughing) Delivering hose! Serious? Gomey, Miguelito's delivering hose! Gomez laughs and points at Miguel. MIGUEL I'm serious! (To GIRL) Yeah, sign here. Thanks. (To LUIS) What are you doing? LUIS Man, I just got new rims on the SS! Come and see. CUT TO: EXT. STORE - DAY The trio are walking toward a cherried out Monte Carlo SS, Luis's pride and joy. MIGUEL That is one bad ride! LUIS I'm getting them to put the lettering in the back window too. It will say LUIS, you know, in that classic Spanish lettering, like you see on the ships in the old movies. MIGUEL Sweet. LUIS Hey Miguelito. (Puts his arm around Miguel almost whispering in his ear.) When are we going back into business? MIGUEL (Laughing) No...No. No. Luis. Don't even try. Those days are gone for me now. LUIS No more la vida loca? (Laughs) MIGUEL No. No more. But it's good to see you. LUIS It's good to see you my friend. MIGUEL (Walking to his truck) Say "HI" to Dwight for me! LUIS I will. Adios, Amigo. FADE TO: INT HOUSE - DAY We hear a conversation between five women as scene fades into view. Two conversations are taking place simultaneously. The conversations should terminate simultaneously as they ALL LAUGH. CANDY, early 20s, is the center of attention. WOMAN 1 ...she Was just there in the middle of the store crying and all the clerks were around her, and she was nearly incoherent, but just kept babbling, I lost my keys! I lost my keys! And she wasn't telling anybody anything else, she wasn't letting anyone help her. WOMAN 2 ...I saw the most beautiful dish. You know there was this rose like glass, but it wasn't totally dark, you know, you could see through it. They have such beautiful things there. CANDY Oh, that's so sad. I remember when my Mom got real hysterical when we were kids. WOMAN 2A Where is this place? Is it that place on Fourth Street across from the Ice cream stand? WOMAN 1 Actually it was kind of funny. WOMAN 2B There's no ice cream on Fourth Street CANDY It wouldn't have been so funny if it happened to you. WOMAN 2A Oh, right! It's on Ninth Street. WOMAN 1 Oh Yeah it would! I've been there! When you're that pregnant, sometimes you just lose it. You'll find out! You're almost there. WOMAN 2 RIGHT! That's the place, on Ninth street. You've never been in there? CANDY I am not going to lose it. WOMAN 2B It looks like such a dump. WOMAN 1 How pregnant are you now? WOMAN 2 No, it's not, it's just an old building. They have really great stuff inside. CANDY Five months. WOMAN 2B Do they have any baby things? Clothes? WOMAN 1 Just wait two more months. No mood swings yet? WOMAN 2 Tons! I mean you have got to go there. CANDY I didn't say that! WOMAN 2A What's it Called? WOMAN 2 I don't know. I know where it is, isn't that enough? ALL LAUGH The kitchen table comes into view, where the women are seated. WOMAN 2A has a baby. All WOMEN Mid-Late 20's except CANDY Early 20's WOMAN 2A Candy's going to need baby clothes real soon. WOMAN 2 What did you say? Seven months now? CANDY No. Five months right now. WOMAN 2 No way! No way are you that big at five months! CANDY Five months, for real. WOMAN 2 That's insane! You know at your current rate you're just going to explode. WOMAN 1 She's not that big. WOMAN 2A Yes she is. WOMAN 2 Oh, yes she is! You've never been pregnant! WOMAN 2B Have you been checked for multiple births? They all laugh hysterically. CANDY (Over the Laughter) Do not even go there! I have only got ONE in here! My OB said so! So that's all that's coming out! CUT TO: EXT LAWN MAINTENANCE CREW WORKING - DAY THOMAS, LATE 30s is wearing hat, goggles, and ear protection and unloading large bag of lawn trimmings into the back of a truck, having a difficult time with it. CUT TO: EXT DIRTY OFFICE - INT. Newspapers, empty donut and pizza boxes, flies buzzing around half drunken soda bottles litter the office, strewn about on the desk and the cabinets. Thomas is sitting at the desk as his boss enters from behind and shuts the door. Boss sits at desk, scribbles some notes. Thomas looks around, disgusted. The BOSS gets out a checkbook, writes a check, and flicks it over to Thomas. He is completely uncaring about firing Thomas. BOSS Here. Best of luck to you. THOMAS (Picks up check) That's it? BOSS Yeah. That's it. You had a job. You 're no good at it. You lost it. Go find another one. If you can. Thomas rises slowly and stares at Boss, backs away toward door. The Boss looks back with arrogance. THOMAS Screw you too. BOSS Have a nice day. Goodbye. Boss turns on TV with remote. Thomas moves out of door and exits. CUT TO: EXT THOMAS & CANDY'S HOUSE - DAY Thomas pulls up in an older-looking sedan. The house is small and modest in a quiet old neighborhood. The lawn is unkempt, a lot of vegetation is growing around it. Thomas enters front door. CUT TO: INT THOMAS & CANDY'S HOUSE - MOMENTS LATER Candy is doing dishes in the tiny kitchen. There is nothing to show wealth of any sort in their home. A seashell collection crowds the windowsill. The TV is small. The table, chairs and sofa are old and worn. Pictures on the wall are the cheap paintings of sunsets and beaches. CANDY (Hearing the door) Tommy? THOMAS (O.S.) Yeah. INT KITCHEN - DAY Thomas enters kitchen and places hat on counter, kisses Candy on cheek. She does not stop washing dishes. CANDY Hey. THOMAS Hey. Thomas opens refrigerator for a drink. Cracks open a half-filled gallon jug of water, drinks right from jug. CANDY So. How'd things go today? THOMAS They went. CANDY Which way? THOMAS Well, I can do whatever I want tomorrow. CANDY (Turns to face him) What? Why? THOMAS They let me go. CANDY Really? Why? THOMAS They said they had too many people. I was the low man on the totem pole, so they just went and got rid of three of us. CANDY But you were only there for a week! THOMAS They fired the guys who got hired the day before me too. I don't get that business. They said they just didn't have enough work. I don't know why they hired us in the first place. CANDY (Turns back to sink) Well, you'll get something else. It's amazing how you just get job after job. Becky's husband can't find a job, but I know you can. THOMAS Yeah. I know. CANDY Aren't you going to ask me how my day was? THOMAS I know how your day was. CANDY What? THOMAS Did you talk to your Mother on the phone? CANDY Yeah, why? THOMAS And you hung out with some of your girlfriends and you all talked about being pregnant and havin' babies and shit and diapers and shit. And then you came home from a grueling day shopping at Wal-Mart to stick some chicken in the oven, right? I know how your day was! It's not that hard! CANDY I wasn't going to say I had a hard day. THOMAS I mean - It's not that hard to figure out how your day WAS. CANDY (Turns to him) Are you mad at me? THOMAS No. CANDY (She goes to him making him turn toward her) Then what's the matter? THOMAS (He pulls away) I lost my job again. That's all. You think I'm going to be happy and thrilled to be home with a pregnant wife when I don't have a job? You think I'm not going to be a little distressed? CANDY I thought you wanted a baby, too. THOMAS Who said I didn't want a baby? CANDY (Turns to sink, rinsing dishes, begins pouting) You don't sound like you want a baby. THOMAS All I want right now is a job. (Beat) Are you crying again? What is the matter with you? CANDY (Completely crying) I just want to have a baby and make food for you for dinner. There was a sale at Wal-Mart. I didn't mean to get you mad. THOMAS (Hugs her from behind) You didn't get me mad. CANDY Then why did you say you didn't want a baby? Why did you say that? THOMAS I didn't say that. CANDY You said all you want right now is a job. You don't want a baby. THOMAS Yes I do. I want a baby. I want a job. (Kisses her on back of head) I want all that happy horseshit. CANDY (Crying harder and breaking away. Goes into next room) Then how come you call it horseshit if you like it so much? You don't sound like you like it. You don't sound like you like anything. THOMAS Well, I don't like you crying about shit all the time. When does it end, Candy? When do you finally stop freaking out during normal conversations? If this is what pregnancy is like, I'm never getting you pregnant again. (Sits and turns on TV) CANDY (Looking out window and crying) Ooooooohh, I'm never going to have a family! Thomas stands and goes to her. We hear Wheel of Fortune in background. THOMAS Candy. Mellow out. Just come over here and sit down. (Takes her hand) Come on. (Leads her to chair, she is gasping/crying) Come on. Deep breathes. Just breathe. That's it. Breathe in. CANDY How come you're so mean to me? THOMAS I'm not mean Candy. You're pregnant. Your hormones are fucking with you. Everything's the same as it was before. You just can't handle it. It's natural. CANDY Are you going to leave me when our baby is born? THOMAS No. I'm not going anywhere. CANDY You said you didn't want any more babies. THOMAS Can you forget about that for a minute. Put it out of your mind. You don't have to listen to everything I say, you know. You could just let some things go in one ear and out the other. I was thinking out loud. CANDY So you really don't want any more babies? THOMAS (Frustrated) Let's just have this one and see what happens. NO! Wait. Wrong choice of words. Just stop thinking for a while. OK? Just stop. Just sit here and watch Pat and Vanna for a while and let me put some food on a plate OK? CANDY Can I have some? THOMAS Yes. Food for both of us! I'll set the table. Just sit here and stop thinking. Don't even try to solve the puzzle. CANDY Do you know what kind of job you're going to get? THOMAS Stop. Stop thinking. OK? (Gets up and heads toward kitchen) CANDY (Beat) I think you should get a managers position. THOMAS (Shrugs, irritated, puts up his hands in frustration, but Candy can't see) Stop thinking. Don't think right now. Just relax. Enters kitchen, out of view CANDY (Longer pause) What do you think this word is? THOMAS (O.C.) Don't solve the puzzle. Stop thinking! CUT TO: INT. T&C HOUSE - MORNING Focus on newspaper want ads. Things circled. Thomas is actively calling on phone for job interviews. THOMAS Hello, I'm calling about your ad in the paper...for a dishwasher? Just come in? Do I need to set up a time? OK? (Next call) Did you fill the position yet? No I've never worked as a porter. I'm sure I could do it, it's just driving cars around the lot? Yes, I have a license. (Next call) No, I don't. I never worked with a computer before. I'm sure I could learn. (Next call) If it only pays $5.75 an hour how hard can it be? Wouldn't you be willing to train somebody for that? (Next call) Next Friday? I need a job today, not next Friday. Why would you advertise a job that far in advance? Hello? (Next call) Sales? I can do sales. No. No. No. No. Yes. My own insurance? Yeah. CUT TO: INT. NEW OFFICE - DAY Thomas is seated at opposite side of empty desk. Sales awards and charts cover the wall. Desk is meticulously clean. Huge Bald Eagle statue on desk. Enter DOUG, 40-50 New Boss. Shirt, tie, glasses. Walks in, sits down behind desk. Reaches over to shake hands. DOUG Terry? THOMAS Thomas. DOUG Tommy, I'm Doug. We talked on the phone, right? THOMAS Right. DOUG You're the guy without any experience right? No sales background I mean? THOMAS No. I've never sold anything. DOUG But you came in here looking for a job anyway. Can I see your resume? THOMAS What? DOUG Your REZ-OO-MAY. The piece of paper full of bullshit and lies we use to impress guys like me so we can get jobs. Your resume. THOMAS I don't have one. I thought I was going to fill out a job application, but the secretary didn't have any. DOUG Why are you here? Are you here to waste my time? 'Cause it looks like you're here to waste my time. (Doug chuckles) You never sold anything before, so you say, yet you have the audacity to walk in here expecting to get a job without a resume. No sales pitch. No tie. A knit shirt. Have you ever been on a job interview before? Because the way I'm dressed is the way you dress for a job interview. Tommy. Tell me why I should hire you. THOMAS Because I'll do whatever you teach me to do the way you teach me to do it. DOUG (Beat) Damn good answer. Anything you'd like to add to that? THOMAS No. DOUG Tell me about yourself, Tommy. THOMAS (Thinks for a moment, leans back in chair) I am so sick of looking for a decent job. You know why I don't have a resume? I got nothing good to put on one. All my jobs have been manual labor and bullshit working for assholes that don't want to pay a fucking dime for a days work. I don't have one reference that's worth a damn. The biggest paycheck I ever got for a week was $421 dollars after taxes and that was with 25 hours overtime. Digging ditches. Making pizza. Phone calls. Phone soliciting. Everybody tells you no or hangs up on you. Almost went deaf in a factory. Ran a lathe. Made pipes for something. Always showed up on time. Always did as much as I could. Always got layed off. Or forced overtime. And it's like they don't cut you a break. Lots of these employers...no sick days...no benefits. I've been working for 20 years since High School and I got nothing to show for it. DOUG No college? THOMAS No. I never had enough money to go to college. DOUG (Leans back in chair and yawns, scratches his head, picks his ear, leans forward) You really want to work here, don't you? THOMAS Yeah. That's why I'm here. DOUG Got a car with insurance, right? THOMAS Yeah. DOUG Then we're in business. How much do you know about cookware? Pots and pans? THOMAS Zero. DOUG I can teach you. You're going to sell like a bat out of hell, I'm telling you that right now. You know how I know that, Tommy? Cause you didn't come in here with any bullshit stories. You're straight with me and I like that. You came in here, no tie, no resume, no bullshit, you laid it on the line and told me like it is and that's why I'm hiring you, Tommy. If you can sell ME after all that shit you been in and you didn't jump up and run out of my office screaming after I gave you all MY shit, you are going to be able to sit in front of a person and squeeze every last dime out of those mother-fuckers just like those bosses, those assholes, have been doing to you. I've seen some guys come out scrapping before and they get in there and they make some fucking money, I'll tell you that. And I tell you what. You are one of those scrappers. CUT TO: MONTAGE We see different views of sales meetings, sales numbers on dry-erase boards, salesman in the midst of a pitch at a kitchen table before an old man and old lady. Phone solicitors. Salesman ringing doorbell, big smile as door opens. Close-up of pitch book, pots and pans on demo. DOUG (V.O.) One thing about sales is it's a different adventure every day. You never know what you're going to walk into. Could be a retired couple, could be a single mother, but they all need cookware. Everybody eats. All the leads are pre-qualified. You'll have a set appointment from our phone room, but that doesn't mean you'll have a sale ten minutes after you walk in the door. The job begins when you walk in the door. You gotta give 'em a big smile and have nice shiny teeth. A smile is what sells. You don't smile you don't sell. We'll teach you everything you need to know. Don't worry about the details. Get to know your product and why everybody needs it...and believe it. When you believe it, they believe it. You might stay in a house for two or three, maybe four hours. That's okay. If that's what it takes to educate your prospect, educate 'em. You're the expert, you're in charge. From the second you ring the doorbell, you have to be in absolute command of the situation and you are there to complete a mission. Your mission is to leave... CUT TO: INT. DOUG'S CAR - DAY Doug is driving. Thomas is passenger. Doug is an edgy, fast talker and his pace picks up considerably in this monolgue. DOUG ...with their money. Now the idea is to convince these people that it's in their best interest to turn their money over to you. That's where value comes in. And we've got value, believe me. The cookware has a lifetime warranty, it's waterless, so they'll be cooking healthier food. It's made with five plies of surgical stainless steel wrapped around an aluminum core that sits on a plate of cast iron. No other cookware in the industry comes close and that's why it's the most expensive, because it's so indestructible, it's never going to break. The Company's been around for over 75 years and they have NEVER had to honor the warrantee. The shit is that good! THOMAS You mean you've never had a defective pot? DOUG Never. If you ran it over with that truck, (points to 18-wheeler) you couldn't destroy it. It would come out good as new. THOMAS Really? DOUG (His pace picks up even more now) No. It would be flat as a pancake! Are you kidding me? Tell me you're not that gullible. But it's damn fine cookware, I tell you what. The reason they never had to honor the warrantee is because all people do is cook with them. They don't run 'em over with trucks. Since that's basically the only way to destroy 'em, the company is in a total WIN-WIN. They sell a set and they never see 'em again. The only thing anybody ever complains about is the price. THOMAS What's the price? CUT TO: INT RESTAURANT - DAY Thomas and Doug are eating. Doug is a motor-mouth who talks with his mouth full. DOUG What do you want it to be? If you're in a five bedroom ranch house with some acreage and you own an orange orchard, the price is $1995, Mr. Jones. And we're running a special right now, you can buy a second set for your daughter and her kids for half price. That's only a thousand dollars more. THOMAS (Barely getting the question in.) It's 2000 dollars a set? DOUG (Now he is practically speed talking, but is perfectly understandable.) If you've got a five bedroom ranch house in an orange plantation it is. But if you live in a shit-shack down there on the south side it's only $650 a set. Yours for the small price of only $89 down and $49 a month for 24 months. There's a 5% discount for cash. Like I said, the important thing is selling value. You let people know it's a $2000 set of cookware for $650, now that's a fucking bargain! CUT TO: INT OFFICE - DAY Friday afternoon. Several salesmen are sitting and standing around drinking from Styrofoam coffee cups. Doug and Thomas walk in together. JEFF Doug! DOUG What happened out there today? JEFF One deal. 650. DOUG Good job. Good job! (Looks at Bobby T) Hey buddy. What did you sell for me? BOBBY T They waxed me. DOUG You struck out? I thought you had that lady when we were on the phone. BOBBY T Husband killed it. DOUG Get 'em next time! Tommy Boy! Guys! Hey! Listen up. This is Tommy. I want to introduce you to our latest addition. I'd like you all to meet Tom. The salesmen gather around in a semi-circle. CHARLIE (Extending his hand.) Hi, Tom. Welcome to the team. I'm Charlie. JEFF Tom, I'm Jeff. Good to know you. (Also shakes hands with Tom.) DOUG (Doug puts his arm over Tom's shoulder and raises his other hand. He speaks with his hands a lot.) Now listen up guys, I want to tell you something. This is important. Now Tommy here came to me today looking for a sales job and he told me he never sold anything in his life. But he has got just such a fantastic outlook. He is so positive! He has got such a go-get-'em attitude about everything, I just know he's the kind of team player were looking for. (Breaks away from Thomas) Tommy, tell us a little about yourself. (Starts to clap. The other salesmen clap too.) THOMAS My name is Thomas Davidson. Been married for three years. My wife and I have a baby on the way. (Enthusiastic cheers!) JEFF
Copyright © 2002 Mike Rembis |