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Short Stories Reviews |
The House That Bernard Wellingsworth Built by Michael Harris (7) "This story was great! No other words can explain. You are really good." -- Skyler. "Hey, Skyler! I'm thrilled you liked the story. I left a review on your story about Marilyn some time ago. The reason I say that now is because I don't know if you have your account set up so that you'd be emailed when you receive a review. Thanks again for your comments. " -- Michael Harris, Detroit. "Wow that was beautifully written... your dialogue was unbelievable and word choice superb! I remember a similar plot from a movie. You are a damn good writer... gave my heart that rush of fear a few times. You got "horror" down. I really liked how you began... really sucked the reader in... No one can say no to a crazy story from a lunatic. And your vocabulary is never ending... you got books of words in your head I bet... from reading it I got a feeling of British literature... kina reminded me of Steve Aylett. If you haven�t read any of him, I strongly suggest you do... brilliant horror author. Keep it up." -- ryan severud. "Hey, Ryan! Thank you for your comments. It means a lot to me when such a capable writer like yourself gives me praise. Thanks again, and I hope to read more of your work in the future." -- Michael Harris, Detroit. "Oh Wow! There are no other words to describe it. Honestly, I was completely taken aback by the whole story. Very well done. You use such beautiful language and imagery. i wouldn't change a thing. Excellent job!" -- Christina Aspears. "Hey, Christina! I'm glad you liked the story. It has a very Edgar Allen Poe type feel to it, at least I'd like to think so. Thanks again." -- Michael Harris, Detroit, MI. "In my opinion, I think that this short story was very good. I like how you broadened your vocabulary to make the story more in depth and detailed. Also I liked how you used your imagination. It made me feel like I was actually there." -- Brittany. Tales Of The Horror Inducing Kind by Michael Harris (4) "Wow, that was wicked. Nice job! I really like the style too, reminded me of Robert Louise Steveson. " -- km. "Erg! i want to read this really bad but i cant stand reading off the monitor... get it published and i'll buy it off you." -- ryan severud. "Once again, you astonish me. These were great stories indeed. " -- Skyler. "Hey, Skyler! Thanks again for your comments. They were greatly appreciated. I tend to think that out of all of the stories "The Centipedes" is the weakest. Even though horror doesn't necessarily have to be scary, there is only one section of that story where the reader might get frightened, at least I think so. Thanks again! I'm glad you think so highly of me. Take care. " -- Michael Harris, Detroit, MI. Evil's Fingers by Michael Harris (18) "I think that it was a very good story. I liked the part when Timmy fell into the pit and the grunting beasts came and tried to communicate. There isn't anything that I disliked. If it was a movie I would give it two big thumbs up." -- Brittany Harris, Detroit, MI, USA. "Hey, Brittany! Thanks for your comments and I'm glad you liked the story. Hey, have you noticed that we live in the same city? That's quite a coincidence, isn't it? For those of you who don't know (and that's everyone) Brittany and I are siblings. But let it be known that I didn't tell her what to say in her review. These are (at least I think they are) her true feelings about the story. Hopefully seeing this review will give more people the gumption to want to read through the story, as it really is one of the best short stories I've ever written. Please! If you're reading this, then read the story!" -- Michael Harris, Detroit, MI. "I can't wait for the sequel "Evil's Toes"." -- Bobo. "You just couldn't resist the urge, could you?" -- Michael, Detroit. "I really liked this story! It had a neat little moral about not destroying what you don't understand. Very interesting! One of the most interesting things I have read here! Imaginative, pretty good dialog as well. Keep on truckin'!" -- Collins, in, in, us. "Hey, Collins! Your comments were greatly appreciated. In fact, I hadn't even noticed that the story contained that moral that you mentioned. Nice analysis. Thanks a mil!" -- Michael Harris, Detroit. "I liked it too. Hey, it would make a good movie. " -- km. "Hey, km! I'm glad you liked the story. Thanks a mil for your comments!" -- Michael, Detroit, MI. "Hey Michael, I enjoyed the story as well. It read like a story I've written about eight years ago during my freshman year of high school. Nice work!" -- Skyler Drevan. "Hey, Skyler! I'm glad you liked the story. Take care." -- Michael Harris, Detroit, MI. "Great introduction to the story - it kept up my interest and drew me deeper into the plot. Wonderful descriptions keeping the story moving along at a good pace. Once again, excellent use of dialogue, as you've demonstrated so many times throughout your work. I'm very much impressed and enjoyed reading your stories. You have a vivid and fertile imagination. Well done, Michael." -- Gregory Christiano, Hopatcong, NJ, USA. "Hey, Gregory! You're the first person to remark on my introduction. I was going for a Lovecraftian feel with it. Thanks a mil for the review!" -- Michael Harris, Detroit, MI. "Your voice has certainly matured but I fear that it could have grown a little too formal for the subject matter - this could easily be made into a children's story (ever considered the market?). I'll start with a couple of notes that I picked up on. Being overly specific with the time, the time of day and which day of the week takes away a bit of the magic of the piece. I think it might be better left 'timeless' - you can say 'the next day' and 'yesterday' and what not, but don't give it the particulars of Monday, Tuesday, five o'clock etc. This piece of dialogue "I just told him to be safe, and he said he would, running out of the house in his customary manner with his arms splayed out mimicing a bird." doesn't sound realistic, and it would be better if changed slightly to "I just told him to be safe, and he said he would." Timmy then ran out of the house in his customary manner with his arms splayed out mimicing a bird. Where Timmy's mother and nanny are talking about him suddenly being social, shouldn't they be pleased rather than quizzing him about it? The mayor sounds like he naturally speaks like he's making speeches on the election campaign. I like how the story begins centred around Timmy but is then confined to the parents - the bunch of innocents. Who were the creatures who chatted at the top of the pit? Good description all the way through - this is a very good piece of work. Just keep polishing it until it sparkles - good luck." -- Jack Brown. "Hey, Jack! My father wants me to write children stories and I've even taken a children's literature class but I've just never got the gumption to write children's stories. The creatures who chatted at the top of the pit could either be orcs or goblins depending on your point of view. Thanks for the review and I'll be looking forward to your Goblin sequel." -- Michael Harris, Detroit, MI. "Yeah, that might take me a while but I'll keep you posted, lol. Just posted the Happy House and have started a romance novel (eek) so we'll see how all that goes." -- Jack Brown. "Yeah, I was intent on reading and critiquing your newest story too, just so you know. Until then I guess." -- Michael Harris, Detroit, MI. "Do you use any pen-names, Michael? http://www.fantastichorror.com/06/byron-evilsfingers.html ... We would like to straighten this out." -- Fantastic Horror. "No I don't actually. That's pretty shocking. I contributed to this guys horror emag a couple of times in the past..." -- Michael Harris, Detroit, MI. Dragonfly Mile by D G Williford (15) "Well Deb, interesting work of narrative poetry. You mentioned you were going to base a larger work upon this, and this probably saw no reason to complete this piece, but I'd suggest finishing it before showing it, because it doesn't end as a cliff-hanger, it just ends incomplete. BTW nothing belongs to "it" so change "it's", in the last paragraph to "its"." -- Jerry St. George. "I don't fucking believe it!!! I haven't attempted to write, much less, submit anything since Doc died and the one person that shot me down back then is the only person that "reviewed" this piece now! Mr. George - if you would kindly not critique my work, I would greatly appreciate it... thanking you in advance D.G. Williford Review of HOTHOUSE LIZARDS D.G. Williford This is the type of piece that I�d love to line-edit, given the chance, because it�s a work that was written by a capable hand that just needs to have some of its creases pressed. But I�m not here to try and convince you to hire a script doctor, this is only meant to be a simple review. So let me stop boring you and I�ll get on with it. You took a narrative approach to the piece but I would have eliminated entire self-references passages which make certain sentences sound wonky such as when the narrator tells of her story beginning by actually telling the reader �My story begins�� Avoid stating the obvious and just head right on into the story via �Ripe out of an all women�s college�� It�s apparent you�ve taken the time to get the spelling, grammar and lay-out edited, which is a good practice, since most publishers will throw away any manuscript if they (A) don�t want to expend the effort correcting the writer�s mistakes, or (B) feel that the writer doesn�t care enough about his/her own work to hand in the best possible copy. Keep that up, force me to hunt very hard to find any errors. There were only a few that I�ll touch upon. I believe most were typos, such as a few mistake contractions �She wanted noone� and mistake separations �new found.� When you did use stylistic alterations to the text it was at the appropriate times �Hi, My Name is Hope� Using italics must always serve the text, if it were something mundane it would only call attention to itself, and you seem to know that. I would have also used italics where you were pointing out specific alphabetical letters, as a way to off-set them from the rest of the text. I don�t understand your use of underlining in at least two places �Mamma doesn�t seem so strong some days. I know it�s none of my business. I� being one. And I�d alter several of the sentences where dialectal speech is used. �Come jine me. Lemme red ya fuchah. De cards fin� ya fucha. Dee no lie. Dee cho� only tru�� It took me several minutes to translate it to �Come join me. Let me read your future. The cards find your future. ??? no lie. ??? ??? only true.� The last thing you want as a writer is for the reader to stop, re-read a passage then become frustrated and decide it isn�t worth the effort. Is it worth showing how the character sounds and speaks to add to the character�s characterization, if the reader requires a translator? Be honest about your answer. There are easy ways to fix this while still making the speech of the character unique from any generic stock speech, and if I were line-editing I�d go over each point with you, but since this is just a review the best I can suggest to add flavor to character speech, while avoiding aggravating the reader is to get a hold of Stein on Writing which is an excellent book even if you�ve already read it. As for the story itself. It caught this reader�s interest. A story weighted with suspense about two young women�s journey by car through the bayou circa the late 70s???, laden with a great deal of detail, though some sentences didn�t require it. Not everything needs to be detailed if it isn�t important to the story. I think the narrative direction of this tale worked well for it, but there were several significant breaks in it when the p.o.v. switched jarringly and obviously many times. You are telling the story through the eyes and words of Drinda, and unless she has godlike powers there is no way for her to see the actions of the voodoo priestess. It is a major first-person to third-person jump. You�ll want to keep it uniform, and while you�re at it make the transitions between the scenes clearer to the reader, immediately answering questions like: where exactly is Drinda heading? Why is the writer now suddenly concentrating on the priestess character? What you�ve done really well in this piece is cover characterization, allowing the reader to get to know each of the main characters as individuals and care about the plot they are placed in. If you have any questions D.G., about this review please feel free to ask. But if you only have commentary to the affect of "You don't know what you're talking about, so-and-so loved my work." then please refrain from sending a response. Thank-you. " -- Author. "whoa....*walks away quietly* I read it Deb...I thought it was beautiful" -- km. "Thanks Kim... I needed a friendly voice of encouragement. Hey, I realize that it is certainly not Keats, but I write to empty my head. Maybe I should stick to Word documents. Thanks for your kind review though... I had to chuckle at the walking away line! Missed you...Deb" -- Author. ""Mr. George - if you would kindly not critique my work, I would greatly appreciate it..." -- DG Williford. As you wish." -- Jerry St. George. "I'm confused you said that you want people to "stab" your latest submission, but you don't want people to edit it. Please don't get mad at me, I'm not trying to be weasely or anything, but just what do you mean by "stab", before I go and make a faux pas like St. George?" -- Jenna , Marketville, GA. "I genuinely liked the piece, especially about the symbolism and personification of things metamorphosizing (sp?) into creatures. Just want to make sure I got a good grasp on the piece. Is this the opening chapter to the larger piece you want to create, or is this self-contained and the larger work will be inspired from it? Please don't take my head off, raw typing just makes me come off as such an ass, I'm really not. ha, ha. :-)" -- Jenna, Marketville, GA. "Jenna - I did indeed write that in the Advisor, but little did I know that Mr. George was still lurking around among "his subjects". I would think that he would be among his equals. Thanks for reading this piece and giving me your thoughts. I appreciate that, more than you can know. Deb" -- Author. "I would love to be able to write symbolism as Alice Hoffman writes, but alas, I'm a lonely writer just trying to get ideas, thoughts, garbage and clutter out of my brain. I have been struggling to write a novel about two girls that set out from the upstate of S.C. to the lower part of the state on a journey steeped in voodoo and such... but as you can see in the above review, it didn't help my morale too much. I won't let one person stop me, especially one that thinks he's Shakespeare incarnate.... Deb" -- Author. "Hey I know what you mean, I used to get so pissed off at my English teachers in school, because they were always pointing out where they thought I needed to improve, they meant well, but they really pissed me off, because they were picking on my baby you know. My stories are like my babies, I raise them, love everything they do, and if someone should so much as point out a mole on them then there'll be hell to pay from this mother hen. I can sympathize with you. You just might want to avoid asking other people to help you in the future if your work is too personal to you, especially poetry which I don't think anybody else has the right to mess with, since its from the heart." -- Jenna . "Thanks Jenna! I agree with everything. I didn't even remember putting anything in the Advisor until I saw it the next day. I usually get inspiration to write from an unusual occurance, or drinking a good Merlot. I think it was the latter that evening. I will refrain from asking for help, just opinions from now on, with the hope that readers will enjoy delving into the madness that I call my brain now and again. Have a great weekend! Deb" -- Author. "Its called constructive critisim, deal with it and move on. its there to help you improve not hurt your feelings" -- m. "I'm have litl dog & cat! I want to share with you were you'll be find this for your pets: collar nice buy cat buy nice cat collar collar buy cat nice nice collar buy cat nice collar cat buy nice cat collar buy buy quality cat collar nice buy cat collar nice buy collar cat dog collar " -- Fill, Moscow, Moscow, Ukraine. "I got dizzy just trying to figure out who's reviewing and who's responding. The piece is incomplete, which is a big no-no as far as I'm concerned. Fifth paragraph - wound THEIRselves?? Shame on you. " -- Richard. "A while back, I had mostly positive impressions of your writing. Your last few efforts seem to reflect a pervasive mood of impatience and curtness. This mood is also evident in your responses to criticism, particularly the comments of St. George. I've known several women your age who displayed similar mood swings - apparently they were going through menopause. " -- Richard. The Crown Of Hypocrisy by Collins (1) "Okay, I know there are bad typos in the intro to this, but I got excited, I tried to fix them but the password service dosen't recognize my new e-mail adress. SOplease ignore them." -- Collins, IN, IN, US. When Oil Wells Will Be Dry�.. by Partha Pratim Majumder (6) "Really thoughtful fiction !!! " -- Henry Jackson, LA, USA. "Again this works well...you can hold a reader with your use of words and draw him into your tale. I liked this though not one of your best...still A-number 1. " -- e. rocco caldwell. "Good storyline which says of a predictable period when there may not be any adventure left for mankind. " -- Bruno Lloyd, Sydney, Australia. "Good story of global relevance.... Interesting end... I like it. Cerry on Partha..." -- P Moitra, West Bengal, India. "Unique topic..... excellent characters. Waiting for your next writing. I like it. " -- Amitava Dutta, New Delhi, India. "Bravo! A very thought provoking story. I liked it. The story makes one think that sometimes innocence makes one think more logically than experience. The narrrator revels in the past but the young boy stands for the future. " -- Amit Shankar Saha, Kolkata, West Bengal, India. The Stone Of Immortality by Susan Brassfield Cogan (1) "It has been a while since I read your work...again this is well written. Is this the Roland of the crusades? " -- e. rocco caldwell. The Portrait Of A Ukrainian Lady by Abdelilah Bouasria (1) "I was touched by your story. Keep up the good work Abdelilah!" -- sanaa, Morocco. Snakeyes Part Two by David Con (4) "outstanding....that's more like the DOC we know" -- km. "I don't care where you were... I'm glad you're back in the saddle again. " -- D. G. Williford. "Bleedingly pleasing!" -- e. rocco caldwell. "The snake, in all it's fury, sank it's teeth into Taslow's right shoulder, missing the catorid artery by at least eight inches; Didn�t you mean carotid artery? Also, eight inches is a large area. That�s roughly twenty-four centimetres. Taslow, in quick retaliation, sank his filed, razor sharp teeth You�ve already mentioned that his teeth are filed. Taslow's grasp, his thick, beefy fingers squeezing the beast's body in a death grip, it's last, Cut either thick or beefy. Both do a good enough job. Then Taslow, anticipating the next battle, the next cheer from the crowd, wanting to feel special; wanted, craved, idolized, glanced over to the left side of the arena, watching another mutant creature, this one a mutant spider the size of a dog, You�ve used mutant twice. That�s lazy writing. Before the bombs dropped. You�re hinting at backstory here. Unless you are going to give more explanation, you can cut this line, as it does not move the story forward and is not needed for the reader to understand what is currently happening. And the world, as Taslow had once known it, in all it's infinite madness, kept turning. The show must go on. I think you need to decide if you want to write a poem or a short story. There was no dialogue between characters, no real plot. This is a vignette, not a short story. " -- Brandyn, London. Snakeyes - Part One by David Con (5) "Very intriguing...I'm going for part two now" -- km. "without a doubt in my mind who the real author is of this piece. Taslow = Death-incarnate = Doc" -- D. G. Williford. "it truly is, Doc! Man, I've missed this stuff!" -- e. rocco caldwell. "Well, Doc, or David, whichever you prefer, I have not previously read any of your work, but I decided to read it now because of the uproar on the Advisor board. What follows is my honest, unbiased opinion. He knew if he didn't stare the beast down before the battle even began, it would have an immediate advantage over him. If you you stared into them too long.. ...well...it could mean Talow's instant death. You�re contradicting yourself. In my opinion, staring down a beast will take a while. It was all just a game a game, yes, BUT, still a game which held a very high price to win. I don�t understand why you wrote �but� in capital letters. There are better ways of emphasizing words. This way, the word pulled me out of the story. but, as always, he didn't intend to end up on the short end of the stick. �Short end of the stick� is cliched. Use something more original. It's fangs, saber-like, No comma here. Never for possessive it. the ring announcer bellowed the opening statements; ''Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the show! Tonight, we have a very welcome and anticipated return act! In the right side of the ring, we have Taslow Armand! The warrior of the wasteland! The master of fuckin disaster! He could eat lead and shit bullets! Firstly, a semi-colon preceded the dialogue. Over here in the UK we use either a comma or a colon. Never semi-colon. But that doesn�t mean you don�t use semi-colons over there. Too many exclamation marks. Elmore Leonard said that you should aim for two exclamation marks per hundred thousand words. Now, of course that�s a blanket statement intended for novel, and can�t work for everything. But in this case, I think you�ve gone for the easy option. Plus you�ve already used �bellowed�, which I think says enough. ''Well then! Lets get on with it!!'' One exclamation mark is forgiveable. Two are not. As the snake coiled it's body into and S shape, It should read �an S-shape�. You�ve again used �it�s� instead of �its�. Either you are using Spellcheck and not re-reading, or you unaware of the punctuation rule. Either way, spelling errors and typos are insulting to the reader. Why? Because by reading your story, they are giving you their undivided attention (well, most of the time, at least). You not going through your story and finding all the typos means you couldn�t care less. That is lazy writing. Taslow's head lunged forward. Why only head? Without the rest of his body following, his head couldn�t lunge further than a few inches. I think Taslow lunged would be a better choice. " -- Brandyn , London. "This is writing? This is the kind of product you master critics, E.Rocco, D.G.,km, and many others I'm sure, consider worthy of recognition, admiration and praise? A smattering of fantasia, a regurgitation of animated televison anti-hero serials,narration and dialogue on par with comic book writers - Sorry Virginia, there is no Santa Claus - just the work of an insecure, copycat, charletan, who masquerades as a prolific and creative teller of tales. But on this site........ as in the land of the blind - the one-eyed man is king. That sums up nicely my father's sentiments about most of the writers who post on Storymania. " -- Emil Sorrell, (Lester's son). Playing Games by Clint Stutts (2) "nice little twist at the end...not bad of a story. I enjoyed it a lot!" -- e. rocco caldwell. "Good stuff, didnt see that one coming." -- Vyacheslav Yampolsky. Plane Inspection by Shelley J Alongi (3) "Shelley, you're a great story teller. You've been away a while havent you? Seems you were here posting and then suddenly gone. Glad you're back." -- km. "Nice to read a short story writer. You used deposited twice to close to one another and sometimes your comma use, bugged me. Your semi-colons were hip though. loved your conversation dialogue. It reads naturally. 'Recalcitrant grease smudge' was a gem. And 'pretending to inspect a tomato slice' was cute. Not much climax in this one, but I like that - it reminds me of John Updike. And wasn't Richard Bach a pilot. Liked the story. Yaay" -- non-associated visitor. "Hi KM and Non associated visitor. Yes Richard Bach was indeed a pilot. KM, I have been away a while; I usually post when I have writing to put here so I haven't worked on much for a while. Glad you two liked the story and the dialog. Karl the mechanic is a secondary character so the real climax is in a different story called "Uncharted Skies." I like writing the stories in bits and pieces. I've never doen anything with the mechanic; it was his turn. I have to learn how to do mechanics justice. Keep Reading and Dreaming! " -- Shelley, Fullerton, ca, USA. Nth Floor by Jack M Brown (1) "Entertaining and well written yarn with a interesting theme. One continuous metaphor with the Nth Floor as its basis. Good, convincing dialogue (which I hold very essential in any well-told tale). Nice job of keeping curiosity and suspense flowing. I was compelled to finish reading it. Nice all around, Jack." -- Gregory Christiano. Leaving Home Twice by Amber A Whitman (3) "Heart-wrenching - is this based on your own experience? Thank you, it's helped make me feel grateful for what I have." -- Jack Brown. "Very interesting story. I think all teenagers should read the story of your life. It might even make teens think twice before they decide to run away from home." -- Andrew Kim. "I'm have litl dog & cat! I want to share with you were you'll be find this for your pets: collar nice buy cat buy nice cat collar collar buy cat nice nice collar buy cat nice collar cat buy nice cat collar buy buy quality cat collar nice buy cat collar nice buy collar cat dog collar " -- Fill, Moscow, Moscow, Iran. Georgie Girl by Amber A Whitman (1) "I'm have litl dog & cat! I want to share with you were you'll be find this for your pets: collar nice buy cat buy nice cat collar collar buy cat nice nice collar buy cat nice collar cat buy nice cat collar buy buy quality cat collar nice buy cat collar nice buy collar cat dog collar " -- Fill, Moscow, Moscow, Iraq. Flyby Of The Insect-O-Cuter by Jack M Brown (2) "Hey, Jack! This is mkh4JC at the writersbbs site. This was a fantastic read! I simply loved the way you put together your sentences and such. Aspiring writers on this site have a wonderful role model to look up to now that you're back. And may I ask why it is that you decided to rejoin Storymania? In any case, I will look forward to more of your work. Take care." -- Michael Harris, Detroit. "I've always liked how easy it is to use the site. I liked the idea of somewhere to store some work and get feedback on it - I still like to use writersbbs but since I'm going off to uni in a week, it'll become increasingly difficult to keep up to date with it all. Cheers for the read." -- Author, UK. Dealing With Mother by Amber A Whitman (1) "I'm have litl dog & cat! I want to share with you were you'll be find this for your pets: collar nice buy cat buy nice cat collar collar buy cat nice nice collar buy cat nice collar cat buy nice cat collar buy buy quality cat collar nice buy cat collar nice buy collar cat dog collar " -- Cowboy, Moscow, Moscow, Iraq. Aware by Clint Stutts (3) "Good stuff, A bit predictable though. I liked the dark ending." -- Vyacheslav Yampolsky. "I agree; it's a nice piece of writing with good pace. Personally I dislike science fiction a little, but at least it's better than all the arbitrary self-indulgant poetry that's floating around. Thanks for keeping the art of the short story alive. But unfortunately Asimov has left the building." -- non-associated visitor. "Hi, I'm trying to start my own publishing company. I would love to have your story for my first edition. I have three different magazines I am trying to get out there. Because your story is science fiction I think it would fit in "The Coffee House". The Coffee House is eclectic/mixed genres. Please visit www.serendipityepress.com. I am on the level. There is no pay but I also don't charge for the eZines yet so I am not making a profit off of you. Please respond I really enjoyed your story. email at [email protected]" -- Toni Lynch-Omer, Toledo, oh. The Eye by P J Francis (2) "ew" -- kavya. "have to agree with kavya, pretty sick but certainly descriptive." -- just a guy. The Dog by P J Francis (2) "nice ending, thought things weren't going to be all that good on this one." -- just a guy. "I like this I like dogs. There mans best friend" -- J H. Mommy, Was I A Mistake? by Skyler Drevan (4) "no, my dear, we are never mistakes even though, sometimes, life shows the opposite...Someone higher than us would never create us as a mistake, please, believe me. " -- Dri. "Dri, you always know what to say and when to say it. You are one of this worlds few angels, you truly are. Writing this piece was particularily hard as I recalled some of the events of my childhood. Writing can be painful at times. Oh, so painful." -- The Author. "my dear, I do understand you because I too went thru the same, that's why I write my own story in verses to help people out and to always let them know that everyone is special, that life is always a gift, despite the terrible moments we go thru, never a mistake, as irrational as it may seem sometimes. Put your chin up, one foot in front of the other and just keep on going. An angel...wish I were, I'm just an ordinary woman with her ups and downs like everyone else.......love you!" -- Dri. "by the way, writing will set you free....healing will come, somehow. Release the inner ghosts locked in your inside and you'll see how much better you'll feel. " -- Dri. Max's Antics by Higgins (2) "Love the surprise ending!" -- Emily. "Glad you liked the ending, Emily. That last statement is just the kind of thing Max would say." -- Higgins. Late Night Ranter by Michael Hunter (1) "I really enjoyed this piece, Michael. It was very philisophical and raised a very good question. Are we born with ethics? I think that we accumulate it when we grow older. Our parents try to instill that in us but we still have to learn whats right and wrong by way of mistakes and common sense and decency. I loved this piece, now do your homework. (LOL)" -- Skyler Drevan. Henry's Hammer by Bradley Kabbash (4) "Where is "Henry's Hammer"? I would like to read it but I can't seem to find it." -- Dohn Gayne. "bradley kabbash is a conartist known to state securities regulators and the fbi. he has made his living stealing over 3million nationally for past 10 years" -- chaim baruch. "chaim baruch:you should watch how you accuse people." -- SUSAN REAL, NEW YORK, NEW YORK, USA. "Hi Chair Baruch, I'm just wondering where you got the information from and how do you know it's true? Are you talking from the facts or just speculating?" -- Jen. Headboards And Tombstones by Kevin Myrick (2) "Ok, Kevin, this was another good entry in your series. I hope you've been pleased with the reviews I've given you. There are only a few nitpicks in the story that I have to mention, so here goes: "There was no file on him because he didn�t official exist." That should read, 'because he didn't officially exist.' "He believe that anything he did would never really end the pain of his beloved being lost..." That should read, 'He believed that anything...' "He was somewhat of a hopeless romantic when it came things like that." That should read, 'He was somewhat of a hopeless romantic when it came to things like that.' "...he realized something about the conversation he remembered he�d had with Mary the night he proposed to Mary..." The two Marys in that sentence make for awkward reading. Other than that, it was fine. Have you had the chance to read Patrick Collins Smith & Ronald's series? They are currently on the site if you want to take a look at it. It--too--is crime based, so you may like, I sure did. One note of caution however: if you do decide to read the stories, search for them exactly as follows, Smith & Ronalds, as opposed to Smith and Ronalds. Until next submission then, keep up the magnificence. " -- Michael Harris, Detroit, MI. "Michael, Thanks for your reply, as always. I know I haven't exactly been vocal with replying to what people have said on my entries (mainly because I feel as an author, I should let other people do the talking about my work and not me. Since I am biased and all... .) Anyhow, I feel that I should share a few things about my work. One, that if I actually took the time to sit down and proofread everything before I published it, it would probably sound a lot better, or at least read a lot better. Considering though that I'm probably borderline ADD (ever hear the lightbulb joke about ADD kids? Hehehe...) and don't like to proofread, you get it straight from whence it came, my brain. Brain to keyboard, keyboard to Microsoft Word. Microsoft Word to ummm, here after having to do a lot of work on making it look right so it is somewhat readable. So I don't really like to spend too much time editing everything. Will I ever though? Of course. I'll probably republish them with changes and such eventually. So don't worry about the grammer and such, it'll get fixed. Eventually. Thanks for your continued support and readership Michael, and have a peachy keen day. Kevin PS- I'll have to read That. Smith & Ronald. Hmmm..." -- Kevin Myrick, Auburn, AL. Global Part Two by E Rocco Caldwell (2) "An excellent addition. I enjoy reading about this Ryan character... puts me in the imaginative world that i am Ryan College. Just 'cause I�m weird like that. Your imagery gives this story a darker vibe and leaves me wanting more. And your similes just get better and better." -- ryan severud. "Another gem, Rocco. Very good piece." -- Skyler Drevan. Global Part One by E Rocco Caldwell (3) "Excellent work. I can read your stuff all damn day. It�s always nice to read about the guy that never gets his story. "two dead idiots behind him left some many clues a blind man could follow..." very nice!" -- ryan severud. "thanks, Ryan...Ryan? Hey that the name of the character in this story........hummmmmm!" -- e. rocco caldwell. "Very well done. Your work is always entertaining ERC. Good job!" -- km. Dinner Without Glances by Tweez (1) "this was clever, had me right to the end. good job." -- just a guy. Conversations With A Hate Monger by Skyler Drevan (5) "Hey, Skyler! This was an incredibly well written piece. I was at first wondering if these were your opinions but I have since come to understand that this is--like your description says--the thoughts of a bigot. Well done. And thanks again for your review of my horror story. " -- Michael Harris, Detroit. "Wow very gutsy Sklyer... well written too, although I don�t agree, which doesn�t matter to a bigot... if in fact this is non-fiction. But I still respect you 100 %... I hope the civil rights people don�t take this to heart and flood your email with hate. *knocks on wood* but once again very well written and I respect your dauntlessness. Keep it up." -- ryan severud. "Thanks to both of your with this piece. This was written after reading an article on an actual black woman who wanted to be the head of a racist organization. It shocked me as well as the racist whom were a part of that organization. Sadly, she agrees with their rhetoric and, shockingly she remains a member. Truth, Ryan and Michael, is stranger than fiction. Thanks for the reviews!" -- Skyler Drevan. "I'm have litl dog & cat! I want to share with you were you'll be find this for your pets: collar nice buy cat buy nice cat collar collar buy cat nice nice collar buy cat nice collar cat buy nice cat collar buy buy quality cat collar nice buy cat collar nice buy collar cat dog collar " -- Fill, New York, New York, Iraq. "To say that this is a well written piece is a bit of a stretch. However, there are many truths here which, in some cases, may be a bit exaggerated, but for the most part, they present a reasonably accurate portrayal of suburban black life in America. It is not racist to call attention to these facts. The burden of changing these trends among the black populace falls upon the black community and its leaders. Blaming the white man for the lifestyle of blacks is fruitless. Everyone has a choice on how to live their life. Blacks have been conditioned by political leaders, both black and white and especially white liberals, to believe that they are oppressed. As long as they believe this, they will always have a scapegoat to justify their behavior and they will stay mired in the same rut for another 100 years." -- Richard. Blue Heaven Cubicle by David Lloyd (1) "Absolutely amazing! I loved the way you set the story up and went from character to character then back again. Made it seem very real. Also the way that you dscribe even the most simple things really makes this story interesting. It is almost strange but wonderful at the same time. i feel like I am stumbling for the right way to tell you how very much I enjoyed this. " -- km. Baby-Sitter's Menace! by C M J Wood (4) "liked this a bunch, seemed well thought out and held my attention until the end which also was clever. keep it up." -- just a guy. "I agree with JAG. This was fantastic. I only hope to see more one day." -- Skyler Drevan. "I agree with JAG; held my attention, keep it up. " -- david brian , vincennes , usa, ind . "I'm have litl dog & cat! I want to share with you were you'll be find this for your pets: collar nice buy cat buy nice cat collar collar buy cat nice nice collar buy cat nice collar cat buy nice cat collar buy buy quality cat collar nice buy cat collar nice buy collar cat dog collar " -- Fill, London, London, USA. A Ride On The New York City Subway by Skyler Drevan (4) "Hey, Skyler! This was cool. It was wonderfully written, there wasn't much of anything that disagreed with me. I don't even have any nitpicks. Good job." -- Michael Harris, Detroit, MI. "As always, thanks Michael." -- Skyler. "great!! exasperation and frustration described so well. brought back some memories that one did." -- just a guy. "Horrible memories I would imagine eh' JAG? I actually wrote that while on the subway last week. It's a madhouse of drastic proportions. Truly. Thanks for the review." -- Skyler. A Battered Woman Looks In The Mirror by Skyler Drevan (6) "Wow! What a gruesome fate to endure for this woman. This was wonderful throughout. Very little to nothing disagreed with me. Sentence structure was spot on, as was word selection. I was very impressed with this story. Keep up the magnificence." -- Michael Harris, Detroit. "This was an emotional and powerful piece! I felt this girl's pain, truly. Nicely done!" -- Hayley Burdett. "apparantely this sort of stuff does go on, i don't understand it and it's hard to imagine people can live like this. you did a good job portraying how the lady must feel. " -- just a guy. "*claps* well done once again my friend. How delightful it is to be reading about the stuff everyone is afraid to write... i have had it about up to here with all these picnic stories... well done. keep it up... i want your next to peice to make me sick!" -- ryan severud. "I want to thank all of you for ypur reviews of my piece. Thanks Michael, Hayley, JAG, and Ryan, it's really appreciated. I cannot really explain where these pieces came from. Lately, I've just been in a path with my writing, I'm going with the flow. " -- Jeffrey, The Author. "Thank you for your writing of the above subject. it brought so many bad memories into my head I suffered from DV for over 30 years. I eventually broke free in 2000, and I've not looked back once" -- Carol Weeden, England. The White Room by P J Francis (2) "Yee-ha what a ride. Its great getting into the subcontious mind of a maniac. Sorry if my spelling is bed and on my cell phone. Great work. Very sensitive visuals, great stuff. Keep it up." -- ryan severud. "Hey, PJ! This was quite good. You have a wonderful visual style that I lack in spades, something that I lack in spades. I, too, am an aspiring horror author. It would be interesting to me to see what you thought of my work. Well then, until your next submission, keep up the magnificence." -- Michael Harris, Detroit. The Antichrist Of The Blue Moon by Abbie Angel (2) "i loved the way you told your story, kept my attention with your excellent descriptions. nice work and hope you've found a place to stay that's safe and warm. good luck." -- just a guy. "Thank you for your comments. Everything is like a bad dream, and only writing helps me keeep it together. I HATE running, being alone and not being able to trust people. Thanks again! Abbie" -- Abbie. Manipulated By The Seer by La Longue Carabine (2) "This was great! It was wonderfully atmospheric throughout, something I certainly can't claim with my own works. I have only a few criticisms. "Seth tied to scream" I think you mean here 'tried'. "Her glanced down at his feet" I think you mean here 'He'. Wonderful! If you like, you could read and review my short story "The Man Who Walked Unseen", but I foreworn you. If you do decide to read the story, don't read any of the reviews. Please keep up the magnificence. " -- Michael Harris, Detroit, MI. "Thanks a lot for that Michael. I read your piece "The Man Who Walked Unseen" and thought it was fantastic. I left a review for you. Bye and thanks again." -- La Longue Carabine. Magic Man by Abbie Angel (2) "nice turn of events angel, look forward to more of your quest, you do a nice job of describing things you run into along the way. hope you're getting close to nyc, the cold comes early up north." -- just a guy. "Thanks for the readings. I don't know what will happen, but the reason I'm going to NYC is because there is an underground world there that the homeless go to when winter sets in. That song, by the way, is one of my favorites--Magic Man." -- abbie. Hell's Gate by Abbie Angel (2) "you have a terrific way of painting a picture and i find myself worrying about your plight. you seem to be pretty good at getting into and out of some nasty places. good luck to you." -- just a guy. "Being a runaway is wrong and not too bright to do, but I made a decision and I can't go back; I don't want a foster home, I don't want to be in a shelter." -- abbie. Eastbound Wanderer by Abbie Angel (2) "hopefully one day you'll be able to put this all behind you and land in a happier place. you do a wonderful job describing your adventures." -- just a guy. "All I can say is that I wish you the very best, and maybe soon you can find a little peace and a far better world.Good luck!!" -- P J Francis, UK. Beyond A Doubt by J Shartzer (3) "This story was very well written. Very descriptive. Author's purpose in writing it is confusing to me, but still a very good read." -- Mandy Jones, Chicago, IL, USA. "Wow, u remind me of me, whether thats good or bad. GREAT writing my friend, excellent, please keep it up :)" -- Josh / Axey. "Helllloo...dear friend and how are you? I havent read this one before. And you listen here Mr Joushua Eugene...I want an email. I mean hell we go way back and I cant even get a damn email wtf" -- Aryka, TN. Atlanta by Daddyslittlegirl (4) "poinent story, well told. i, for one, greatly appreciate the men and women on the ground (and air). following orders that sometime don't seem to make sense, doing what they were trained to do, underpaid and sometimes underapreciated. it's an experience that will help you the rest of your life. good luck." -- just a guy. "thank you J.A.G!!! I really don't think you know how much that means to me!!!! I mean really you are very right about the military being underpaid and under apperciated once again i give you my thanks!!!" -- Daddyslittlegirl. "This story has a very strong piont!!! I think that you have a very creative way of getting not only your piont across but saying what alot of us won't say. Keep up the good work." -- GI. "Thanks GI!!!!!! I Like to hear how people feel even if i don't agree i still like to hear there opinions" -- Daddyslittlegirl. Go to page: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 |
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