The Anti-Antichrist (1) LEGEND: The following movie is a work of fiction, and any similarities to real deities, whether living or dead, is purely coincidental. INT. KINGDOM OF HEAVEN – HEAD OFFICE The infinite room floats on puffy white clouds. Even the furniture is made out of mist. The sun always shines here. Two glowing ANGELS (their wings tucked under their white uniforms) materialize in the room. Their names are GABE and AZ. They both have sinister expressions on their cherubic faces. They stand before a massive, GOD-like being, whose face remains constantly hidden. GABE What is thy bidding, All-mighty? GOD AS YOU ARE AWARE, THE TIME OF THE APOCALYPSE IS APPROACHING. I FEAR THAT MY OLD ENEMY MAY TRY TO OPPOSE ME ONE LAST TIME. GABE How do we stop him? GOD THERE IS A MORTAL ON EARTH BY THE NAME OF HANK BRYCE, WHO COULD BE A GREAT ASSET TO THE FORCES OF DARKNESS IN THE COMING STRUGGLE. GABE You wish us to eliminate him, then? GOD I WANT YOU TO OBSERVE HIM, FOR NOW. IF IT APPEARS THAT HE WILL JOIN THE ANTICHRIST, THEN REMOVE HIM UNTIL JUDGEMENT DAY. GABE As you wish. The silent Az just nods at his master. GOD LEAVE ME. GABE Hallelujah, and may the force be with you. GOD DON’T EVER JOKE WITH ME, GABE. YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I DESPISE POPULAR EARTH CULTURE. IT MAKES ME ANGRY, IN THE BIBLICAL SENSE. GABE (puts his hands together) Forgive me. We leave in peace. The two angels dematerialize. INSERT TITLE: "MEANWHILE, BACK ON EARTH . . ." EXT. SOUP KITCHEN – NIGHT Establishing shot of the decrepit building on the bad side of town. A long line of homeless people wait to get in. INT. SOUP KITCHEN – NIGHT The place is packed. Street people of every description are tucking into inexpensive, yet filling, meals. HANK BRYCE stands behind the counter, handing out bread and soup. He is a handsome, upbeat guy in his mid-twenties. He smiles at a middle-aged BAG LADY as he serves her a meal. HANK How are you doing, Agnes? AGNES Fine, sugar. I’ll have an extra portion of bread, if ya please. I’m a growing woman, after all. HANK (laughs) Okay, just for you. He gives her the food. AGNES Thank ya kindly. How’s your love life these days? HANK What love life? AGNES You know, it’s a damn shame no lucky gal’s snapped you up. If only I was a few years younger . . . A surly guy called AARON appears behind Hank. AARON Cut the chit-chat, lovebirds. I don’t wanna be here all night. Agnes smiles at Hank and leaves with her tray. AARON (whispers to Hank) How can you talk to these deadbeats? Depresses the hell out of me. HANK Guess I got too much empathy. AARON Damn straight. Just keep it moving, we got a whole damn town to feed. HANK I know. Sorry. Aaron joins in, doling out food much quicker and in smaller portions than Hank. INT. SOUP KITCHEN – STAFF ROOM – NIGHT Hanks takes off his apron and gets ready to leave. Aaron enters. AARON Yo, Hank. Got anything planned tonight? HANK Just an early night. Gotta be at the office nine a.m. tomorrow. AARON Man, why the hell you work here, when you don’t have to? I’m only here on condition of my community service. Soon as I’ve done my fucking time, I’m gone. HANK I guess I like helping people. AARON You need to get a hobby. Or get laid, at least. HANK Have to find the right girl first. AARON The right girl? Shit, any girl will do. You know what your problem is? You’re too nice. Folks be taking advantage of you and shit. HANK (smiles) Like you, for one? AARON You may laugh, but I’m dead serious. You wanna know a little secret about women, that those P.C. thugs won’t tell ya? HANK (impatient sigh) Go ahead. AARON Women want to be treated like bitches. They love it. They may talk about that new man bullshit, but everyone knows nice guys finish last. Chicks like to be put in their place and shown who’s boss. My wife was the same, until the cunt divorced me. HANK Maybe that works for you, but I think I’ll stick to being myself. I’m bound to meet that special lady one day. AARON (disdainfully) Whatever keeps you going. HANK See you next Wed . . . I mean Thursday, Aaron? AARON Sure. Unless I win the lotto and flee the country. Hank exits. CUT TO: EXT. HANK’S HOME – NIGHT Hank’s beat-up car parks outside his modest home. INT. HANK’S HOME – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT Hank enters his pleasant, but lonely, abode. He puts on some easy listening music. The light blinks on his telephone answering machine, indicating a message. He presses a button and the tape plays. FEMALE VOICE Hello, Hank. This is Sister Margaret. I just wanted to thank you for donating those toys to the orphanage. I hope we’ll be seeing you at church on Sunday. Good night, and God bless. Hank smiles warmly as the message finishes. He turns the television on and finds "Touched by an Angel" playing. He sits down to watch. CUT TO: EXT. HELL’S ANGELS CLUB – NIGHT A rowdy bar surrounded by a seemingly endless line of choppers. Heavy metal music blares out at full volume. Lightning suddenly SPLITS THE SKY. It DEPOSITS Az and Gabe outside the club. They look at each other. GABE A fairly smooth ride, this time. Az nods. They notice the bar. GABE This seems to be as good a place as any to seek funds and transportation. Az nods again. They enter the club. INT. HELL’S ANGELS CLUB – NIGHT Every inch of the place seems to be packed with male and female BIKERS. They are all having a great time. The two angels stand in silence for a moment before speaking. GABE Excuse me! The music screeches to a stop and everyone turns to look at the two clean-cut new arrivals, both dressed in white. GABE We are humble travellers, new to this land. We were wondering if you could assist us in finding some sustenance. Perhaps you could also loan us one your motor vehicles to aid us in our search for a friend. He is answered by stares of disbelief and stunned silence. The squeak of leather is the only sound. Finally, the LEADER of the Hell’s Angels steps forward. LEADER Are you freaks some kind of Christians? GABE Yes, indeed. We are . . . some kind. LEADER (cheerfully) Well, then why didn’t you say so? We always like to help fellow believers in need. You can have my bike and the money in my wallet right now. Hell, you can have my woman, too. Unless you’re the type that prefers boys. The whole room erupts into mocking laughter. Gabe frowns, sensing that things are not going to plan. GABE (to Az) I sense they are not willing to offer us the help we need. What do you say brother? Shall we judge them, lest we be judged? Az nods firmly. The Leader of the bikers is still laughing when Gabe steps forward to face him. He raises his hand, as if in greeting. The Leader looks entranced. Suddenly, a BURST OF ENERGY SHOOTS OUT from Gabe’s hand. It HITS THE LEADER and sends him FLYING BACK INTO THE WALL behind the bar. The energy consumes him. Within seconds his FLESH HAS BEEN BURNED AWAY, leaving only a skeleton dressed in leather. RANDOM BIKER What the fuck? GABE Time to pray for your souls. This is the day Heaven comes to town. Gabe wades into the crowd. Anyone that touches him is REPELLED and ENGULFED by the same strange energy that killed the Leader. Several BIKERS try and escape out the door. Az BLOCKS their route. A HUGE SCYTHE materializes in his hand. He smiles as he SPLITS ONE BIKER VERTICALLY FROM GROIN TO HEAD with his blade. He then CHOPS THE OTHERS INTO TINY PIECES with a few, lightning-fast moves. GABE Ah, the angel of death. He never fails to outclass me. The two angels quickly and efficiently SLAY the remaining Bikers. SCREAMS fill the air, before dwindling into silence. Finally, amid the charred and mutilated bodies, a lone FEMALE BIKER remains. She stares at the angels in horror. FEMALE BIKER You . . . fuckers. GABE Don’t hate us. You would all have faced God’s judgement eventually. We have simply speeded up the process and saved you some suffering. FEMALE BIKER (desperate) You can’t kill me! I’m a woman! Gabe considers this for a moment. GABE A woman only in the loosest sense. You are as big a whore as Mary Magdalene, and there is no Messiah to vouch for you. He signals Az, who CUTS THE WOMAN INTO TWO PIECES before the scream can even leave her throat. At the same time Gabe SEARS THE FLESH from her bones. GABE May God be with them. They turn and leave the bar. Neither of them has so much as a spot of blood on their clothes. EXT. HELL’S ANGELS CLUB – NIGHT Az and Gabe climb on two of the huge bikes and start them up. GABE I just realized. God neglected to tell us the whereabouts of the chosen one. (beat) No matter. We have time to explore the country, and judge any more sinners we come across. The two of them ROAR AWAY from the club. Behind them, the building ERUPTS INTO FLAMES. CUT TO: INT. HANK’S HOME – BEDROOM – NIGHT Hank tosses and turns in his sleep. He moans softly. HANK’S DREAM He sees a vision of a GLOWING FIGURE descending from the clouds. The scene morphs to a FIERY PIT where people are being tortured. An unholy scream fills the air. BEDROOM – MORNING Hank AWAKES SUDDENLY in classic, sweat-drenched mode. The bedside phone is RINGING, and he picks it up. HANK Hello? A HISSING VOICE speaks to him. HISSING VOICE Good morning, Mr. Bryce. I’m calling to confirm your appointment with Mr. Callow today. HANK (confused but not alarmed) I’m sorry, I don’t know anyone by that name. And I certainly didn’t arrange any meeting. HISSING VOICE You may not know him, but Mr. Callow knows you. He needs to meet with you as soon as possible. HANK Listen, I have to go to work. HISSING VOICE No problem. Mr. Callow can meet you at the donut shop across from your place of work, at lunchtime. HANK I suppose I could do that. I’d still like to know why he wants to see me, first. HISSING VOICE That cannot be discussed over the phone, but rest assured it is a matter of great importance. All will be explained at the meeting. Good day. The line goes dead. Hank puts the phone down, still troubled. EXT. HANK’S HOME – DAY Hank leaves the house, dressed in his suit. One of his neighbors, a cute twelve year old named DEBBIE JENSON, waves to him excitedly. DEBBIE Mornin’ Hank! HANK (smiles) Morning, Li’l Debbie. DEBBIE Bye Hank. HANK Bye. She giggles and runs back into her house. Hank climbs into his car and drives off. CUT TO: EXT. INSURANCE COMPANY – DAY Hank hurries into the modern office building. INT. INSURANCE COMPANY – HANK’S OFFICE – DAY Hank rushes to his desk. He is met by his cheerful boss, PETERSON. PETERSON Early again, Hank? You’re making the rest of us look bad. HANK I’m sorry, Mr. Peterson. It won’t happen again. PETERSON It better not. Hank sits down in front of his computer. Superimpose: the hands of a CLOCK spinning round from nine until twelve-thirty. EXT. INSURANCE COMPANY – DAY Hank emerges from the building on his lunch break. He looks across the road, and sees Bob’s Donut Shack. He waits for a break in the traffic and hurries across the street. He enters the establishment. CUT TO: INT. BOB’S DONUT SHACK – DAY Hank stops by the counter. He looks round the seating area, but the only person sitting down is an OLD LADY, stuffing her face with donuts. The pimple-faced CLERK in front of Hank clears his throat. CLERK Can I help you, dude? We got a dozen donuts for one-fifty, two dozen for three bucks, and three dozen for four-fifty. Which’ll it be? HANK No thanks, I’m just meeting someone. The Clerk stares at him blankly. CLERK What that mean? CHARISMATIC VOICE I believe that someone is me. Hank turns and sees a MIDDLE-AGED MAN has mysteriously appeared beside him. He is darkly handsome, with a friendly grin on his face. MIDDLE-AGED MAN Hank Bryce, I presume? HANK Yeah. You’re Mr. Callow? CALLOW Yes, Nicolas Callow. The one and only. He offers his hand. After a moment’s pause, Hank shakes it. He notices that Callow’s nails are unusually long but clean. CALLOW Come, let’s sit and talk. He leads Hank to a nearby table and they sit down. Callow studies the younger man silently for some time. HANK If you don’t mind me asking, what is this all about? CALLOW It’s about the greatest opportunity of your short, and dare I say disappointing, life. HANK Don’t tell me. A timeshare, right? CALLOW No. I run a very large and important business. I’ve carried out my job successfully for . . . well, more years than you can imagine. But I can’t carry on forever. I’ve grown tired, and I believe now is the time to bring in new blood. HANK Pardon my language, but what the hell has that got to do with me? CALLOW (chuckles) Exactly. HANK Sorry? CALLOW The business I run is the domain commonly known as Hell. HANK (beat) Right. So . . . that would make you the Devil then? CALLOW Precisely. Or Satan, Lucifer, Beelzebub. Whatever you prefer. Hank stands up, smiling. HANK Well, thanks for the chat, but I really must be going. CALLOW Sit. He waves his hand, and Hank FALLS BACK into his chair. CALLOW I hadn’t finished. Perhaps you’d like something to eat? Callow makes a beckoning motion with his hand. A plate piled high with every type of donut imaginable FLOATS OVER to their table. Only Hank seems to notice the strange occurrence. HANK How’d you do that? CALLOW I’ve made blood rain and boiling seas in my time. Summoning donuts is hardly a miracle. (beat) Go ahead, eat. HANK No thanks. CALLOW Don’t worry, no one gets sent down under just for indulging their sweet tooth. Shame, as I could do with the extra business. But let’s press on. It may be hard for you to comprehend but everything I’ve told you is the truth. I never lie. That’s the job of the man upstairs. So listen carefully to my next words. (dramatic pause) You are my son. Hank looks momentarily shocked. Then he bursts out laughing. HANK I have to hand it to you. This is the all- time greatest practical joke. Congratulations. CALLOW No, the greatest joke was the time I convinced God that cockroaches were a good idea. This, however, is deadly serious. HANK (wryly) Okay, so I’m Satan Junior? Funny, I never noticed I had any horns or a forked tail. CALLOW Of course not. You’re mostly human. Callow gets a wistful expression on his face. INSERT: a youthful-looking Callow charms an innocent YOUNG WOMAN. CALLOW I still remember that magical night when I violated your mother. HANK She . . told me my father was killed in a road accident. CALLOW Ah, what wondrous webs of deceit the female of the species weave. She was a fine woman, but she had no idea how to raise you. HANK (offended) What do you mean? CALLOW Even though I was unable to be with you as a father should, I’ve been keeping an eye on you. You’ve fallen in with a good crowd, betrayed your heritage. I’m here to tell you that it must stop. HANK Surely if any of this were true, there’d be some sign. A 666 tattooed on my head, or something. CALLOW I was far more subtle than that. The mark of beast is in a more, ahem, private place. Hank looks embarrassed. CALLOW I can understand your cynicism. But there’s one way to prove it to you. After all, they say seeing is believing. HANK How’s that? Callow grabs hold of Hank’s hand. The GROUND CRUMBLES, and the donut shop DISSOLVES around them. They FALL DOWNWARDS. FLAMES ENVELOPE THEM, but they remain untouched. Finally, the smoke clears, and Hank finds himself in a completely different location. CUT TO: INT. KINGDOM OF HELL - SEVENTH CIRCLE Hank stands on a ledge. He stares, open-mouthed, at the nightmarish, yet strangely beautiful, landscape around him. It is a bizarre mix of surrealist painting, heavy metal music video and gothic theme park. Obviously, the sun NEVER shines here. HUMANS and STRANGE CREATURES indulge in Satanic rituals and SEXUAL ORGIES. SCREAMS fill the air, but the general atmosphere is of excitement, not despair. CALLOW (proudly) Welcome to my world. He takes Hank’s hand and the two of them FLOAT OUT over the Kingdom of Hell. Callow speaks like an upbeat tour guide. CALLOW This is pretty much a normal day. The legions of the damned look after themselves fairly well. I’m just here in case of unexpected developments. Any questions? HANK This is really real, isn’t it? CALLOW Of course. What do you think of it? HANK I thought Hell would be scarier. CALLOW Don’t believe the hype. (beat) I suppose you expected to see people gouging out each other’s eyeballs while listening to Marilyn Manson or The Prodigy? Well, some of our denizens like to do that, but it’s strictly among consenting adults. After all, desiring what you cannot have is the root cause of all suffering. I simply allow everyone here to indulge their desires of the flesh without fear of reprisal. HANK I can’t take it all in . . . CALLOW I understand. Let’s retire to my office. They float downwards. INT. KINGDOM OF HELL - CALLOW’S OFFICE Hank sits in a spiked chair, still looking shell-shocked. Callow’s office isn’t that different from the typical abode of a businessman – just a few more grotesquely shaped rocks and curtains of flame. Callow studies Hank seriously. CALLOW So, you’ve taken the basic tour. How would you feel about working here, just on a temporary basis for now? Hank stares at him in disbelief. HANK Are you crazy? This is like some horrible nightmare. I just want to go home. CALLOW Don’t you have any desire to rule a great kingdom by your father’s side? HANK And serve evil? Never. There’s nothing for me here. CALLOW It breaks my heart to here you say that. And you are wrong. I’m not the bad guy. I hope you will discover that truth . . in time. (sighs) There’s no chance you’ll reconsider? HANK Not a chance in . . . you know what I mean. CALLOW Very well. You’re not the only offspring of my demon seed, but you were the one I had the highest hopes for. Still, I will return you to your humdrum life, if that is your wish. (wags his finger) Just remember, the Apocalypse is not as far off as people think. The signs of the end are all around us. Just watch Jerry Springer. There may soon come a day when you have to make a choice, and God is not the great protector his followers believe him to be. Goodbye. A TRANSPARENT ENERGY BALL suddenly surrounds Hank. He HURTLES UP through layer after layer of earth, screaming. Finally, he reaches the surface. CUT TO: INT. BOB’S DONUT SHACK – DAY Hank arrives back in his seat with a jolt. He tips over and people look at him oddly. HANK Maybe it was all a dream . . . He gets to his feet and hurries back to work. CUT TO: INT. KINGDOM OF HELL – CALLOW’S OFFICE Callow summons a lower demon before him. The creepy, skulking creature is known as ASTRYGLL. ASTRYGLL What is thy bidding? CALLOW First, give me a status report, before I turn you into a puddle of goo again. ASTRYGLL Not much is going on. The lawyers rioted again, but we soon contained them. Oh, and the Backdoor Boys have an appointment later on. They want another number one single. CALLOW They’ll have to such Satan’s cock to get that wish. The two laugh good-naturedly. ASTRYGLL Was there anything else, Master? CALLOW Yes. I have to go out of the dimension for a few days. I would like you to keep an eye on my son for me. I want you to assume human form to observe him. I don’t care who you inhabit - a neighbor, a co-worker, even a stranger. Just make sure you keep a low profile. Astrygll SMILES EVILLY. ASTRYGLL It would be a pleasure to return to the surface. CALLOW I fear that the Forces of Light may attempt to harm him, so I trust his safety to you. Do not fail me. Astrygll nods. BAT-LIKE WINGS BURST OUT OF HIS SHOULDERS and he flaps out of the room. Callow sighs and clutches his heart as if in pain. CUT TO: EXT. HANK’S CAR – NIGHT It is a dark and rainy night. Hank drives his car home along a quiet stretch of highway. INT. HANK’S CAR – NIGHT Hank spots a FIGURE by the side of the road, their arm held out. He decides to stop for the hitchhiker. The passenger door soon opens, and a YOUNG WOMAN peers in. She is about twenty and attractive in a goth chick kind of way. Her hair and clothing are sopping wet. HANK Hi. Need a ride? YOUNG WOMAN (smiles) Yeah, thanks. You’re the first person that’s stopped all day. HANK Hop in. She sits beside Hank and slams the door. She looks guilty as the rainwater soaks the seat under her. YOUNG WOMAN Man, I’m gonna flood your car. Sorry. HANK It’s okay. Better than leaving you to catch pneumonia. YOUNG WOMAN Aren’t you a sweetie? HANK You better buckle up. She does. Hank drives off. They sit in silence for a moment. YOUNG WOMAN My name’s Jemma, by the way. HANK I’m Hank. Pleased to meet you. (beat)
Copyright © 2001 Randall Flagg |