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Short Stories Reviews |
Hunting The Ghost Lion by Wolfa (4) "This story is an amazing work of art. Its detailed and colorful descriptions create the wonderous illusion thatyou are actually in Africa yourself. With an amazing plot twist,and orginal ending, its a suprise this story isn't publicated in magazines and books world wide!!" -- Kristina, Miami..the land of shit, U.S of A, Florida. "Enthusiastic... thank you:)" -- Wolfa. "I always want to comment upon your work Wolfa, and the animal themes that seem to run through most of them, but I rarely find the need. You're very crazy Wolfa, but very good.--The Advisor" -- JA St.George. "Haha! Thank you! This story needs to be drastically edited, though. It is very... bad." -- Wolfa. When Machines Bleed by Mark Brittan (1) "I especially enjoyed the character development regarding the Stevenson head coach. He sounds like a man any boy would love to play for." -- Rick Bye, Utica, MI, USA. Northern Lights by Cathleen M (2) "Excellent detail. I know that you must have studied some of what you wrote." -- AC Keane. "Great story. Your descriptioons are vivid and believable. The reader can sense his agony, and the realization of what he has done. Good luck." -- pat, usa. Two Guys, Two Dogs And Me by Ivana Milakovic (5) ""Me and you and a dog named Boo." Hi Ivana! It's funny that you should appear on the board now, because as of right now I'm working on a young Yugoslavian woman named Razor, whose right forearm was taken off during Milosevic's military campaign, and who finds a replacement for it in the way of a razor-saw which also effectively functions like a hand, but obviously prevents such things as picking her nose." -- AC Keane. "You must be a really nice person. I never met a lesbian who was nice to me." -- Richard, Oh. "?!?" -- Ivana. "I'm sorry, I wasn't referring to you,in case that's what you thought. I meant that gay guys were nice to you but.... Oh, never mind. It's not important. Anyway, a good job on the story. " -- Richard . "No, I just wasn't sure what you meant. I've only met one gay guy and yes, he happens to be a nice guy, though I've seen some gay people on TV I'd NEVER want to meet in person. I'm glad you liked the story! :)" -- Ivana. The Perfect Snow Angel by Wolfa (3) "It's rare that anything works in the present tense, but here you manage to make it work well." -- AC Keane. "This story is amazingly moving, in the way it can play with your emotions much like a remote control switches channels on a T.V. After reading it i was left in awe by the originality and incredible stoy-telling, that depicts an entire life right before your eyes." -- Kristina, Miami(the hell whole), Florida, United States. "Excellent! I was immediately engrossed...well done!" -- Camryn Chase, NS, Canada. Hooked by Richard Koss (6) "Excellent work! A pure kick in the teeth of an ending! Smooth prose. Keep blasting away. Good luck!" -- F.J. Gouldner. "I appreciate your comments, F.J. Actually,I inserted the unedited word file when I first submitted it and I just now re-submitted the edited version, which I think is a little better. It'll be posted soon." -- DK. "Great writing, great ending. There's a slight danger that the title could give too much away, apart from that, perfect." -- David Gardiner, London, England. "Lovely. I forgot about the title as I read it so didn't get it from that, in fact at first I thought she was dead. This is one of those where you just know something is 'wrong' but it kept me guessing until the end. Oh to be loved the way he loved her. " -- Sooz, Dalton, Cumbria, England. "Excellent, i loved it, nice ending." -- Josh / Axey. "I read it. Nevertheless, I don't intent to give it a review. Keep writing, anyway, others seem to be thrilled." -- CJW. The Gorgeous Ganges by Sreenivasa Murthy Govindaraju (4) "Indian customs well depicted. Even a sanyasi can't shelve his duty to the departed. Govindaraju- congrats" -- Manu Joshi, Nasik, India, Maharashtra. "This ia excellent and I visualized the scene at the banks of Ganges when I read it and that Sanyasi was a real charecter created by the writer. A good writer." -- Pramod Kumar K, Los Angeles, CA, USA. "i enjoyed reading that strry.it was nice." -- siddharth, south shields, new castle . "Light hearted and Gripping.. Very well written. " -- Yesh, Ontario, CA, USA. Motorways On Mars by J P (3) "Cute story, and well-written. Maybe it would be better if Martians didn't have human names and vehicles (it's not much work, really, just give them some silly names and silly ways of transportations that can still get jammed). Keep writing!" -- Ivana Milakovic. "A Martian named Joe! A searghent thatt can call an interplanetary war! Well, only in an America imagined by a 15 year old scotish dude. At least it is funny." -- iseldar kay. "Just wanted to say I enjoyed your story and to keep writing... you're young so the more you write, the more you mold your craft. Write down everything and never delete any thoughts. When I was your age I was into punk and played bass as well... same initials too haha. Anyway, keep up the good work." -- Jeffrey Pillow, Phenix, VA, United States. I Am No Exception by Sreenivasa Murthy Govindaraju (2) "Though it was written as a personal experience, the suspense was maintained throughout and it was interesting." -- T V Rao. ""Very good flow which keeps the reader courious till the end" - Ramu " -- Ramu, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. The Second Coming by L M Long (4) "This story was ok and written pretty good, but despite the controversy I kind of lost interest at some parts and felt like I was being dragged along. Basically, it seemed like it was longer than what it should have been, so you might want to work on it. Sorry. Now, if I may, I'd like to present an opposing argument. I personally hold the Bible to be the end-all-be-all of truths. Yes, I do agree with you in saying that there are those who are and were and will continue to be crooked, but you cannot group everyone that way. Just as there are the crooked, there are also the true and true indeed. You bring up the point of hardship and why things happen the way they do. Well, the reason being is that God respects our free will, our freedom to choose. As I write this now, people are starving in all parts of the world, but does it have to be that way and is it in any way shape or form the fault of God, or even an indicator as to His degree of mercy? Not by any means. Famine exists because of greed. There are so many people in this world blessed in abundance who do nothing for their fellow man and it just sickens me to the core. God works through those who are willing. He will not impose upon us that which we do not accept. He will not bend you over his knee and make you do something. It is entirely up to you. He gives you the ability to perform something and it is your responsibility, with Him overseeing, to see it through. That is how I see it. You also say with regards to religious persecution the following: "This has been going on for centuries in all countries of the world. There is no way an "all-forgiving god", a "merciless god" could go on watching this and not step in and say hey! Enough of this. This was not meant to be this way. No, nothing like that is happening is it? And it won't either." The reasons Christ did not return during these times but is yet at the door of our own is many, but I will comment on one. The Bible says that Jesus will return when Man is on the brink of destroying himself. In those times, Man did not have the ability to utterly destroy itself as we do now. Nuclear arsenal did not exist then, it exists now, therefore, if we follow the teachings of the Bible, Christ must return soon for this singular fact alone. I'm going to stop now, as I'm sure others will approach with their views and I have to save something for later. " -- Michael. "Someone should remind "Michael" that the book was only FICTION! You should write your reviews on the book, not push your religious beliefs on here! I thought the story was great, and will look forward to reading some more of your writting. Keep up the good work! " -- Holly. "I can't agree that the story was great. It's too long and it's boring. First you tell us that the Second Coming wasn't what some people expected. OK, fine. Than you drag us around explaining why is it that you don't believe in God. Dying father, priest and a nun that are hypocrites... Cliche after cliche, and every one of them too long. Somewhere you mention that some jerks killed themselves. Then you add more cliches. And then you tell us that it was actually little green men that came to Earth. Poor structure, and above all, boring!" -- Ivana Milakovic. "I understood that it was only fiction, "Holly", it's just that it's obvious that the views presented here are the views of the author's, and not the characters. The piece was basically written as a way to vent negative feelings on Christianity and Christians as a whole, when what the author should have focused on was creating a solid piece of work. And so I responded in Christianity's defense. And to be quite honest, I don't think I acted harshly in stating my opinion at all. You didn't hear me say anything to the effect of "You're stupid," or "Death to all nonbelievers." Now did you? " -- Michael. The One That Got Away by Matt Tracy (1) "Not bad mate. Thought provoking." -- G Pearson. The Irish Cinderella by Stills (4) "This thing was Crapfest 2001. It was filled with spelling errors, grammatical errors, and looks as if it was written for English class by some sophomore in Towson High. I mean, it's just plain bad. Since I'm sure the author, "Stills," would not appreciate having it thrown away, he should at least check to make sure there's no one else he should give credit to (maybe it starts with a "D"). So, anyway, I loved it" -- Schminke. "yeah (schminke=mi amigo Andy) and he is right i tried to also give credit to the co-author dan aka solar boy who is a genious in this style of random madness! but it didnt werk and only came up as my name...my bad peace out" -- Stills. "OoO! Nice site! I juuust LOVE it! Found it rather interesting and useful, you know:) http://www.phentermine.grandsearch.net" -- Phentermine, ..., ..., .... "Ehmm..m. Sehr gut Seite! Ich sage innig..!:) bmw" -- BMW, ..., ..., .... Street Smarts by B. P. Skinner (1) "Pretty good, B.Skinner! It goes places I didn't expect and felt like a longer story was there. Occasionally i heard the voice of a spunky private eye in there (well, I AM a Kinsey Millhone fan). Good Work -- Love, Deb." -- Little Tree, Rochester, MN. Quiet Escape by Cathleen M (2) "Hi! Have you seen Annie Van Dalsem's "Streetlights" also upon the short story board. I think you'd find it interesting, it is a similar theme, but mind you I mean in no way that they are one in the same." -- AC Keane. "Some construction problems isolating character thoughts, past vs. present, etc. Could have been easier to follow. Otherwise, a good effort which shows promise. I'm a bit too cynical to appreciate the theme with its overdone contrast between the yuppie lifestyle(Volvo and nice neighborhood) and the tragic homeless person(stuff oozing from his feet). My real life experiences have taught me that most of these people are victims of their own poor choices and not necessarily forgotten because of tragedies or acts of God beyond their control. Don't mean to politicize my review and I realize this is just a story. As you get older, you will find yourself agreeing more with my point of view, even if you don't now believe that. " -- Richard, OH. Or So He Thought by Mark Brittan (3) "Mark Brittan proves that sometimes the shortest stories are the best!" -- Kuno. "Nice first submission, Mark. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that this was based on an actual occurrence. Am I right? " -- Michael. "I think the motivations of the Aubrey character should have been explored more thoroughly. Such as the late-night hangup calls, the stalking by "Evan", and how Aubrey felt about going with a guy who wouldn't do anything about his halitosis and bathed maybe 2x a week." -- Lovemark17, Metro Detroit, MI, USA. No Such Thing As Stage Fright by Megan Swope (6) "I love this story!!! I think Megan has the potential to become an awesome author. I love the truth in it!!! Congratulations!" -- Dana . "Great story from an awesome young author!" -- The Critic. "Megan your story is soo great. I'm glade that they put it out there for eveyone to see one of your many talents. Love ya babes!" -- Dani, Los Altos, USA, CA. "megan you are a terrific writer and i realy think she become a great author.Im realy happy for you.Congratulations i luv you" -- Kelly, mt.view, CA. "Fuckin' right on. RIP Johnny Ramone! I knew a girl named megan. A sweet thing from cinncinati. Check out my piece, 'the five string'" -- jkpayson. "Some good writing here, very well done. This is coming from another 16 year old, so, here's to you kid." -- Jack Brown. Going To The Opera by Susan T Fisher (1) "Alien barf! Not your story of course." -- AC Keane. Bethlehem In Berlin (A Christmas Story) by Glyn Norman (3) "Yea, I once tried to write a modern retelling of the Nativity as well back when I was in junior high for a play. "Tried" is the operative word, because my playwriting skills sucked and still do. Yours is far superior to what I was trying to accomplish circa 1990 New York City." -- AC Keane. "Question: Are Ned and Susan Berlin-ish names? Anyways, that was an awesome story. Very imaginative and impressive" -- Wolfa. "Like the first reviewer, I've tried something similar too, but from the point of view of the "Innkeeper", who builds up the nativity fantasy in his own mind when a pregnant teenager asks him for a help. I thought this one worked very well. I wouldn't bother trying to locate it in any particular city, it doesn't add anything to the piece." -- David Gardiner, London, England. Another Night At The Club,,,,, by Kristina Tonic (2) "Check sie grammar mein fraulein!" -- The Grammar Nazi. "Interesting ending to a degree. However the descriptive prose needs to be trimmed down. The generalizations are too great. " -- pat , usa. The Ransom by Jesse Olson (2) "Ok. The story started promising enough...I thought with such an interesting begining and a shady past with the main character (maybe an unlikely hero), and the angry beautiful woman, that we'd have a potential great story on our hands. But it leads nowhere. We don't know: 1. Who this guy was, why he raped the woman, what his motivation was, what he does for a living. Christ, we don't even know why he was on the plane! 2. Same for the woman. Why'd they kidnap her son? How did the kidnappers make the connection between she and John? 3. Who were the guys in the treehouse? Why'd they kidnap the boy, why were they fighting? There are so many questions I could go on for a couple hours...but instead I'll just say you have a promising start...but a long way to go. And don't label this story action cause you used a gun. You wanna read action...read In the Light of a Shadow, by myself, or Spooks by my two pals Jan and Smokey. But this...is crap for lack of a better word. Promising stories that turn out bad are worse than ones that start off bad...cause you end up dissapointed. And that's what I am. Dissapointed." -- Robert Hagans, Westminster, Md, The ol' U.S. of A.. "Your paper was written very well. It was suspenseful, and I couldn't wait to go on to each new paragraph. I also liked your introduction because it caught my attention right away. I immediately became involved in the story from the beginning when i was also wondering whothe stange woman was to the end when the John was in the tree and the baby was falling. Overall, this is very good!" -- Kristen, Normal, IL, USA. Searching For Sleep by Alberto Pupo (8) "Huh?" -- No Name Rogers. "If no one minds me saying so, I think No Name Rogers has some of the best commentary." -- Tyna Aberdeen. "What? Advice? Spelling! Edit! Syntax!" -- Judi Goff, Tampa, Fl, USA. "Try proofreading." -- Ty. "Did you not attend K-12 grades. You were supposed to learn how to spell and use commas. Not to mention all the run on sentences. And what is the ending all about?" -- hairball82. "I see that alot have you have quite a few things to say about this piece mainly dealing with the numerous grammar errors strewn throughout, well as I posted this just understand that I didn't really go and edit it, so please I know there are errors, but I would apreciate hearing more about the content of the story itself, rather than simply stating it's mechanical problems" -- Alberto Pupo -author. "So no cracks about "Mozart" and "bastards"? Alright, I agree with what No Name Rogers said, the ending does strike a "Huh?" response from the reader, but I assume that is what you were trying to achieve. Nothing needs to be said beyond that, you achieved what you set out to achieve. " -- AC Keane. "OK I'll throw you a hint Alberto. As you know Storymania doesn't edit your story for you upon submission. But you can edit ahead of time without manually scanning every line. How you say? Easy. Just enter a word program, write whatever your going to write, then let your built-in grammar program scan it to weed out what you don't want. Once it's the way you want it, give it a manual read-through once just to make sure. Then in your toolbar select Edit, then Select All, Copy. Once you arrive at Storymania's website and go to submit your work, you can then go to that little submission box and press Paste, and wham it's all there, without a single word skipping a beat due to manual retyping. Try this method on AC's Fiction Contest now listed on the board, his contest should be right up your alley genre wise, and let me know if it works for you at [email protected]. Always happy to help!" -- Tyna Aberdeen. Man's Best Friend by Glen Pearson (3) "The story was good, a little too much swearing. I think that if you do not make the main character such trash that the story could be more of a success. If the story had an actual plot with out as much slang I think it would be easier to read. Over all It is a good story with an interesting sorty line just the cussing and name calling was a little too much." -- Mike, Normal, IL. "Nature, huh? Nasty sense for humour...I like it. Good story. The swearing was in the character, so that's ok." -- Ivana Milakovic. "Hmmm...two reviews, one good, one not so good. But cheers to you both, I can take criticism as good as the next man (or woman) if not better, 'cos I know I ain't perfect. But the question on nobody's lips is: what does everyone else think?" -- Glen, Bath, England. Spooks by Jan And Smokey (3) "hey rob and jan great story i like the fact that my tie is terrible! keep writin" -- Stills, towson, md, usa. "I like the cute cafe waitress. Think she'd go out with me?" -- Smokey Lonesome, Whistle Stop, Alabama. "Hey you guys!!! Great story, really funny tie and characters! I know you people from somewhere, don't I? Happy smiles rule!" -- J Kemmery, Baltimore , MD, U.S.A.. Spooks: Chapter 2 by Jan And Smokey (1) "Hey doods me again love the way the plot is unfolding but i have this strange hurting in my arm lol!" -- Stills, Towson, Md, USA. Pound Of Fruit by Michael David West (1) "Pound of Fruit is a good short story. There are some minor grammatical errors, such as punctuation. Other than that, it was written very well. An idea for revision would be to tie the war in more with the pound of fruit party. In other words, try starting with how hard the war was and then lead into what got you through it. Or, elaborate at the end with the war. Also, do not abandon the depression. You stopped talking about it after the party. Leaving the reader to wonder how your family managed to survive. Try to look at the main points and tie all of them together a little better. Overall, very nicely done." -- Monica Vill, Bloomington, Illinois, USA. Bleeding Entropy by Oleander Myst (1) "THIS is an amazingly well written story, a gem among mere grits of sand. Professional quality, a joy to read. Thank you for having written it." -- Clyde, Upstate, New York, USA. Go to page: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 |
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