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Short Stories Reviews |
Architects Of Our Own Demise by Harvey Kennett (3) "*****Some of this was weird. But, I guess it was suposed to be like that. I really liked the way you ended this. It was kind of funny.:)" -- d donely. "This story sort of puts us, humans, in the right place, doesn't it? Oh how great we think we are... we couldn't be more sadly mistaken." -- Luis Felipe Moura, Belo Horizonte, MG, Brazil. "Right on the spot there Harvey. Hopefully i will have the time to read all your work." -- Thomas, SWEDEN. Anticipation by Ekaterina Alexandrova (5) "Remarkable imagery (I especially like the "bone white streamers"). But remind me that I shouldn't get you mad at me." -- Glenn DeWeese, Tulsa, OK, USA. ""[A]n orchestra of stars" - beautiful line from a beautifully dark story and a beautifully dark mind, remarkable and unique writing technique - full marks." -- Matt Good, Sydney/London, NSW, Australia/UK. "Bravo ! Poetry in motion ! The vivid imagery of the scene and the dark ambience of the macarbre "feast" is a tour-de-force of creative genius. I look forward to future submissions with baited breath. I read so much in to this, that I could extol it's brilliance for hours, yet time is an old enemy, so all I can say is "Magnifico !"" -- Harvey Kennett, Chelmsford, Essex, United Kingdom. "strong imagery and the flow of a poet. This is as visual as it is wondeful. Excellenct!" -- e. rocco caldwell. "Wonderfully flowing and descriptive. I loved it. Please keep writing, and I will keep reading!!" -- Bernay, Cooranbong, NSW, Cooranbong. Fear Of Water by E Rocco Caldwell (6) "Good story, but needs some editing. A lot of typos in your work. It would read easier if the errors are corrected." -- Molly B. "thanks for the tip. I posted it without checking. I was in a hurry. I did go over the story and mkae corrections." -- e. rocco caldwell. "Rocco...this almost had me gripped to the edge of my seat..but the ending confused me, partly because I wasn't sure who was speaking, and partly because I didn't understand the source of the irrational or rational fear. Constructive critisicm aside, the premise of the story is interesting and horrific, and I feel you have a very good grasp of the macabre. I particularly liked "saliva mingles with the water inside the glass it forms a spider web for a moment". Descriptive and observational ! " -- Harvey Kennett, Chelmsford, Essex, UK. "I agree with you on the ending. It needs to be clearer. Good points." -- e. rocco caldwell. "Very good piece, Rocco. It enthralled me completely." -- Joe Pena. "Aagain thank you for your review. I enjoy writing these types of pieces." -- e. rocco caldwell. Little Things by Shelley J Alongi (2) "Your writing is good, but the story should have conflict and a resolution otherwise this seems more like a slice from a bigger story, a scene so to speak. There needs to be some tension." -- Brenda, Eclectic, Al, USA. "Brenda and readers you've hit the nail on the head! I don't write conflict. There's enough of that in the world around us and I go against the standard marketing ploy. If you want to read conflict go buy a best seller written by an author writing for money rather than pleasure. Some of my work has conflict; this doesn't. And you're right about something else: this is part of a larger story; if you notice it says aviation story number 5 or something like that. I write what I want to and don't like to write what others tell me to write because I'm the one who is writing. I write some of my best writing when I can't pay the rent and life is hard. I don't want to make it hard for my characters, too. If you want conflict, don't read my work. Thanks for the review, though. You're one of the few who actually stop to review it." -- Shelley, Fullerton, ca, USA. Unanswered Letters by Skyler Drevan (2) "I was curious as to why no-one had informed him his wife had died in the first place?" -- ruadh. "I guess that is question that has no answer. Thanks for the comment!" -- Skyler, The Author. They Always Come Back by Paolo Debernardi (2) "I like your work, but it's a little awkward as in this lien: "Yes, of course, come in" , I gestured. Gesture implies hand movements, do you mean I said instead of I gestured? Gesture is kind of used in English to imply dramatic movements or simple ones. ButI like the idea. Good luck. " -- Shelley, Fullerton, Ca, USA. "i have to say that this story of yours was written in very basic english. there was no depth in what you wrote, and the sentences you constructed were similar to that of children's books. Not that my opinion may count for something in your eyes, but i sincerely have to say that your plot was kinda boring and i dont know why, but your story title reminds me of a short story called "sometimes they come back" by stephen king." -- Rich, usa. The More You Wish... by BransonA (1) "Interesting." -- Tender. The Literal Day by G David Schwartz (1) "My head hurts after reading this one, but it makes you want to think a bit more carefully before you speak." -- Becci Yadron, Lansing, Illinois, USA. The Horrid Tale Of Evil Worm by Xoggoth (1) "Like-WOW." -- Zargoth. The Fine Art Of Nitzing by Kathy Lafollett (1) "Outstanding & humourous piece, enjoy very much!" -- Robert. The Deetahgle by NeedhamT (1) "Great idea. I like what you named it, the Deetahgle" -- Steven. The Blue Insomnia by CalbayR (1) "Great story" -- Blink. Success by Skyler Drevan (2) "incredible. great job skyler" -- jerry. "qdrib cdrxwon bpkocvaux wsfhe aolgen hvmgrztk wqlbvnd" -- fwjsvlikm cszm, abmhs, CA, USA. Soup by Xoggoth (2) "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..." -- Karen. "Ehmm..m. Sehr gut Seite! Ich sage innig..!:) bmw" -- BMW, ..., ..., .... Some Body by Harvey Kennett (2) "i don't understand" -- katy, canada. "Katy....it's a love story...but the lover's are not human....they are germs." -- Harvey Kennett, Chelmsford, Essex, UK. Sex Life Of The Amoeba by Xoggoth (1) "This was excellent! Great job..." -- KM. Go Away! by Skyler Drevan (2) "Not sure about the text formatting, but I liked the story. Short, simple and with a good ending based on an misunderstanding. Congratz !" -- Harvey Kennett, Danbury, Essex, UK. "Wow! What ad interesting and fun story to read with a very twisted and surprise ending! Very creative and well thought out. =)" -- anna, des plaines, IL, USA. Disturbing Gift by Skyler Drevan (1) "Wow! There lies a morality issue here doesn't it! I mean abortion berses pro-life! What would have been better for this child? This is a brain twister in itself! " -- e. rocco caldwell. Devoted Husband And Father by Skyler Drevan (1) "Wow! Nice one, didn't see that coming. " -- Buxton. The Wild Flee by Rae (1) "Wow...a very intense read, indeed! You have captured chaos quite well!~Laura" -- Laura, Lindsborg, Kansas, USA. The Hunter And It's Prey by E Rocco Caldwell (1) ""It's" (in the title) is a conjuction meaning "it is", thus your title reads "The Hunter And It is Prey", I think you mean the "The Hunter And Its Prey" ... it was an o.k. story" -- Thomas Straw. The Hunger by David B Doc Byron (3) "Doc, a departure from your norm. Not quite sure what to think of it. It's not bad though, just different. : )" -- Molly B. "hmmm!I think i get it ,its just the sort of thing i like,many meanings and dimensions,nice." -- Stuart Eric Longridge, Belfast, N Ireland. "Doc... I haven't read anything of your's in awhile and I was extremely pleased to review this piece. I assume to you are pissed off at your physical wearing out and being out of control, but you aren't... You will always have your eternal, throbbing, beating imagination here..." -- D. G. Williford. The First Cut Was The Last by Harvey Kennett (3) "Well written interesting piece of Flash fiction here! Enjoyed the descriptive passages and ironic the twist in the end. Good write Harvey! " -- Monte. "Very descriptive with great imagery...I like Monte enjoyed the ending" -- mattie. "Very good writing! From the vivid description to the story flows into an unexpecting ending, this is truly a masterpiece!" -- Luis Felipe Moura, Belo Horizonte, MG, Brazil. Still Unsolved by Richard Koss (4) "Very good. I liked the twist at the end. I wasn't expecting it, even though there was some foreshadowing with the refrence to death leading man to violence. Why is it called Still Unsolved though? By the end of the story you know who killed the woman. If it's still unsolved, I'll call Robert Stack." -- Steven. "Only the reader knows the truth. To the rest of the world, the case is still unsolved." -- Richard. "Robert Stack is dead." -- Mary. "fun" -- Anns. Nobody Heard Me by Harvey Kennett (4) "Were you a ghost?" -- mattie. "The story was good, but the end looked a lot like the movie '6th sense'..." -- Luis Felipe Moura, Belo Horizonte, MG, Brazil. "one of the few really short short-stories read recently which had an impact. keep up the good work." -- ashish, singapore. "Interesting read, but the ending was sort of senseless." -- Forrest. Moonlight Enchantress Part Ii by Martini (1) "*****Good job. I can't wait to see what psychotic things happen next. That is, if anyone decides to continue." -- d donely. Moonlight Enchantress Part 4 by D Donely (1) "Okay.....now, I THINK I get this........ ...BUT....is this like a CHAIN LETTER?!!!" -- david doc byron. Hindsight by Johnny Moore (4) "The Description begins interestingly enough, but I question how routine it is to be investigating a mysterious signal coming from a mysterious ship. It doesn't sound very routine to me, but I'll need to read the story first to see if these investigators do this kind of thing every second Tuesday. Be back in ten." -- J St. George. "Beware of fragments, such as this odd sentence �Several seconds snail by.� I know what you mean "Several seconds passed by slowly," but I only know that through experience, other readers may not be so lucky." -- J. St. George. "This story seemed boring to me. I really didn't get into it. I don't think tracking a distress signal is really intesresting, but it could've been if youd've made it longer. The problem was you threw me right into the story and then you ended it too quickly. But this is your first story, so people can't judge you too harshly" -- Steven. "Sounds Star-Treky to me. Kept looking for my friends Spock and the "captain" to pop in. I disagree about the fragment. I understood the snail analogy right off and thought it was very picturesque." -- Stephanie Mckinney. Gunning Down Romance by Emma Roberts (1) "In my opinion, You're a great writer already. Keep it up, and you'll go far someday." -- david doc byron . Devastation by Buxton (2) "wow., this is the sort of stuff you should write, am itching for more, what has happened, what happens next:??????" -- louisa, aberdeen. "This is a brillaint I stopped half way through, I liked the section where the character (in my eyes) goes from a sense of sanity to the opposite? Its also quite inspirational as I've been writing a song about the end of the world and all the events that might happen. Good stuff. " -- Dave Sutton. Dead Letter Office - A Serial Short Story by David B Doc Byron (1) "What the hell?" -- Elmo's Hoes. Cryosleep by David B Doc Byron (1) "Freaky!" -- Butterfly. Chicago Cutlery by Kathy Lafollett (1) "Love it! i liek to cok and I'm pretty safe, I work with the Pampered Chef helping people not cut themselves in the kitchen this was great; be careful with those things!" -- Shelley, Fullerton, Ca, USA. Cassius-The-Leg by Buxton (2) "Laughed my ass off." -- Deek. "Dude, WHat? This was interesting! Keep writing" -- e. rocco caldwell. Can You Trust Us Strangers ? by Harvey Kennett (2) "Whoa! That reminds me a lot of George Orwell's 1983! Scariest part is that it's totally feasible!" -- Luis Felipe Moura, Belo Horizonte, MG, Brazil. "Well, since I live about a mile from the NEC, this creeped me the fuck out. How many fingers am I holding up?" -- Ryan. Biding Its Time by Harvey Kennett (1) "Scary! This one would make a good plot for a Horror movie!" -- Luis Felipe Moura, Belo Horizonte, MG, Brazil. A Trip To The Dentists' by Mulan (6) "powerful story...hope its fiction. I wouldnt catagorize it as a comedy though...more a tragedy :(" -- michelle. "Well, it is fiction. I meant it to be comedy...didn't realise it could be sad...:(" -- Mulan. "I didn't think this was sad, some parts were funny. I don't think a dentist can really betray you." -- Steven. "I don't mean to offend any one! Dentists, I mean. I was quite bored and thought of writing something funny...the truth of the matter is, I have never ever been to the Dentists'" -- Mulan. "actually when i was little a dentist slapped me on the leg for crying when it hurt...i kid u not! my mom just about went nuts lol...but now like 25 years later I still remember it...but my dentist is great so it didnt hurt me forever :)" -- michelle. "I meant, my dentist NOW, is great...not the same one i had then lol" -- michelle. A Sense Of Timing by E Rocco Caldwell (8) "***** I can't think of anything to say except that this was good." -- d donely. "thank you" -- e. rocco caldwell. "Touching...I wondered if something like this happens in this day and age and can only surmise that whether you are black, white, yellow or purple, it probably does. Although I saw the story as a white/black thing, it made me think deeper about the injustice and intolerance of the affair. I guess we are all somebody else's strangers and prejudice. Thank you for your story.." -- Harvey Kennett, Chelmsford, Essex, United Kingdom. "thank you for your review, Harvey" -- e. rocco caldwell. "This was really powerful. I have heard of this sort of thing happening all the time. But the very simple way you told it made it have more impact. " -- Susan Cogan. "Thank you, Susan, for the time to read it and give me a review." -- e. rocco caldwell. "I could feel the man's frustration and anger. Very sad, but very good." -- Josh Shartzer. "thank you for you kind review" -- r. rocco caldwell. Ejaculating Jesus by Sean Scully (3) " Its a very intersting story. I like the imagery. " -- Claudine Cormier, Moncton, NB, Canada. "A very well written short story with a great plot twist at the end. Title can be construed as offensive, but then again I doubt your target audience would be a Christian publication so if it works go for it. All in all fine work-Leonardo Varasano " -- Leonardo Varasano. "The short story gave me a erection. I guess what I am trying to say is the story had great imagery." -- Lloyd Shooter, Colorado Springs, Colorado, America. What You Deserve by Hope C Clarke (3) "how could this a short story?" -- shawn. "You got a writer here who isnt what you call a fan of this particular genre, but you kept me reading with a good display of words. honestly, it ended abruptly. There was no time to convey feeling in the last portion of your story, or in other words, you used too much dialouge and not enough description. Make that description of each other's feelings, or include a few metaphors, maybe. But that's all i have to say about the last part. I was feeling a little tense for a moral dilemma when i heard the phrase, "i think i'm having a stroke," because honestly, i was anticipating him to actually GET a stroke... not react to the drug his feindish wife was placing in his food. To me, she could have never put a drug in his food and i wouldnt have been dissapointed. I would have enjoyed an ending that mixes love and hate...seems kinda catchy, no? But its like i said, im not a fan of this genre, so maybe im a little demanding of upbeat storylines. A good message, nonetheless, i think... So anyway, keep it up, and it's like i said, some of the way you used words were pretty damn good." -- Harry. "Great story, great characters - good work!" -- Jim Roxenbergs. Two Lives by Theresa (3) "wow! that was great! " -- shawn. "It was very touching! Brilliant piece!" -- Mulan. "In times when family becomes less and less important in the eyes of our egotistical society, it is wonderful to see how someone cares so much about their relatives to immortalize them into such beautiful words. I felt as if I were a spectator to every moment in their lives. Brilliant!" -- Luis Felipe Moura, Belo Horizonte, MG, Brazil. The World Can Be A Dangerous Place by Vyacheslav Yampolsky (4) "just a question for you, how come this one was listed under "Comedy"?!?" -- Nikki, BC, Canada. "I thought it was pretty good. The transitions were in the right places. Nice job." -- R. Bennett Okerstrom. "Thanks for your reviews. As for the story being listed under comedy, I still find it funny, then again I have a weird sence of humor." -- Vyacheslav Yampolsky. "It's different from anything I've ever read before. I like it!" -- Clint Stutts. The Rescue by Justin B William Justice (2) "i'm confused" -- harry. "Perhaps a little background information would be in order..." -- Josh Shartzer. The Last Exam by Jack Arnold (4) "if you want a review, i'd say delightfully enjoyable. If we were knew each other, i'd say, "yeah, that's about how i feel on final exam day." my favorite part was the resuce scene with your girl Dana. Freakin incredible. If you write another peice, do it on the drudgery of school. I can never run out of people to relate to. Nice." -- Harry Gillen. "i didn't notice you were 29" -- Harry. "Thanks for your kind words Harry. Eventhough I have been out of school sometime now I always find it comfortable in the so-called school environment." -- Jack Arnold. "I liked this a lot, due to the way its written... to say it basically. I especially liked the description- "...ensured they were having a closer inspection of the council?s recent upgrade of the road surface." Good job, I think you ensured that I'll probably find my mind wondering in a similar way with my final exam..." -- Miles Tugman. The Fight by Skyler Drevan (6) "Bravo!I can identify with the protagonist - mission fulfilled." -- jim roxenberg. "more of an opinionated recollection of both your tempers than a short story, and i personally disagree with your final motives of scalding the poor man in the jacuzzi. apparently the word "divorce" never crossed your mind when you were in the emergency room after one of your so-put many fights." -- harry. "Apart from the fact, that the three main elements of a short story (beginning, middle, end) are provided, it is obvious, that the writer has pointed right from the start with an arrow towards the end (in medias res). Two characters with their specific personality traits, a few meaningful props, no dead freight, a climax and even a touch of philosophical message as a finishing sentence - one must be blind, not to recognize a short story. It is the writers' choice to exclude divorce as an option, as it is also the writers' choice to let his 'usually normal' charcters do something out of character in a given situation - even perfectly normal people tend to overreact or do something extremely dramatic, when passion, emotion, anger and loss of control (just to mention a few factors) meet at the right time. By the way: I had the impression, that the story was based on a true story. Anyways...the way it was presented, it could have been also plausible fiction. Skyler Drevan has convinced me with logic and believable storytelling. Good Luck, Skyler!" -- Jim Roxenberg. "I must be blind? you think i could write an article on a football season and call it a short story? hey, as long as introduce characters and give a climax and a resolution it'd be a short story wouldn't it? no, you dumb idiot, it might as well be a short story but essentially a history lesson on the football season. Say I throw a few morals in there about trying your hardest or overcoming adversity, then exclude numbers and change names and give a precise, overall message? That's the underlying difference, and it's exactly what this Skyler Drevan has decided to do with his own story: he told of a night he got in a fight with his husband and tore off his skin with boiling water because he was a drunk asshole who shot apart his beloved piano. Look again and let me know if you see any sort of underlying message about humans and their so called "extremely dramatic overreactions" when "drama passion emotion and loss of control" take over. It's not there. I know plenty of people who wouldn't do such a thing to a human life, and believe me, it's actually the norm, yet Skyler writes like it's the action we must all take. Please. And don't get all touchy with me again, because I'm simply speaking out against a true story that should've landed this writer in jail. And you know what? If he'd have divorced that moron in the first place he'd still have his piano, wouldn't he?" -- harry. "I had no idea that this piece of writing, whatever you may call it, could cause such a argument. Let's just say that this is based on actual events as told to me by one of my best friends. Whether or not I should be in jail really has nothing to do with the story. I never said that this was a story based on me. Harry, lighten up and move to another page. Believe me, you (whether you like me or not) will not make or break me. I already have gone further in writing than I ever thought possible. To Harry, get a life, to Mr. Roxenberg, thank you for your support and defense but please do not feel the need to respond to Harry any longer. Any future comments from him will be deleted." -- Skyler Drevan, the author. "I certainly had no intentions to respond to such a comment, Skyler. I guess harry speaks for himself, LOL!" -- jim roxenberg. Sheela by David B Doc Byron (1) "This is a beautiful story Doc...I wish it were longer with more explaination and substance however. Its too good to end so quickly..." -- Michelle. Saturday Night by Wolfa (2) "Good work. Reknowned and respected author JN St. George said you were someone to watch for." -- iconoclast, Detroit, michigan. "Thank you!" -- Wolfa. Paranoia by David B Doc Byron (1) "wow, Wow, WOW!!!!!!!!! Excellent!! Keep 'em coming, Doc." -- Michelle. Oh Shit (Pt 2) by D Donely (2) "Where is it?" -- Harry. "interesting" -- katie, Middlebury, Indiana, united states. Nuclear Fire Turkeys by Benjamin Ian Osborne (1) "This story is very interesting for me, I hope that yours readings are thinking the same." -- Mac, Mexico. Magic by David B Doc Byron (3) "Doc, You've done it again!! That gave me goose bumps for real!! It is excellent!!!" -- Michelle. "Whoah. Strange, but enjoyable. You should be a writer for the Twilight Zone or something. Seriously!" -- Tessa. "True Horror is reading or seeing something that you could never envision happening. Over and over again Doc seems to find a way to do it. He brings chilling creepiness into something as innocent as a magic show... BRAVO " -- D. G. Williford. I'm Coming For You by David B Doc Byron (1) "*not sure what to say*" -- Michelle. Father Love by Arthuro (2) "Interesting story, Arthur. It's almost like taking the Joy Luck Club sentiments and taking them to their most extremes. I'm not sure about the formatting, it makes it look like a poem when it presumably isn't. Apart from that it's good, simple yet effective :)" -- S J Fletcher. "Hello SJ Fletcher, Maybe I just invented a new genre, PROEMS, prose in a poem format :-) For the moment, the emotion in an effective way is what I am looking for. I try not to be boring. The story has to hit the reader. Thanks for your nice comment! Greets ,Arthuro from Holland " -- Arthuro, Lelystad, Holland. Dreamfix Part Two by David B Doc Byron (1) "I can't locate the story" -- e. rocco caldwell. Dreamfix - Part One by David B Doc Byron (3) "Doc, I didn't like this but I will tell you it's not because of your skill as a writer. The descriptions are marvelous. It's just a matter of taste. Strange, dude! " -- e. rocco caldwell. "I am always intrigued by your work. So imaginatively... different. " -- Tessa. "ditto to what tessa said. on to part 2." -- sunny, dc, usa. Dreamfix - I'm Closing The Story. by David B Doc Byron (4) "Sorry I havent reviewed this...boooo on me. I'll do better...lol. Actually I think the whole reviewing thing is going down. It was so much better when Judith and RBO were here. Oh well! :(" -- Michelle. "There are a lot of works out there to read, Doc. I did read your first installment and thought it was written well just not my cup of tea. This was one of the reason I didn't read the other installments. I agree Richard can be critical but isn't that what makes the world go round? " -- e. rocco caldwell. "Doc... you keep writing... I'll keep reading... You continue to inspire my creative juices. Bravo! " -- D. G. Williford. "Doc, I've been busy at work and haven't had time to read anything lately. I would like you to continue with Dreamfix. I read the first three installments. And, like E. Rocco Caldwell, it's not my cup of tea, but it is well written and very descriptive. Not something I would read if I were checking into books at the library or bookstore. If you post more installments I will read them. " -- Molly B. Divine Domain by Harvey Kennett (1) "Brilliant!" -- Luis Felipe Moura, Belo Horizonte, MG, Brazil. Brimstone by David B Doc Byron (1) "Very interesting Doc!" -- Molly B. Voodoo Moon by David B Doc Byron (3) "Doc, I swear you write some wicked stuff. There has to be more to this one though. I got all into it then it ended. ahhhhhhhh!! More, more, more!!!!" -- Michelle. "Doc... Still writing things that continue to amaze me... Excellent. This horrified me at first since I lost a baby, but then I saw where you were going and I loved it! I'm with Michelle... You should keep going on this one... " -- D. G. Williford. "I agree with the rest...plez rite more!!! it is so good!!! god i love your stories!! Great Job!!!! Bravo!!!.....MORE MORE MORE!!!!lol!!!" -- Sarah. The Thing On The Ice by Paula Poland (1) "This is an interesting story. It's weird and silly but there's something going for it. I used to write stuff like this a while back- blatant satire with very little subtlety. It embarrasses me now but this particular piece is done so tongue-in-cheek that it's not so bad. You've clearly got an interesting sense of humour and it'd be a shame to waste that. I'm not sure I can say how this story could be made better, I think it's about as good as it can get, but I definitely think you should keep writing, and more like this. " -- S J Fletcher. The Lake, My Mom, And The Sears Dressing Room by Ariana Linkletter (3) "this is great, you're an excellent writer! i love the part that talks about kids not being able to look at their mother's feet... made me laugh - how right you are!" -- rae. "You have real talent. Your dialogue moves well, and you have a good feel for prose rhythms. You also have a good writer's ability to find the one item in a scene that describes the scene as well as how you feel (or want the reader to feel) about it. "past our neighbor's persimmon tree", for example. You could have said a lot more, but you didn't need to. Good job. The only criticism might be of a couple of sentences that are a little awkward. "The building of the house itself was most of our time spent", for example. All in all, good work. I'm impressed." -- Glenn DeWeese, Tulsa, OK. "Bravo! Fear of failure conquered, she is published. You forgot about knocking the boat prior to turning it over to chase away the snakes who liked the cool shade underneath but good writing, nonetheless. (You can swaing a hammer? Ha!) Keep on Truckin' Shell " -- Bro #1, Alton, Il. The Immortality Thief by David B Doc Byron (4) "I liked the beginning but thought the plot thinned a little at the conclusion. It held my interests though" -- e. rocco caldwell. "Doc... I was enthralled from beginning to end. Love your imagination. You take an old or modern day tale and spin your own yarn... I like twists and turns... BRAVO" -- D. G. Williford. "This was quite clever, didn't see the end until the end. Good job." -- Just A Guy. "this story made my heart give a jump. Interesting and well done twist. " -- a girl . The Death Of A Gecko by Sean Scully (2) "Does this story have a point? I can't say it does. I think it would work better as a comic poem than as a short story; it's too short to be labelled a 'story' of any description. The fact is, as it is at the moment, it's too unusual to be serious but too serious to be amusing. If you developed it into a short, rhyming verse with the content the same I can see this working for a giggle." -- S J Fletcher. "Very interesting. I can't really see a point, but interesting none the less. " -- Josh Shartzer, Beaver Dam, Kentucky, USA. The Breakfast Club by Glenn G Deweese (3) "This author has captured a part of the daily ritual in the life of a police officer and was able to skillfully translate such actions in writing. His character (Skull) descriptors project an instant picture in the reader's mind, along with other details dotted throughout, ie "sleepy eyes." It also brings home the fact that even police officers have average days, the same-ol' same-ol', regardless of whether or not it is filled with the tragedy of a young life taken by one's own hand, or in an office environment and the system crashes ... just another day in the life ....... It is comforting to know law enforcement is around, day after day, mostly invisible until an event brings one into your life." -- Cindy James. "Addendum: "The Breakfast Club" is tightly written, clipped almost; however, the author has done an excellent job of storytelling. I find a correlation between the tightly-knit written style and the fact that G212 is never described, as such, but still we know quite a bit about him due to this minimalist writing. Would like to see more from this author." -- Cindy James. "This is a smoothly crafted story that gives one the sense of drudgery that any job, done for a long time, can bring about. Much like the soldier, police officers tend to see some of the most creavious actions of people and still the sameness of it wears the grizzle of off the senes. I also liked the attention to detail that the author shows. Keep writing-I think your good at it." -- Al Davis. My Big Sister And The Fly by Ariana Linkletter (3) "I LOVED THE STORY! I think your writing is spectacular. I have tears in my eyes from laughing and I even think I snorted. I love you!" -- Mary. "Interesting. Are you sure your sister wasn't pulling your leg?" -- Steven. "I thought I knew these two jokers pretty well but this story really gives new insight into Mary's subtly twisted side. Great writing Shelly, excellent short story technique demonstrated. Love - P... " -- Bro #1, Alton. Miss Lavinia's Portrait by Laura Mae Oldham-Brownell (2) "mm. i love art :) i like this, good work." -- rae. "Too many big words...this story bites!" -- Tina Walters, Linwood, KS, USA. Miles J. Jax, An Early Day In The Life by Branson Storm (5) "Obscurity very well written. Miles is a strange fellow but something makes me want the best for him. I'd definitely read on. " -- Julian, Monahans, TX, USA. "You fucking suck. Please quite pasting your gargabe on our virtual walls. Your work is senseless and pointless. Just some advice - quit while your ahead. -Wayne" -- Jon Wayne, Hammond, LA, USA. " He barked from behind the open door of his shinny ***Correct as is, but you can always drop one of the �n�s and save a letter.*** black Range Rover.� I�d just whip out Bret and head for the trouble. It was just one of those ways I liked to entertain myself, making grown men scramble like chickens from an axe at the possibility of them being touched by my penis. ***Hmmm reminds me of a guy I know.***He was headed straight for the carwash, ***;*** I�d a bet my life on it. She was pale white and obese, her cheeks red with exhaustion. �How �boutcha ***dialectal word***, Darlene?� � a detachable floating koozie ***???*** The first time I met Pop, a soft-spoken, hard-weathered shrimper of forty-five years at sea, just smiled at me the first time I �how bouted ***dialectal word*** � him; not a tooth in sight nor an ounce of embarrassment about expressing the fact. When the grass lost its salvation capacity to the overwhelming numbers of skeeters, I resorted to covering my sunburnt ***sunburned*** skin with the thick mud of the cut. �I don�t want to be the cause of no man not listening to his creator, whether that man wanna ***Dialectal word*** listen or not. " -- JA St. George. "Great visuals, Branson. Other than a few typos it reads well and I find Miles to be a very intriguing character." -- Doyle Hargraves . "You have a brilliant way with words. Very interesting story and main character. Very interested as to his outcome. Good luck with the novel!" -- John C, Houston, TX. Kaleidoscope Maker by T Bianafka (1) "This is a good attempt, however the story drifts off at certain places, characters need to be developed further and think about focus.-otherwise a good read and keep writing" -- Ekaterina. Chemo Pastry Party by Branson Storm (1) "This doesn't make sense to me!" -- Martin, Seattle. Cannibals by David B Doc Byron (1) "this was interesting...well written, a bit scary though...you have a weird imagination Doc. This isn't the kind of thing that would ever even enter my mind. Good thing for people like you or there would be no scary movies, huh? " -- Michelle. The Cozy Rest Motel by Paula Poland (7) "I really liked this but i'm not sure if i'm disappointed at the ending, i'm not the best at abstract thinking." -- Just A Guy. "Very visual. Vividly visual! =) I got goosebumps when the woman finds the postcard at the end. I knew what it would hold. Well done!" -- Michael. "I could close my eyes and picture this story from beginning to end. Gramatically flawless!" -- Lucille. "Like JustAGuy, I'm not sure I liked the end. Nothing personal against your story. It's kind of like at the end of a really good movie, when you want to end one way and it ends another. Does that make sense? Anyway, I think I wanted the woman to somehow become a part of that lost world, unable to return to the present. But again, nothing against your words. It was very good, grammar was tight, the time period apparently well researched. When's the next one???" -- Sam. "Was it hard to write in this style? I've tried to pull this off before with my works sounding only confusing. Whatever you did, it seems to have worked. Trippy." -- Camille. "Good story--concise, mesmerizing and lets the reader fill in some enigmas. Keep it up!" -- Drakeman Kincaid, Sterling, Ohio, USA. "Haven't been here in awhile. Just want to say thanks for all the nice reviews. I can only crank one like this out about once a year, and yes Camille, it was difficult to write in this style. I edited it many times before I was happy with the result. This story really was inspired by an old motel we drove by while on our way to St. Louis in 2002. The location is approximate. I really was drawn to the place and wished we'd had time to stop (not to mention, my husband thought I was nuts! :)). I don't know if it's there still. I'd like to think so. Thanks again, and hopefully I'll get another creative smack upside the head soon! ...Paula" -- Paula. Smash Hit! by Z Miah (4) "Shittiest story I've ever read. Bad story, even worse ending. You should be ashamed of yourself. If I were you I'd just drive my piece o shit pinto (which would be all that I could afford in your position, having no education and still living in my parents besement at the age of 44.) and drive it off a cliff. preferably into sharp rocks (to make my death more intelligent than my life, again I am speaking of you.). Go fuck yourself Dickhead." -- FU, Baghdad, IRAQ, IRAQ. "One word for this story "hilarious" I enjoyed reading this story because it is different and cleverly written." -- Simon Hill, Manchester, UK. "Hmmm interesting. I did fail to see the humor in this piece " -- mattie. "i don't get it..... :\" -- me. Robertson County by Falconcraft (1) "Famous brand cigarettes with delivery around the world! Marlboro $13.95 Camel $13.95 WEST $12.95 BOND $12.95 Davidoff $19.95 Magna $12.95 www.mcity4.com www.mcity4.com www.mcity4.com On-line cigarette shop ! " -- mcity4. Braided Belt From Hell by D G Williford (1) "this was a funny read - something about those dreams that just don't get finished - always the best ones huh?" -- Just A Guy. Go to page: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 |
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