Purgatory (1)
DRAMATIS PERSONAE JAMES ('JIMMY') COUSINS AGED 25, ARMY SERGEANT. NICOLA ('NICKY') BENNETT AGED 19, COLLEGE STUDENT. PETER BENNETT AGED 17, SIXTH FORM STUDENT; NICKY'S BROTHER. DIANA FORSTER AGED 22, PRIMARY SCHOOL ART TEACHER. ACT 1 SCENE 1 The Scene opens in a medium-sized living room with a door leading to the kitchen on one side and, directly opposite, a door leading to the hallway. There is a double-glazed window with upper ventilation panes in the middle of the far wall looking out onto countryside. A settee and two armchairs form a semi-circle in front of a TV set. A telephone table with telephone is between the two armchairs. (Jimmy, Nicky, Diana and Peter enter living room from the kitchen. They are all dressed in outdoor hiking gear with rucksacks) JIMMY (with character action) OK, pay attention, everyone. This is it. The first day of what I hope will be a wonderful week trekking over Dartmoor, and it will be if we take care. Look, I know you're all dying to get out and see Dartmoor, but remember I've been here on Army manoeuvres loads of times and if we're not prepared we'll all be dying, period. (glances at his watch) OK, this is today's schedule. Our landlord doesn't seem to have left any breakfast for us so let's not hang around. We start from here at Oh-Eight Hundred Hours. Rest stops are on the hour for ten minutes, and thirty minutes at Becka Falls. Estimated arrival at Hound Tor is Thirteen Hundred Hours where we shall rest for one hour for refreshment and photography. Estimated arrival at Haytor is Sixteen Hundred Hours for a rest stop of thirty minutes. Estimated time of return is Twenty-One Hundred Hours barring any delays or accidents. Anyone wish to add anything? (Nicky snaps to attention and gives Jimmy an exaggerated military salute) NICKY 'Scuse me, sarge! Do we have to obtain permission to take a pee? JIMMY Ha ha ha very funny, Nicky. You think I made sergeant by being lax and disorganised? PETER I don't know, Jimmy - did you? DIANA You may have forgotten, Jim, but we're not in the Army like you, we're just your friends. I mean, this is supposed to be a holiday, remember? Like we're here to have some F - U - N? JIMMY And having fun is a very serious matter, Di. You know what they say about being unprepared? I mean, I'm full of ideas about how to make this week go with a bang. NICKY You're certainly full of something, Jimmy. JIMMY Anyway, before we go any further, let's just check we haven't forgotten anything. (Takes a mobile phone from his jacket pocket and looks at it) JIMMY (continuing) OK - mobile phone functional, charged and - oh, not receiving any signal. (tries to find signal) JIMMY (continuing) Strange, it was working OK yesterday. Oh well, we'll see if it's any better outside. NICKY And if it is maybe we should take the TV and radio outside too and see if they work too. Unless you're suggesting that all the transmitters have gone offline all at once? JIMMY P'raps not, Nicky, but there's not a lot I can do about it here. Di, you got the map? DIANA (Holding up map) Here. JIMMY Nicky, you got the First Aid Kit? NICKY In my rucksack. JIMMY Are you certain? NICKY Yes, I'm quite certain. JIMMY Can you check that it's got anything in it? NICKY Do I have to? JIMMY You wouldn't feel the same way if you fell and cut your leg open on a rock and we didn't have anything to stop the bleeding, now would you? Now please Nicky can you check? NICKY Whatever you say, sir. (Takes off and opens rucksack, removes first aid kit, opens it and shows it to Jimmy) NICKY (continuing) Satisfied? JIMMY Bandages - dressings -plasters -disinfectant -cotton wool - ointment - eyedroppers - yes, it all seems to be here. You can put it back now, Nicky. (Nicky replaces the first aid kit in her rucksack) NICKY Can we get on with it? JIMMY OK - Pete, you got the compass? PETER Oh sure! (Takes a small pocket compass from his jacket pocket) PETER (continuing) Hey guys, this compass ain't broke no more. JIMMY What d'you mean, it ain't broke no more? PETER It was stuck pointing North all the time, now it's pointing all other directions too. JIMMY Nicky, I've been meaning to ask you something. Has your brother always been this dim or was it something he learnt? NICKY Oh believe you me, Jim, nobody could have taught Pete to be that stupid! DIANA Well, don't look at me - I teach geography, not stupidity. (Jimmy takes compass from Peter) JIMMY Hmm - that's odd. DIANA What's odd? JIMMY This compass can't find Magnetic North. NICKY Oh, great, just great. DIANA So how come we didn't have any of this last night? I mean, we had TV and radio, your mobile phone was working fine and so was the compass in your car. This morning - (character action) nothing! JIMMY Maybe it's some odd quirk of this area that only happens under certain conditions, I can't say. NICKY So you've no idea what's going on then, Mister 'I'm- in-Charge'? JIMMY OK, so I admit I've never met anything quite like this, no. But we don't know that whatever-it-is occurs anywhere else, do we? So I propose we follow the schedule and maybe we can get an explanation along the way, right? OTHERS Right! (Led by Peter, they walk out into the hallway) The hallway has a staircase, and the front door opposite the door into the living room. (Peter tries to open the front door but it refuses to open. Nicky, then Diana and finally Jimmy, try to open it unsuccessfully) NICKY Great! Now we can't even get out of the house. DIANA How about the back door? (They all walk out of the hallway, across the living room and into the kitchen) The kitchen is a modern fitted type with a door in one corner. It has a large chest freezer along one wall. (They all try the back door. It also refuses to open) NICKY What the hell's up with this place? DIANA What about the windows? (They all return to the front room and walk over to the window) NICKY Damn, someone's locked the ventilation window and we don't know where the key is. DIANA Can't we just smash the glass? Surely we can just kick it in or throw a chair at it or something? JIMMY It's double glazing, Di, you won't break it that way. That's why in house fires people get trapped in rooms with non-opening windows. Try it sometime if you don't believe me. NICKY So you're saying we can't break it? JIMMY Yes we can, but we need something sharp to break a small hole in one corner where it's weakest, then it'll shatter. Nicky, I need a punch. NICKY My pleasure. (She punches Jimmy on the jaw) JIMMY No, I meant a hole punch. NICKY Oh, that isn't so much fun. (Walks into kitchen and opens drawer underneath sink) NICKY (continuing) Jimmy, weren't there some tools in here last night? JIMMY That's right, I saw 'em myself in the drawer under the sink when I was looking around. Why, aren't they in there? (They all join Nicky in the kitchen and start opening other drawers) JIMMY (continuing) Hmm, this is getting very strange. DIANA Is anyone else thinking what I'm thinking? PETER Well I'm thinking, what're we gonna do stuck here all day with, like, no TV to watch? (The others react) PETER (continuing) Was it something I said? NICKY (To Diana) You mean, like, someone must've done this deliberately so we can't get out? DIANA I'm getting a really bad feeling about all this ... PETER Me too. I hope they've left us some decent vids to watch. JIMMY Anyway, it looks like we may be stuck here some time, so let's see if we can find anything at all to eat. (They all start looking into cupboards) JIMMY (continuing) No tins, no packets, nothing. What's up with this place? NICKY You'd think they'd have left us something to eat. PETER Yeah, a takeaway delivery would cost a bloody fortune right out here! (Diana looks in the fridge) DIANA Hmm, nothing in here either. I'll take a look in the freezer. (She walks over to and lifts the freezer lid. Shrieks and jumps back in horror, dropping the lid) NICKY (Rushing over) What is it, Di? (Gingerly lifts freezer lid) NICKY (continuing; still holding lid open) My God, we've got a dead body in our freezer! JIMMY We've got a what in our freezer? (Walks over to freezer accompanied by Peter) JIMMY (continuing) Jesus Christ! PETER You think it's real? It could, like, be one of those, like, lifelike dummies? JIMMY Yeah, and I'm talking to one. (Jimmy takes a closer look) JIMMY (continuing) It certainly looks real enough. PETER You sure he's, like, dead? JIMMY No, Pete, I think he's hibernating. PETER Really? I didn't know people could do that. (The others react) PETER (continuing) Now what? DIANA (trying desperately to avoid the obvious explanation) Perhaps he fell in and knocked himself out and died from the cold before he woke up? JIMMY What, and as he fell in he somehow somehow managed to end up laid out like that, on his back with his legs straight and his arms folded across his chest like a mummy? I've seen dead bodies falling in all sorts of positions, bu this is definitely a first. DIANA Oh my God, you don't think ...? JIMMY What, that he was murdered? Yeah, maybe, but I can't tell just by looking at him. DIANA How can you stay so bloody calm, Jim? I know you've seen dead bodies being a soldier an' all who fought in the Gulf, but this isn't like that. For all we know the killer could've locked us in here and be hiding somewhere in the house waiting for the right moment to murder us too! JIMMY Yeah, maybe, maybe not. But we don't know whether this poor sod and us being unable to get out are connected, do we? For all we know somebody could be doing all this just to scare the pants off us. NICKY What're you saying, Jim? That this is all some big practical joke? DIANA Oh my God, we're going to die! JIMMY Now please stay calm everyone. I've no idea what's going on here any more than you do. For all I know there could be a killer stalking us and the corpse in the fridge is a previous victim. But we don't know that for sure and we sure as hell ain't gonna get out of here by worrying about it, so please let's just keep our heads and try to work out a survival plan, OK? (The others hesitate before all signifying their agreement) NICKY All right, Sergeant Cousins, since you think you're so bloody clever, what do we do now, huh? Dig an escape tunnel through the kitchen floor? Call in the SAS perhaps? JIMMY You're killing me, Nick. (beat) Well, it's too late to do anything for this poor sod. So we leave him where he is and go back into the living room room to decide what we're going to do next. DIANA What, just leave him there? JIMMY Why, what d'you suggest we do with him, bury him under the kitchen tiles? PETER Don't be silly, Jim, we haven't got a shovel. (The others react) PETER (continuing) Well, we haven't. DIANA But - I mean - that's a real live - I mean dead -human being, Jim. We can't just close the lid and try and pretend we never saw him. JIMMY You think pulling him out and lying him on the kitchen floor is going to be any more dignified? DIANA Er - well - no, I suppose not ... (Jimmy leads them back into the front room) JIMMY OK, let's think about this for a minute. We seem to be trapped in this house with no food and a frozen corpse in our freezer - DIANA (interrupting) My God, you don't think - JIMMY No, Di, I don't think anyone would be that sick! At least, I bloody well hope not ... PETER Hold a minute, guys. Has anyone tried the phone? NICKY Yeah, right, like whoever's doing this does everything possible to stop us leaving the house but leaves the phone working so we can ring for help. JIMMY Maybe you're right, Nick, but why not give it a go anyway? (Nicky picks up phone and puts it to her ear) NICKY My God, I've got a dialling tone! (Jimmy takes phone from Nicky and listens to it before handing it back) JIMMY Bloody hell, you're right! NICKY So who shall I call? JIMMY 999 of course. This is an emergency. (Nicky dials the number. She listens for a short time, then lowers it, ends the call and looks at Jimmy, puzzled) NICKY I just got a recorded message telling me the number has changed and I should re-dial 666. DIANA The mark of the Beast ... PETER Cor, yeah, you're right, Di. Now what film was that in? NICKY It's in the Bible, Pete. PETER The Bible? I don't remember that one - who was in it? (They all react) PETER (continuing) Now what? DIANA I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm really scared. JIMMY Between you and me I ain't exactly thrilled about our position either. But panicking sure as hell ain't gonna get us anywhere. NICKY Jimmy's right, Di. We must stay calm and think straight and we'll all pull through this, OK? DIANA I'll try, Nicky. JIMMY Nicky, ring triple-6 and let's get to the bottom of this. Oh, and put the phone onto hands-free mode so we can all join in. (Nicky dials 666. After a couple of rings the phone is answered by a youngish female voice) MEDUSA (V.O.) Good morning, Hades Corporation, Medusa speaking. And how may I help you? DIANA Did you say "Medusa"? As in the serpent-headed gorgon of Greek legend who turned people into stone just by looking at them? MEDUSA (V.O.) Yes, madam, that is me. I'm so pleased that you've heard of me, it saves an awful lot of explanation as to why I am unable to make house calls. DIANA You don't sound like Medusa. MEDUSA (V.O.) Why, what should I sound like, madam? DIANA I don't know - like a serpent I suppose, all hissy and croaky. MEDUSA (V.O.) Actually, I have serpents in my hair, madam, not down my throat. NICKY I don't know who the hell you are, "Medusa", but I for one don't think it's very funny. MEDUSA (V.O.) I'm sure you don't, madam. NICKY OK, OK, can you please help us? MEDUSA (V.O.) And what is the nature of the emergency? NICKY There are four of us trapped in a house and we've found a dead body in the freezer. We need someone to rescue us. MEDUSA (V.O.) Can I have your names, please? NICKY Our names? Nicola and Peter Bennett, Diana Forster and James Cousins. MEDUSA (V.O.) And how long have you been dead? NICKY How long have we been what? MEDUSA (V.O.) How long have you been dead, madam? NICKY But we're not dead! (beat) Are we? MEDUSA (V.O.) You wouldn't be in Erebus if you weren't, madam. NICKY Where the hell is Erebus? MEDUSA I believe you also call it Purgatory. If you find it easier I shall use that name. JIMMY You mean you're telling us we're in Purgatory? MEDUSA (V.O.) That's correct, sir. JIMMY Then what's Hades doing in charge of Purgatory? MEDUSA (V.O.) Last year the Hades Corporation won a competitive tender to run Purgatory for the next five years, sir. Why, do you have a complaint against the way it's running it? JIMMY Just hold on a minute - You're telling us that the Underworld won the contract to run the Afterlife? MEDUSA (V.O.) No, sir, only Purgatory. NICKY So what are you telling us? That we've died during the night and not been aware of it? MEDUSA (V.O.) Indeed so, most people are not aware of the fact of their death. That is why we try to retain their familiar surroundings until they've become accustomed to their changed circumstances. NICKY So how did we all die together in a house at the same time and not known about it? MEDUSA (V.O.) Hold the line a minute - (long pause) Ah yes - our records show that you all died in a house fire in the early hours of Monday July 13th that completely destroyed the property. I hope that answers your question. NICKY Look, this is getting way, way beyond a joke now! I demand someone come round right this instant and let us out! MEDUSA (V.O.) It really isn't any of my concern whether you believe me or not, madam. NICKY All right then, "Medusa", if we're in Purgatory as you say, what're we supposed to do now, huh? I mean, we've got not a scrap of food to eat and we can't leave the house. MEDUSA (V.O.) So you haven't read the pamphlet then? NICKY What pamphlet? MEDUSA (V.O.) There should have been a booklet explaining all you need to know on your arrival in Purgatory. JIMMY Well, yes, I saw something like that on the table, but I thought it was some Tourist Board promo so I didn't take much notice of it. Why, what about it? MEDUSA (V.O.) It explains everything you need to know as a new arrival. NICKY So how come we can still see Devon out of the window? I mean, if this was Purgatory shouldn't we be seeing, well, Purgatory? MEDUSA (V.O.) Why, what would you all prefer to see out of the window? PETER How about the Bahamas? I've always wanted to see the Bahamas. MEDUSA (V.O.) Is that with or without sound effects? PETER Some reggae would be really cool. Y'know, like, Bob Marley kinda stuff? NICKY (In an angry whisper) Pete! This isn't a game! MEDUSA (V.O.) Very well, I'll see what we can do to get that sorted for you. NICKY Anything else we should know? Are we going to turn into zombies or something? MEDUSA (V.O.) (Laughing) Oh no, nothing like that happens here, madam! You may have some problems adjusting to your new status but we at Hades Corporation are dedicated to Customer Service and will be available 24 Hours a Day 7 Days a Week 365 Days a Year to take your call. NICKY And what about the dead body in our freezer? MEDUSA (V.O.) Oh yes, you did say you had one of those, didn't you? I'm really most terribly sorry about that, madam, we do try to prevent that sort of thing happening especially with new arrivals. DIANA Why, does it happen often? MEDUSA (V.O.) Unfortunately, madam, with so many souls to handle one or two do get mislaid. I promise it won't happen again. DIANA Mislaid? Mislaid? Can you understand for one moment how I felt opening the freezer and finding a corpse inside?
Copyright © 1999 Simon P Smith |