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Immaculata by David Gardiner (5)
"David this is one of the best short stories I've read in a long time. If I was summing this up in one word, only one would do 'Professional'. I'd love to be able to write with such an understated confidence. This is sort of Munchehousen's (please excuse my spelling) by proxy-by divine provocation. There's nothing like a good old bit of religious mania to losen the mental screws. I loved the "Aul Maid of thirty" Line (Godhelpus!)and "A little Tea" how very trite and 'Bishoply' He'd hardly offer "A bloody great mug full of Tea" your dialogue throughout is excellent. I have several favourite writers on various sites dotted around, now I've got another to add to my list of writers to aspire to. " -- Sooz, Dalton, England, Cumbria.
"Fascinating story, excellently written. Of Grammar or punctuation problems, I could find none! The only slight difficulty I had was in the flashbacks; I don't think it was particularly clear that the scene in the doctor's surgery and the two in Imelda's bedroom were happening *before* the meeting at the Bishop's Palace. Maybe the first sentence of each could be written in the...oh crumbs, past perfect tense, is that right? Eg. "Imelda *had* timidly entered the doctor's surgery..." That's very clumsy, but you get the idea. Anyway, that's a very minor point about what is a *extremely* well-written story. The narrative flowed smoothly and the dialogue was crisp and believable. One quick tip I've learned through doing it the *wrong* way: when writing speech in an accent, don't overdo it. Makes it difficult to decipher. I think you're *just* on the right side of the line here :) Thanks for posting, I enjoyed that :) " -- Simon King, Ilkeston, United Kingdom, Derbys.
"No point in letting the British take up all the review space, so I think I'll comment. Mr. Gardiner you are indeed one of the finest writers on this sight, just as I said with your story "The Go-Between" and I can't help think of other great works such as "Angela's Ashes" when I read your work. - The Advisor" -- JA St.George.
"Loved this story. It is really well written - a pleasure to read from the first sentence, the heavy Churchy atmosphere is brilliantly well maintained, my heart goes out to the young girl, and the ending is gross and unforgettable and extremely thought-provoking. The Jones Towns make the news but how many more small scale and personal atrocities are committed in the name of religion? Religion works by appealing to the non-rational, and when the non-rational takes over this is exactly the kind of place to which it leads. I think the term the first reviewer was looking for is Muchausen's Syndrome by Proxy. And this story provides a superb text book account of it." -- Krist, Paderborn, Germany.
"Really rocks! Could have kicked myself cause I din't guess the ending. Great story." -- Leonard Caville, Key West, Fl.


Fistful Love by Muhammad Asif Hanif (4)
"It seems like a true happening to the writer" -- Faisal Ahmed, Karachi, sind, Pakistan.
"It proves "Rishtay AAsmanoon Per Bante Hain".Only God knows what is going to happen.Try to accept the reality." -- Kamran Waheed, Karachi, Sind, Pakistan.


A Dragon Is To Eat, Not Just For Christmas by Rowan Davies (5)
"Funny. In a stupid kind of way." -- Alison.
"..." -- Wolfa.
"v funny, and it holds a valuable lesson to us all" -- Kris.
"hmm, quite" -- Jack.
"What imagation you have" -- J.


Casa Cantina De Loco by Branson Storm (3)
"stange, but interesting and well written." -- douglas b., NYC, USA.
"I think Douglas meant "Strange", but I found it grounded in a 'real life' way. Very intriguing dialogue, set aside as if it is its own piece. I do agree with Douglas, this is well written. Your endings tend to leave a reader on his own, this part of your work I enjoy the most! When a reader is left to ponder, you have involved him/her in your work; this is a key element of great writing. " -- Dan Glavine, L.A., CA, USA.
"I agree with Dan, Branson. I sort of got sucked in then left to ponder certain things in my own life as I thought of Marshall and his state of mind in the end. I like your work very much! There's also a Southern undertone to your stories that I can relate to and sense (I'm just guessing here) that non-Southerners are easily able to climb into our climate and society. Does that make sense? I hope so. Anyway, nice work! " -- Sandra, Baton Rouge, LA, USA.


The Only Dream I Have Ever Won by Branson Storm (4)
"It was strange for Miles to finally come to the realization that he had, in a way, committed suicide. First it was something that he ate or a virus that he just couldn�t get rid of, but he *1 new that after years of battling unrelenting bloody bouts with his guts, the diagnosis would not be good. �You�re dying from cancer.� He said this to his reflection in the mirror just before climbing into bed. Miles knew that all his past procrastination and intentional ignorance had done was expedite his impending death. He had allowed more spreading time for the tumors, and spread they did, like mushrooms after a late fall rain shower. He never wanted to believe it was possible, but now he had to. They had finally proven it to him with their questions, x-rays, blood tests and 5-foot cameras probing each end. �I�m dying.� He said as he lay back in bed. �I�ve always known that from the day I was born, that I was dying. *2 But dying normally. *3 Ageing to death, if You will.� Miles took a drag from a small pipe filled with hydro. He shut off the light, the television and expelled a huge plume of smoke into the moonlit air. �Okay, God, I�m being pulled out early and if that�s my fault or Your calling or both, I humbly ask for just a bit more time. It�s important that I see someone before I go. So please, if You would, move me back a few spots in line.� Miles had always prayed, but rarely aloud. This time was different. He really didn�t even consider what he said a prayer at all. It was a direct request. He acknowledged the happiness he felt knowing that tonight he did not pray, but instead asked something specific of God in undivided selfishness. To Miles, this was something one should never do, especially if one offers to do something to God�s pleasing after God has fulfilled His end of the bargain. He considered this type of transaction to be beyond the realm of God, even insulting, yet it was a perfect deal to make with the Devil. Do this for me now and afterwards I�ll do such and such for you. Miles knew selfishness was not part of God�s vocabulary. But Miles accepted that his clock was ticking. All he asked for was a few more ticks. The truth in his rationale made him comfortable and quickly he drifted off to sleep. It was 5:30 AM, Miles was outside waiting for the sun to come creeping over Paisano Peak and thaw out the chilly morning, spilling its hopeful light all over the vast, mountainous beauty of West Texas. Normally he was at ease in the morning, *4 or hung over or just sick, but this morning was different; Miles couldn�t stand still, as if he where late jumping a ride on Pop�s boat to spend another day catching redfish. He walked about kicking up rocks *5 out of the dirt and repeatedly checking east to see how much color had gathered the starlit sky. It was just anxiety. He was eager to write about the dream he had last night just after being so egotistical *6 with God. So he kept thinking of it, remembering every detail he possibly could, still checking the eastern skyline. He stayed because nothing he could ever write could be more beautiful than a Texas sunrise. As the sun broke Paisano Peak he watched the black night fade away, taking with it all the stars, but still leaving behind the moon. A brilliant orange glow *7 filed the world and the sky was as blue as the deepest ocean. Suddenly he was standing still, completely captured by the overwhelming splendor of another day arriving. �Thank you, God. That was fucking beautiful,� he said and after a moment of soaking in a touch of pure bliss, walked swiftly back to his motel room. Once inside he immediately sat down at his open journal and penned the following: The Only Dream I Have Ever Won- At first I hear the humming of a diesel engine growing louder as a big rig pulls into the parking lot. Then it drifts away as if backing into the Best Western Motel across the highway. In reality there is no Best Western across the highway. There�s nothing across the highway except a vast West Texas valley stretching eastward toward the Davis Mountains. I know this for certain as for the last few mornings I have awoken early and walked into that valley to watch the sky glow in brilliant orange hues as the Sun peaks the crest of Paisano Peak. As the hum of the truck�s engine slows to a purr, I hear a man on a microphone, �Ladies and gentlemen, please give a warm Texas welcome to Mr. Randy Quaid!� As a waiting crowd roars I wonder what is going on, it�s four fucking o�clock in the morning! And Randy Quaid? He�s an actor as far as I know. Is he there to sing? Does he do standup comedy on the side? Is he just more famous in this part of Texas? Or is he just going to stand on stage and abuse all these late-morning, motel-partying peckerwoods? At least it�s not at my motel and I�m too tired to care anymore so I drift back to sleep. Shortly after dozing off, the door to my motel room opens at the entrance of two young men, from my drowsy perspective, just a couple of squabbling silhouettes. As I watch them and try to make clear what they are arguing about, my typical one room double/double has grown into a large suite, complete with a full kitchen and large living area and another bedroom. Deep in the darkness behind the two men entering I lie in bed, watching, waiting, wondering. My scratchy voice sounds out from the darkness, �Excuse me, but what in the fuck are you doing in here?� They turn in sequence toward me as my question ends. Light breaks the darkness as one of them has flipped the switch in the living area. �Who the fuck are you?� asks a short, stocky man with blonde crew-cut hair and a faint, almost transparent moustache. Had it not been for its excessive length, I might never have noticed it. �This is our fucking room. Get your ass out.� Both men begin to approach me rather quickly as I reach for my .45 caliber pistol, holding it low alongside my bed, opposite their approach. Crewcut�s sidekick, a young, brown haired handsome fellow brandishes a knife. Actually it was a small, round bladed hunting knife with a black rubber pistol-like grip; used mainly for gutting and skinning a successfully hunted animal, deer and hog to be more specific. As I reach for the phone, �I�ll just call upfront and find out what the fuck is going on? How the fuck did you to get in my room anyways?� �Nobody�s callin� no one partner!� Barks Brownhair (herein to be referred to as Rob, as in Rob Lowe, the actor who gets into filming himself fucking). Blondie brandishes his own knife, a long sword like skinning knife. Here I thought �I have one just like that, but mine is only about eight inches long, just a few shy of Bret, my dick�. I feel myself smiling in my sleep. I point my gun at Rob�s head, �I�m calling.� At this point he attacks and this *8 where this particular dream differs from all the others. I�m not frozen or slow or restricted. I�m free to respond, to act and react. Suddenly I�m fucking fearless and very pissed-off. From my bed a beautiful girl with long curly, black hair and perfect, beautiful naked breast *9 quickly joins the fight against me. But she�s no match as I snatch away Blondie�s long skinning knife and with a perfect swing, leave her beautiful lopped-off head lying face down on the floor, her body falls quietly somewhere into a place of non-issue expendability. Rob comes at me. I fire-off six rapid rounds, each one missing by a mile. Oh shit, I thought, this is turning into one of my normal �I�m going to die defenseless� dreams, but I always wake just before my death. From the living area another woman enters, �Can�t you two idiots do anything right?� The last bullet in my clip finds a home dead center between her gleaming, beautiful green eyes as she falls back soundless. This was just too much so I break for the door and find myself in the hallway, naked and bullet-less. Rob and Blondie (herein referred to as Bob Beamer) chase quickly behind. I run down the empty motel halls, but never bother pounding on doors for help. I wasn�t even looking for a stairwell. I was just sort of enjoying running around naked with an empty pistol. They stick close behind me as I make my way back to my room. As I storm in, Rob and Bob Beamer *10 on still my ass, to my surprise I find another beautiful woman standing calmly inside, her sandy-blonde hair was shoulder length, straight and copious, just the type I�d love to run my fingers through. As I rush past her she draws a .38 caliber pistol, which I take from her with such ease it was as though she was handing it to me. Turning to face her, I quickly burry a slug squarely in her very distinct, very sexy *11 Adams apple. Falling toward me, I hear no sound of pain from her as she dies. My preoccupation is on Rob and Bob Beamer and myself, suddenly right back in our prior position. I point the .38 at Rob he as waves his knife at me, telling me to ��bring it on�. Rob, being the daring bastard he was, attacked again. From less than a trio of feet I fire at his head. One, two, three, four; each slug still missing its target, but not by far. For a moment I felt as though the bullets that blasted through the kitchen cabinet doors behind Rob�s head, where not lead but rubber, and I distinctly remember them being chalky limey-yellow. Why can I not kill this guy? I�ll check out a Rob Lowe movie now and then, the guy�s probably horsefucked half the women on the planet, and he just doesn�t seem like that bad of a guy. If maybe I got know him, I might find out he�s a pretty righteous dude. That�s just *12 me being I. If the guy hasn�t hurt anyone or anything like that, why kill him? We�d probably make pretty good friends. Knowing only one bullet remained; I knew that this had to be the one. Rob approached me. The guy was fucking fearless. I stepped toward him and fired the final shot, just grazing the left side of his neck. Dropping his knife, Rob was stunned. He repeatedly touched his right hand to the hole in his neck then looked at the bloodstains on his hand growing bigger. Over and over he did this as though it was never supposed to happen to him. *13 But it did. The blood was real and spilling out rapidly. �You shot me you fuck!� Rob cried out as he looked helplessly at Bob Beamer, �I�m fucking bleeding over here!� Bob Beamer�s expression was one of such fear that I sensed he had shit his britches. �Can you fucking believe this? I�m fucking bleeding.� �Yeah, like a stuck pig, too.� I commented. Rob just looked at me as if I were amused by his injury. �Are you fucking crazy?� He asked. I didn�t answer because I was just being me. Rob looked at Bob Beamer, �What in the fuck is going on here?� Bob Beamer had no answer for his companion and if he did he wasn�t about to offer it to Rob. He just looked at me and politely said, �I�m sorry mister, but I think we got us the wrong room.� �Hey dude, it�s cool.� I answered feeling a bit sorry for Bob Beamer, shitting-up his pants and all. Grabbing a tight handful of long black curly locks, I picked-up the lopped-off head from the floor, and handed it to Bob Beamer. �You two jackasses get the hell outta here and take this disgusting piece of shit with you.� They left without saying another word. Their exit was almost pathetically shameful. I yawned deep with a skyward stretch and climbed back into bed. Just before I *14 feel asleep it hit me and I felt deep regret for not having asked either Rob or Bob Beamer if they knew exactly why Randy Quaid was in town. Miles smiled as he closed his journal. He had gotten enough of it, enough not to completely forget about it for later. A wave of pain shot through his belly. He remained still in hopes of it passing. But it didn�t work this time, so off to the sandbox he ran, thinking of only one thing, seeing Lauren again. 1. knew 2. incomplete sentence 3. It�s not wrong, but you can drop the �e� 4. Two �ors� are only necessary for a boat. 5. Replace with �from� and you�ll say the same thing, while saving two spaces. 6. �With� suggests an interaction, if there was no actual interaction between Miles and God then it should be �about.� 7. �Filed� might work, but I think you meant �filled.� 8. forgot �is� 9. Breasts are usually better when there�s two of them� add an �s� 10. This is jumbled, try �are still on my� 11. The apple belongs to Adam, thus �Adam�s� 12. I�ll forgive this �me being I� because it�s in narration 13. Another one of those incomplete sentences. There�s more than two running through the story, but I think most editors would be kind of lenient on you, because of the way in which they�re used; beware though. 14. �fell� You have a talent Branson, for making your confused, non-hero Miles come to life. By the way, I also read �Without Condition� before reading this piece, just thought you might like to know. - The Advisor " -- JA St.George.
"THANK YOU, ADVISOR. I BELIEVE THE MISTAKES HAVE BEEN CARED FOR NOW. MUCH OBLIGED." -- STORM, TEXAS, USA.
"I like this guy, he's a little twisted to say the least, and look forward to the novel..." -- Mark K., Tulsa, OK, USA.
"You know what I think spoiled this a bit ... the dream sequence! it was like two stories in one, real life and dream and when we lurched into dreamland, I hadn't finished reading about Miles' life and death and what it was he had to sort with his woman before he died. The dream sequence was a bit boys-toys for my liking, but I did smile at the puchline at the end. I've read two of yours today and neither of them have really buzzed me, though both were well written. I think that somewhere in your list is a story that's going to make me wish I'd written it, because you have a knack of putting words together well. " -- Sooz, Dalton, England, Cumbria.


Postcards From Italy by Aurelia Bauer (1)
"At the 7 card stud poker grande standoff door call! Viewed as rock base omaha hi lo pineapple? Go muck banco represent high suit free video poker download mit. " -- omaha hi lo, omaha hi lo, omaha hi lo, omaha hi lo.


No Title For This One by Joseph Robert Herrick (1)
"NO REVIEW FOR THIS ONE. None really necessary, except that it is a poor story (no use of immediate scenes), but an excellent narrative (sharing of information). Some writers confuse narrative and story, but in a short-short such as this you have a license to get away with it.--The Advisor" -- JA St.George.


Mobile Misconduct by Moya Green (2)
"hehehe... precious. It sounds great to me, languagewise. But that it's in the "Humor" category makes me wonder about the ending. It seems to end sadly, not humorously." -- Caitlin Conaway, USA, California.
"I really enjoyed that. I didn't find it comical in the slightest, but it was very good. The dialogue was perfect." -- Jack Brown.


Isabella's Alchemy by Caitlin Conaway (1)
"You really bring the story to life. If it wasn't like that, it should have been!" -- Moya Green, Tamworth, UK.


Sweet Tooth by Adam Brelsford (2)
"Holy shit man! What ever happened to friends forever god and im drinking a pepsi too i think im goin to be sick. ....but it's a super good story!!! i rate it a nine out of ten. keep up making people feel sick!" -- Sarah.
"I'd first like to say that I'm highly resistant to this newly instated rating system, because it gives the author very little, if any, indication of the work's strengths and weaknesses as perceived by the reviewer. Without knowing the administration's reasons for having created it, I am led to believe it was to give the reader a lazy way to review, but as I said it is pointless to do a poll, because these are stories/articles, and not tax levies. Better not to review at all than to say someone's story is a 5. Now as for the story "Sweet Tooth." Assuming that you are British, many British spellings won't work in the international market. I'd suggest retyping all your "apologise"s as "apologize"s, "recognise"s as "recognize"s, "vandalised" as "vandalized," "paralysed" as "paralized". Also, if you're eager for publication outside the UK, then don't confuse your quote marks and quotation marks. Quotation marks "", surround dialogue, and within dialogue, where a speech fragment is being quoted, then you use the quote marks ''. As for misspellings: "permanant" change to "permanent." 'Lets go in then, eh?' He continued. (Who does this line go to? I believe it is Janet, but it doesn't say, and if it is Daniel then why is the sentence not on the same line as the last words that he just spoke, and why would he be talking to himself anyway?) Now as for exposition:Yet she never seemed to attract any men, no matter how nice, rich or powerful. (Now here is a line that makes no sense. What it seems to be saying is: Despite all her attractive qualities she couldn't attract any men because of their attractive qualities. Are you trying to say that opposites attract, or in this case similars repel? Or did you just miss the point of what you were saying?). The stranger explained that he was not watching where he was going because his mother had recently passed away, and so he was understandably somewhat distracted with thoughts of his mother. Janet offered her condolences, and they were met warmly by the man, who then informed her that his name was Daniel. Daniel suggested that Janet come back to his house, purely to give her somewhere to dry herself off and get a warm drink down her throat, and possibly he could give her a lift home (Technically there's nothing wrong with this narrative summary, and two centuries ago an editor wouldn't have given it a second thought, but to be honest your writing for a readership that is dead. Narrative summary has its place, especially when making story transistions, but you never want to use a word more of it than you have to because the modern reader likes to see the action before him, and not have it happen somewhere off-stage. In this scene, if the exposition about Daniel not paying attention was important enough for you to have said anything in the first place, then I think it'd be worthwhile to show that action rather than to tell the reader that there was an action.) What you did right: The characters are very well drawn out, and you can actually care about Janet, and you do have a good use of suspense within the story. Upon first contact with Daniel, Janet seems somewhat dim, especially when you espouse: He seemed to mean well, and didn't appear very sinister, so Janet was confident that she could trust him. (If he's not "completely" sinister, then he must be alright). This isn't a failing of the exposition, but a strength of it, because the writer's intent is to make the character Janet appear somewhat dim, at least in this scene, also in the bar scene, if she believed that "water" was going to stain most clothing, then she is somewhat lax in the intellect department. You did a good job of illustrating her as such, and it explains why she'd go to a complete stranger's apartment, because it certainly wouldn't be because she's just lonely, no she's just dumb. " -- JA St.George.


The Spirit Of The Buccaneers by Norman A Rubin (1)
"This was pretty good. It should perhaps be changed from a fantasy story to a horror story. There were a few instances where you'd leave out key words in sentences. An example is as follows: "I looked into the faces of the attendant and of the ancients whose set faces confirmed their knowledge. Didn�t want to argue. What should be read here is the letter I making it I didn't want to argue. I am a little curious as to your decision to tell the story in dialogue throughout the entire piece. Nonetheless, it was very well written. Keep up the magnificence." -- Michael Harris, Detroit.


The Spice Of Life by Simon King (1)
"Simon, this was a wonderful story, so simply, but beautifully told. I was drawn in from the first line .. the mark of a good story teller. The ending was great, tied up all the lose ends and made me feel quite melancholy. I will read more ! " -- Judith Goff, USA.


Memento Mori by Simon King (2)
"Nice creepy little tale, made even more scary because the setting is so ordinary. Satisfying ending" -- Moya Green, Tamworth, UK.
"Many thanks for your time and kind words, Moya. Much appreciated by this hopeful scribbler :)" -- Simon King.


Last Night by Adam Brelsford (3)
"Disturbingly truthful and moving" -- ema.
"extremly sad and moving, you have managed to create a masterpiece." -- Sarah.
"Very good, but using extraneous adjectives at times. But the fact of the matter is: highly readable and well worth reading. Nice one mate!!!!!!" -- Glen Pearson.


God Does Indeed Understand Irony by Johnny Abrahams (2)
"Yes, stop laughing at the back there, this is a deeply sad tale that brings tears to the eyes . . . No, scrub that. it's hilarious." -- Moya Green, Tamworth, Uk.
"Loved the line: "Death Ave by the way is not only one way but also a dead end." It reminds me of that very old joke: "Do you know how to make God laugh? Tell him your plans for the future". Your story is clearly a parable with a profound message for us all. Not sure what but something along the lines of "The zip on your flies may well be a life-saver". Incidentally, I thought it was the Americans, not God, who kept getting accused of not understranding irony. Or am I trying to make an unreal distinction there?" -- David Gardiner, London, England.


Genesis Quest by P Garrett Weiler (1)
"This is incredible work. When I first read the "dust-jacket" I held my breath, dreading it might be some poorly retold version of Toy Story or Batteries Not Included. But Mr./Ms. Weiler you proved yourself worthy of those accreditations you spoke of. You did an excellent job of characterization, which is one of the things I harp heavily on to other writers here. I actually cared about Lom Seel, fully realizing that he was a toy, or descended from a toy, conceivably a plastic doll. I also caught the implied Toys R US reference, which you managed to pull off without actually saying it. At the end of the story, it was indeed mysterious, which I believe to be your point, but I think I am correct in believing that there indeed was a native Toysarian population still living on Earth, only beneath it. Thank you for having told this story.--The Advisor " -- JA St.George.


Furtive Glances by Sue (Sooz) Simpson (6)
"WOW!!! What a fantastic piece of writing. You were spot on with this one, Sue. So many wonderful phrases, I can't single any out! I *loved* your paragraph describing why she had never considered her husband to be gay. Great stuff, as usual :D" -- Simon King, Ilkeston, United Kingdom, Derbys.
"I know this one is pretty light-hearted and it's a witty and well written story, but there are things to think about in it as well. The core of the story is the bit about things that just happen (projectile vomiting etc.) and things that we choose to do (having an affair). I wondered if the wife was really justified in her anger. What I mean is, somebody is gay (or straight) whether they want to be or not. That's in the projectile vomiting category. It isn't something we choose. Whereas in the more conventional set-up, a husband can usually choose whether or not to have an affair. I suppose in this case Rob didn't choose to be gay (or bisexual?) but he did choose to respond to the attraction he felt towards his male friend. So in a way she had something to be angry about, but perhaps the real object of her anbger was herself, for not seeing what was going on, or for marrying a potentially gay man in the first place. It's an interesting little tale, very thought-provoking." -- David Gardiner, London, England.
"Thank-you Sime, I really don't like this one. But I'm very pleased that you enjoyed it. Thank-you." -- Sooz, Dalton, England, Cumbria.
"Thanks David. I wrote this with friends of mine in mind. they were happily married until he ran off with another bloke. He'd married her to prove to the world how straight he was. It was horrible for both of them. Luckily society is becoming more and more lenient and more gays are feeling happy to be themselves. Trust you to find the nuts and bolts in a lighthearted skit :-)" -- Sooz, Dalton-in-Furness, England, Cumbria.
"Snickers� Review: As always, I think Sooz writes very well. I would address punctuation in this one (is there a recurring theme from this author?) ------ Ariel�s Review: How can anyone not love that? It's great and wonderfully entertaining. I love how it stayed lighthearted. The only thing I would really change is that the cooking section goes rather long and might be cut a little bit. That's all I've got. " -- Cam Davis.
"Thanks both, this isn't one of my favourites but I'm glad you both liked it. Thanks Cam. " -- Sooz, Dalton, England, Cumbria.


Freedom By Another Name by Sue (Sooz) Simpson (3)
"> " -- Cam Davis.
"This site is so stupid, here let me reprint. Shalomar�s Review: Cameron you marked this piece as �Drama� but I think it would be more appropriate in either the category of Essay or Poetry." -- Cam Davis.
"That was ny fault shalomar, I marked it as drama. It was one of those pieces that didn't seem to fit into any category and when it doubt I always chose drama as the catch all net. Thank you. And thanks to Cam. " -- Sooz, Dalton, England, Cumbria.


Crazy Crash by Johnny Abrahams (1)
"Well, what can i say but what a load of crap, unless you are stoned then man utter great, write more, but increase the dosage" -- Peter Gigermesiters.


My Date With Gavin Winterbottom by Moya Green (3)
"I've read Moya Green's work before and she never fails to make me laugh. Her characters are real and I know everything they do. So lifelike." -- Terry Moore, UK.
"Hello Moya, you do realize that you have two title headings, right?--The Advisor" -- JA St.George.
"Hello Moya: This is a good story that requires only a little rewriting. Check your grammar, spelling and dialogue. Remove the second title from the top of your story's page. That's all. " -- Alberta, Atlanta .


Lucky For Some by Moya Green (1)
"Hilarious. Very unique writing from the dog's point of view. Nice content. I can almost see this happening." -- lyn, Atlanta, GA, USA.


Lost World by G Siddharth (2)
"This story reminds me how I used to write when I was young. Stick with your writing and I have little doubt you will improve greatly, you may even find yourself revisiting this story, and upon rewriting it again in some future time, you will be amazed at the differences between the two versions. Take care and keep using your imagination.--The Advisor" -- JA St.George.
"Very good narration. It isn't like the other time machine stories which only go to the past. Very Good." -- Pintoo, Las Vegas, USA, Nevada.


Empty House by Sue (Sooz) Simpson (4)
"Difficult to review this one without giving the game away. I'll just say it'a a clever plot, and when you get to the ending you have to rethink all your earlier impressions. I like that kind of story. It's also highly atmospheric - the sense of sadness at having to leave is very well communicated. Can't really say any more. Enjoyed it a great deal." -- David Gardiner, London, England.
"Thank-you, this one is okay, but not one that I particularly like. It's osmething I'd love to be able to do though 'afterwards' to visit and see whose stepped into my shoes and what's changed. " -- Sooz, Dalton, England, Cumbria.
"Archmage Darksphere�s Review: Cool story! It really left a strong impression in my mind. The elaborations are really good, that you can just picture every scene in your mind as you read it. Wow. " -- Cam Davis.
"Thank-you Archmage. Glad I managed to impress you. And thanks to Cam too. " -- Sooz, Dalton-in-Furness, England, Cumbria.


Different Road by Sue (Sooz) Simpson (6)
"This story really grips right from the start, tremendous sense of dramatic tension. Just a couple of quibbles. First sentence - do you need 'he was agitated'? Why spell out the obvious? 'Foetaly' in line 13 - is that a real adverb, it doesn't look right somehow. Also, in the last paragraph you seem to be saying that human intelligence implies human emotions. Surely the two are quite sepsrate. I did enjoy the story though. And I did not see the end coming!" -- Moya Green, Tamworth, England.
"This one reminded me strongly of "Flowers for Algernon" by Daniuel Keyes, one of my all time favourite books. The central character of that book is Charlie Gordon, and Algernon is a mouse with near-human intelligence. I agree with the previous reviewer, this work isn't as well written as your later stuff and is just played for the trick ending. It's okay but I know you can do a lot better." -- David Gardinerd, London, England.
"Moya I am terrible for making up words to fit my cause. If I can't think of one that sounds right, I'll just make one up that does. So in answer to your question,um probably not :-) Thanks for liking this I'm not fond of it myself. Thank-you." -- Sooz, Dalton, England, Cumbria.
"You are starting to worry me David, you are getting to know me far too well. Of course as usual you are right, this was written just for the twist ending, and it's another one that I don't like. I'm dying to find one that I disagree with you on and can say, 'Well I really like this one' but it hasn't happened yet. Thanks David." -- Sooz, Dalton, England, Cumbria.
"Barry�s Review: I�m sorry Cameron, but I couldn�t bare to read this piece. If you have another I�ll be happy to look at it though. Achy�s Review: Hopefully I can find the time to give this an Achy Special " -- Cam Davis.
"Well I don't think it was *that* bad Barry :-) and thanks to Arch and Cam. " -- Sooz, Dalton, England, Cumbria.


The Story Of Joe by Prymed Moon (3)
"Erm..." -- manintheshack.
"I could feel my intelligence dwindling the more I read this... aba da da la pretty flowers...--The Advisor" -- JA St.George.
"It needs work. The ideas are there but you have to edit it more carefully. " -- Sandi.


Somewhere Something Strange by Juned Ahsan (3)
"Interesting story. Lot of suspense. You have all the traits to become a good story writer, Junaid. You must however improve your English and read as much as you can. Well done, anyway." -- Piyaraymian, Karachi.
"Its a good tale on a frightening expirience" -- Jack, New York, U.S, Its a good tale on a frightening expirience.
"Has good ideas, " -- Shelley, Fullerton, California, USA.


Footprints In The Ashes by Mark Brittan (1)
"I think this was a well-written story, but I'm a bit surprised at the ending ("she was still hugging the teddy bear Christ had given her"). Why would our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ give a dead little girl a teddy bear? I think He'd get her something more useful, like a defibrillator." -- Ronnie Van Zandt, Boise, Idaho, USA.


Fear The Reaper: Batman And Michael Myers Part 2 by Mark Brittan (1)
""Fear There Aper" isn't as good a title as "Fear Therapist", because then you can call it "Fear The Rapist" and confuse that laddie Trebek." -- Sean Connery, Edinburgh, Scotland, UK.


A Matter Of Life And Death: Batman And Michael Myers by Mark Brittan (2)
"I'm a little confused. Why would Batman be battling Austin Powers anyway? I think this story would make more sense if Batman fought against Mike Myers playing Doctor Evil" -- Tim Kovach, Hazel Park, MI, USA.
"Advisor's Note: It is believed that the author is refering to the character Michael Myers from the Halloween series of movies.--The Advisor" -- JA St.George.


There are 29 title entries with reviews on this page.


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