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4 A.M. by William Spongberg (2)
"I see this web site.This is very exciting andhelpful to study." -- harishussaini, karachi, sindh, pakistan.
"I loved it! I have just recently become interested in writing screenplays, and yours is excellently written and formatted, which has provided a good example for me of how it should be done. Great job, and keep it up. You have a knack for it! " -- Kayla.


The Silmaril by Nick Green (8)
"I'm reading it right now, and I must say, what I have read thus far is very very good. Perhaps a bit too modern for such a story, but that doesn't really matter. I will try to give a fuller review when I've read it all." -- Magnus Andr� Wand�s.
"Excellent, I could see this working as an epic movie. " -- Al, UK.
"I took a brief peek at your screenplay and the first thing that came to mind is the big question. Do you have the rights for this adaptation? If you don't, no one will even consider it. I looked at the first page and noticed several formatting mistakes. If you would like, I can offer you a critique of the first few pages. I'm new to this site so I'm not sure how to post a critic. It seems too cramped to offer it in this method of response." -- ThomasDF, Denver, CO, USA.
"Note to ThomasDF above: No I don't own the rights, and it has never entered my mind that I would make any money from what was basically a labour of love (I only sent it to Peter Jackson out of a sense of 'appropriateness'). Yes I know there are formatting mistakes; readability was my main concern. If readers can picture this nonexistent movie in their heads, that's fine with me." -- Nick Green, London, UK.
"You'll have to excuse me there, Nick. My mind is too geared toward the film industry and focused way too much on the market and script technicalities. To write a script purely for the love of it is something very special. You have succeeded in your goal of readability. It is very crisp and alive. You've given the readers a wonderful gift." -- ThomasDF, Denver, CO, USA.
"Wonderful! you captivate the readers, and I agree with AI it would be great to see this working as an epic movie. So, you sent it to PJ, what did he say?" -- Mina DF.
"Fantastic! Makes me want to go and read the Silmarilion (sp.?) even though it looks impossible. You make it as exiting as Lord of the rings and The Hobbit. A bit hard to read as a film script tho, maybe I'm not used to them so much" -- Richard B, Ipswich, England.
"Ehmm..m. Sehr gut Seite! Ich sage innig..!:) bmw" -- BMW, ..., ..., ....


The Hand Of God by Brent Paine (1)
"Wow what movie this would make." -- Jeanette H.


Grease by Mark Timothy Dickson (3)
"Well, what can I say? Barry and Pauline rock. I love the way they argue all the time, making the story more about them than the zombies. Excellent, deserves to be a film, man!" -- Kevin Hunter, Liverpool, Uk, England.
"I didn't get it. Where they a couple who wanted to be together, or not? I wasn't really that interested in them. Good story, though. Very funny in places and dull in others. This could a pretty good cult thing." -- Carol Tawny, New York, New York, USA.
"the zombie film is a hard one to write. its been done so often that you need a new idea. barry and pauline are just that. i loved it, thank you. have you written any more, because i'd love to read them. how about a follow up? explaining what happens to them after they become zombies!" -- Oliver Ward, Birminghsam, Uk, England.


Skating Off For Heaven by Alicia Mags (3)
"i really liked the whole idea of this play-the skateboarding mixed with their growing faith, and how easily you can let go of people, but at the same time how, if they're meant for you, you'll also get them back just as easily." -- Megan, Reading, USA, CA.
"I was wondering if I could make a little movie using your script. Please let me know. " -- Caleb, Perrin, TX, USA.
"Hi, Caleb! I would be honored if you would do that. Can you please send me some more information about it? My email is [email protected]" -- Alicia, Bear Creek, Pennsylvania, USA.


Raphael The Redemption by Teresa Ann Salyer (1)
"I've read part '1' and I must say I found it intriguing. Criticism: the characters and scenes need to be beefed up a little as I the reader struggled to obtain a bond with any of the main characters; and I was unable to gain a mental picture of the various locations. Apart from that, and as I've already said, I found light and enjoyable. " -- Ulysses Hero, England.


Vampyres-A Stageplay In Six Acts by David B Doc Byron (2)
"Interesting. You'd like my work "Eternal Desire" and "The Voice" as well as others." -- R. Bennett Okerstrom.
"Reminiscent of Lugosi's Dracula. Would like to read more, will you be posting the rest soon?" -- Judith Goff.


Offerings by David B Doc Byron (2)
"I've liked the script, however what you have is a true example that sometimes listing all of the zooms of a camera doesn't necessarily bring the film to life, although you should still try to keep your focus on better formatting your script, besides that you are a truly artist of words; and I can't wait to see a full script written by you." -- Seamar Hawkings.
"Interesting..very interesting.It has the feel of a twilight zone episode.Just a little to many camera instructions,but i liked it.Good work. W.T.Jr." -- willie travis jr, Baton Rouge, LA, USA.


Geraldine by Paul J Holmes (1)
"You are an excellent writer, Paul J Holmes, certainly you are looking for more than the hassle you can get here. RoseDog.comThe largest manuscript showcase available to writers, agents, and publishers.Enter RoseDog BooksBecome a published author at a fraction of the cost of traditional self-publishing.Enter RoseDog is working to get writers noticed. We now have 110 publishers and 59 agents registered with us! There are over 6,870 manuscripts in the showcase! � Writers: Are you looking for a publisher or agent? Learn about the benefits of RoseDog membership here. � Showcase excerpts from your unpublished work quickly and easily. Use your RoseDog email to communicate with other writers. Request a free banner to draw attention to your manuscript. � Read our Writers FAQs here. � Agents and Publishers: Find out why RoseDog makes good business sense for you. No fees, no commissions, no hassles. " -- RoseDog Afficianado.


A Step Up From The Ground by Alicia Marlene Dean-Hunter (1)
"Please visit script-o-rama.com. There, you will find examples of various film scripts that will assist you on the correct way to write a screenplay. " -- Alberta , Atlanta .


Joseph Petes by Gary W Hall (1)
"Message for Alberta: As you can see, I�ve made no attempt to criticize the writer personally. All the criticism that I�ve made is directed at the play itself without any prejudice to the writer. All of it is constructive, and there is no suggestion that the author is incapable of writing well. However, in addition to the reasons I�ve already given, there is another major reason why people don�t critique, and that is because no matter how carefully the critique is orchestrated, the writer being critiqued may feel somehow slightest by the least favorable comment of the work, and thus feel the need to retaliate by questioning the reviewer�s capability to critique objectively, or the writer may do worse. I�m not saying that this will happen due to this particular critique that I�ve delivered, which is fair and honest, and hopefully helpful to the writer willing to improve his/her work, but since this is an unmoderated forum it could happen. Many who critique are afraid of getting blasted by those they attempt to help, and so they simply give up. On the site I�ve given you regarding critiques, since it is moderated you never have to worry about someone shouting back at you. What�s more, those writers who will post there, aren�t just looking to display his/her work, but also truly desire a critique, so the chance of them getting upset by a good critique is greatly lessened. Message for author: The story was captivating from the very first few paragraphs. It is always good to open a story on an action, it doesn�t need to be a violent action, but any interesting action, especially one with conflict is a good way to make an introduction, and gets the story moving. Did I enjoy reading it? I honestly prefer to read work in prose format, but that is just preference. What type of person would this book appeal to? This type of work would appeal to a person who enjoys Central or South American crime drama, but wouldn�t play well to American tastes where accuracy is a must. The way the play is written now I don�t think that it has sales potential. What could be changed? Eliminate the confusion. There are flashbacks that are not indicated, as well as scenery. The reader loses track of where and especially when they are. Additionally the actions of the characters don�t seem to fit any real actions people in these positions such as police officers would take. The law may be different in �Mexico?� but the actions taken don�t seem to be coherent with actual procedure. Much of the dialogue sounds phony and gives the impression that the characters do not know how to speak properly. The plot scenario is weak, reminding me of a sequence of events that might occur in a comedy, but not in a crime drama that is striving for accuracy. For instance there is no solid explanation of why a crime boss and a police organization would agree to let a non-legal specialist take care of police negotiations, and even worse, they grab some �bank-teller?� The scenes mostly seem strung together, and actions in them materialize from nowhere such as a wrestling ring in a hotel lobby and a curious ambush in a warehouse on a hostage negotiator, Joseph, for no given reason, and extremely elaborate, especially since a hit on Joseph could have been performed much more simply and effectively. Suggested improvements would be? Study real life crime and punishment, especially how real procedure is carried out. It would also be to the author�s advantage to not give character�s multiple names for no reason, such as Haas and Hass or Julia Gear who also suddenly becomes Maria Cortez. Because this is a screenplay, the place you interject the credits, which you list as "titles" is inappropriate. I'd personally do it before any major action or during a slow opening scene. Since this is a play you can easily indicate flashback and change of scenery by just stating in captions Flashback and Scenery Change, making sure to include exact times, dates, and locations to make it easier to follow. Studying professional scripts wouldn�t be a bad idea either, to identify the proper layout of a script. Remember that a script should be written with the two most important elements being dialogue and stage directions (in a short story it�s just the opposite, never include stage directions). You want to write a play so that actors would actually be able to perform it just using the script. It isn�t necessary to go all-out in the detail department, since you�re the playwright and not the set designer nor the wardrobe department. Giving sensory information is only useful for �setting the stage,� literally. It doesn�t help the actors reading the lines either, to know what they are already wearing and seeing. Excess information that doesn�t help the actors to act is a liability to a play. I know that it doesn�t make for fascinating reading, but it isn�t supposed to, that�s what stories are for. A play is a script that allows actions to be taken in an orchestrated sequence. Example from the play �The Clod�: SCENE: The kitchen of a farmhouse on the borderline between the Southern and Northern states. TIME: Ten o'clock in the evening, September, 1863. The back wall is broken at stage left by the projection at right angles of a partially enclosed staircase, four steps of which, leading to the landing, are visible to the audience. Underneath the enclosed stairway is a cubby-hole with a door; in front of the door stands a small table. To the left of this table is a kitchen chair. A door leading to the yard is in the centre of the unbroken wall back; to the right of the door, a cupboard, to the left, a stove. In the wall right are two windows. Between them is a bench, on which there are a pail and a dipper; above the bench a towel hanging on a nail, and above the towel a double-barrelled shot-gun suspended on two pegs. In the wall left, and well down stage, is a closed door leading to another room. In the centre of the kitchen stands a large table; to the right and left of this, two straight-backed chairs. The walls are roughly plastered. The stage is lighted by the moon, which shines into the room through the windows, and a candle on table centre. When the door back is opened, a glimpse of a desolate farmyard is seen in the moonlight. When the curtain rises, THADDEUS TRASK, a man of fifty or sixty years of age, short and thick set, slow in speech and movement, yet in perfect health, sits lazily smoking his pipe in a chair at the right of the centre table. After a moment, MARY TRASK, a tired, emaciated woman, whose years equal her husband's, enters from the yard, carrying a pail of water and a lantern. She puts the pail on the bench and hangs the lantern above it; then crosses to the stove. MARY. Ain't got wood 'nough fer breakfast, Thad. THADDEUS. I'm too tired to go out now; wait till mornin'. [Pause. MARY lays the fire in the stove.] This script could work. It has interesting possibilities that could be played around with such as the bad guy in the seat of power and his daughter that may or may not be a hostage or may or may not be a criminal. It does have interesting potential. The opening scene doesn�t present the protagonist's main problem that remains unclear in the beginning. There is no emotional conflict WITHIN the main character. Also, between the main characters we never get a chance to see any of the character�s emotions from the inside. Emotional conflict is part of what gets readers interested. For example: love vs. loyalty; greed vs. duty; fear vs. desire; revenge vs. self-doubt. There is enough conflict between the characters, expressed through action, dialogue, and attitudes. The characters did not have the potential to transform each other. C. Plot 1. Was the main plot clear and believable? The plot is understood, but no it was not believable. 2. Did the main character have a clearly defined problem to solve? Did you feel by the end of the piece that this problem was solved or did the character become resolved to live with it? The problem appears to be solved, though there are some unclear points at the very end, such as what is happening to whom. 2. Were you able to determine the time and place of the story quickly enough? I believe the story was set in contemporary Central or South America, though the author doesn�t specify. Also there is confusion about the times that actions occurred within the script, especially since the use of flashback was employed without any indication. 3. Did the story start at the right place? Did it end at the right place in the plot? It�s my opinion that it did not. I believe it would have been more effective to bring all of the flashback to the forefront of the play. The story did however end after the climax, despite some confusion at the ending. 4. Are there scenes which do not seem to further the plot? Yes. A notable scene is in the very beginning, where the protagonist Joseph is relaying information to two would-be assassins in the form of flashback throughout the story. If this were eliminated nothing would be lost. Any necessary information could just be added to the actual story. 5. Were there too many flashbacks, which broke your attention? Yes, for reasons stated above. 6. If the piece was a short story, were there too many subplots? If the piece was a novel, could it be improved by more attention to the subplots or have more subplots? Conversely, does it have too many subplots and you got confused about what was happening? This was neither a short story, nor a novel, and there were no subplots that interfered with the story. 7. Was every subplot useful? Did it add to the overall story or did the author seem to stick it in just for complexity? N/A 8. Pacing: Did the plot/subplots move fast enough to keep the reader's attention? There was lag, especially in scenes where actions were occurring that seemed out of place. 10. Resolution of conflict: Did the conflict and tension in the plots and subplots come to some reasonable ending? Or did the author leave us hanging, wondering what happened? When you finished, were there things that you still felt needed to be explained? If the author did leave some conflict unresolved, did they indicate somewhere that future stories are pending? The conflict was not adequately resolved. I am uncertain about who might have been given a bomb and it is unknown what might have happened. This was obviously intended for suspense, but as stated above there is ample confusion in the scene. D. Setting 1. Is there enough description of the background in the story to paint a picture that seems real enough for the reader? Did you feel that you were transported to 'that time or place'? The author uses description where it has no effect, but fails to set the stage for necessary scene clues. I didn�t feel transported to that time or place, and wasn�t quite honestly sure where it was at all. 2. Was there too much description so modern readers might tend to become bored? Was the description written with cliches? The description wasn�t over done, and there were no clich�s that I picked out. 3. Did the author use good enough names for people, places, and things? Names help set the tone for a story. Were some names of people hard to keep track of? Did some names seem inconsistent with the character? Were the names too stereotypical? The names were adequate, though it became difficult to distinguish some characters from other characters. 4. Did the author convince you that people in that time or place would behave that way? No. Several of the characters� actions seemed inconsistent with the actions of real people. 5. Is the timing and order of events in the story consistent? For example, did John drive his new car on his vacation in chapter six but it wasn't until chapter ten that he bought it? I noticed no inconsistencies. E. Characterization 1. Did the people seem real? Or were the main characters stereotypes or one-dimensional cardboard characters? All of the characters had no depth to them. 2. People do not exist in a vacuum. They have family, friends, a job, worries, ambitions, etc. Did you get a sense of enough of these, but not too much, for the main characters? No. 3. Did you get a good picture of the culture, historical period, location, and occupation of the main character? No. 4. Did you get enough of a sense of paradoxes within the character? Enough of their emotions, attitudes, values? The emotions of the protagonist were merely grazed. The other characters all seemed to just perform a perfunctory duty in order to make something happen. 5. Backstory: were you distracted by too much background information of a character at one time? Did the author seem to dump a lot of information on the background of a character in one or two long speeches, or did we learn about that character here and there in smaller pieces? There was not a lot of character background information for this to be a problem. 6. Did the protagonist undergo some change in the story? No. Events merely occurred to the character, and though a little worse for wear, there seemed to be no profound change in the main character. 7. Could the story have been improved by adding more details of the protagonist's or another character's reputation; stereotyped beliefs; their network of relations to other people; habits and patterns; talents and abilities; tastes and preferences; or physical description of their body? Yes. More information about the protagonist would have helped the reader understand better why he does what he does. 8. Does each chapter/page have enough sensory description? Can the reader easily sense what is happening physically to the main character? Were there enough words of sight, sound, touch, smell, or taste? N/A 9. If the story used a person as the antagonist (villain), did they seem real too? Or did they seem so evil or one-sided that they were more like ideal villains? Did they have some redeeming qualities too? Did the villain seem to be a hero in their own mind? There seemed no impetus for the villain�s actions, only that he �wanted to rule the world.� 10. Every reader has their own taste in how much characterization they like. Did this story have too little or too much characterization for you? My opinion is that it had too little characterization, even for a play where characterization can be elaborated upon by the actor. F. Dialogue 1. Did the words from the mouths of the people in the story seem consistent with their personalities? No. 2. Was there too much or not enough dialogue, in your opinion? Usually writers err on the side of not enough dialogue. There were no detectable problems with dialogue length. 3. Did any character tend to talk in long monologues? Yes. The (police captain?) for example, talked in a stereotypical police captain monologue. 4. Were you able to sense the conflict, attitudes, and intentions of each character in their dialogue without the author telling you of these directly? Yes. 5. Were you able to detect any exchange of power that is sexual, physical, political, or social? There were none. 6. Did the dialogue seem easy to speak? Can you 'hear' it? If it sounds unusual, you might suggest that the writer try reading it aloud. The dialogue sounded unusual, as though no real person would actually speak it. 7. Does the dialogue seem TOO MUCH like normal speech, with too many incomplete sentences, pauses, restarts, profanity, cliches, etc. that it was distracting? This was not a problem. 8. Did the author use dialect that was too heavy, making it difficult to read? The author avoided the use of dialect. 9. Does each character have their own speech rhythm, accent (if necessary), vocabulary, and even length of sentences? No. Several of the characters were completely interchangeable, from the cop to the street bum. 10. In an exchange of conversation, can you easily tell who is speaking if you didn't have their names or gender attached to their sentences? No. J. Grammar and spelling 1. Was the English readable? Were there too many grammatical errors, misuse of punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.? There were several grammatical errors such as �where� used repeatedly when the author meant �were,� �to� instead of �two,� �in tacked� instead of �intact,� and several non-English spellings such as �recognise� and �organise.� There was a great deal of misused punctuation such as �guys� without a possessive apostrophe, and sentences such as �Excuse me Joseph, if don�t mind me asking how come you are so ready to die.� With a period at the end, where even the dialogue itself says it is a question. Also, nouns such as Diner and Hamburger were capitalized for no reason. Some words were also misused, when another word would have been more accurate, such as the opening scene �Joseph: Of course I know, but before you have to take care of me, can I have three things. Second Hit man: You are in no position to argue.� Joseph is not �arguing� but �requesting.� 2. Did you point out any typos or misspelling? How many times have you missed that in your writing because you passed over it without seeing it? Were there so many such errors that they made reading the piece difficult for you? I don�t believe that they were typos, because the same mistakes were made repeatedly and consistently. English may not be the author�s first language, or he/she may need guidance in this area. 3. Did the author use too many exclamation points? No. 5. Did the author use melodrama? For instance, "With tears in her eyes and barely able to speak, the head nurse dialed the Chief of Staff. There would be a lot of crying tonight." Can't you just hear the violins in the background? N/A D. Consider the target readers. Do you as a critic have a good idea of the type of readers this author was writing for? I believe this author is trying to appeal to a young audience that may not necessarily care about accuracy. Before you criticize something that you may not like personally, ask yourself: who are the readers this author wants to write for? Is this appropriate for that audience? This play may be appropriate for the viewer that doesn�t question a script�s plot. 1. When critiquing a short story, remember that every word must count. Are there sentences and/or paragraphs that don't appear to contribute substantially to the story and maybe should be thrown out? N/A 2. Are there too many subplots? In short stories, one subplot may be okay, but two or more is often just too much. N/A 3. Did the author go overboard on flashbacks? Generally in short stories, flashbacks should be used very sparingly. Although this wasn�t a short story, there was an overuse of flashbacks. " -- JA St.George.


Time- Lapse by Rajita (2)
"THIS SP IS JUST A WAY TO COOL!!! MAYBE I�M GOING TO DO IT, AS A SHORT FILM! -Johan KOP PRODUCTIONS" -- Johan, Denmark.
"Different. I laughed on it for the first few passages. Need to polish it up just a tab bit. I can see you was in a hurry or something putting it on the internet." -- Essa Durrancey, Olympia, WA, USA.


The Last Swan by Angel Obregon (1)
"I can tell you're a cab driver, you have that kind of feeling for the meaning of the city. And, yes, the script moves fast, the dialogue is juicly clever and the plot is wonderfully inventive. But it's sad that you hate people that much. Who do you see as the audience for this?" -- Horst Schwarz, New York, New York, USA.


Trimester by John D Galyon Jr (4)
"Have you been able to access it yet John? - The Advisor" -- JA St. George.
"I reall enjoyed this.The ending is fantastic, and the baby is very creative. Keep up the GOOD WORK! :-D" -- Blair.
"blair: thank you for the kind words. my script is currently being developed by well-renowned playwright john tumulty. " -- john.
"Please visit www.script-o-rama.com. There, you will find various film scripts that you can study so that you may learn the correct way to write your script, which is a great storyline by the way. " -- Alberta , Atlanta .


The Shadowing Eye by Eric P Vana (5)
"sorry, eric, i didn't think this was a comedy. it was creepy. well i guess those 2 fargo guys were funny. anyway, i enjoyed it a lot. i would like to play the ugly yvettepart in your movie. tee hee hee" -- erin.
"That was a nice play. I'd like to see that one get made. The ending was the best. The only thing I would change is where Ms. Yvette spits up bloody shit on Allan's face. That's a little too graphic for me. Jolly good job. -CORLIS" -- Corlis.
"Watch out Chasy! Very interesting, a little on the creepy side, a little more moderation might appeal to a broader audience." -- Henry, MIlwaukee, USA, WI.
"smooch!" -- erin.
"Vana, Do you have a craft for storytelling? Maybe? Do you have a problem you have overlooked? Indeed! Harken! And listen to what i must say (well, write). First off, lay off the stuff about opening credits. A producer/director/anyone dealing with movies will just trash it. You are a screenwriter. Write each scene. Worrry about intricate detail later, after a deal. Second, buy a book called "Screenplay", by Syd Field. You will not be disappointed. Sincerely, Brookes (Writer's Anonymous) PS Leave a note on this page. You will not get my e-mail adress. " -- J. D. Hollen Brookes, LA, CA, USA.


Project H.E.L.P. by Michael Skurnik (1)
"Good stuff." -- D.Daniel Vujic, Clearwater, Florida, USA.


Roommates by Chauncey Brummell (7)
"Hi first of all I like to say this is GOOD!! I think the introduction of the characters was smart that way people know a little about them. I love the character Gracie. I think she is a riot and the story line is going very well. I think the writer has done some research on his story lines. I would love to read more. This could be the next biggest thing come to television!" -- Sandy, Ohio.
"This screenplay is written for chicks okay. I have to say though its a good storyline. Its different from most shows but the theme of a young girl trying to make it big in LA has been overdone too much. The plot is good so far and I can actually picture the characters in my mind. They seem so real and its something that I wouldnt mind watching with my girlfriend if it comes to the world of tv. Keep some more coming I cant read to find out more. Gracie sounds like my kind of chick!!!" -- Robert, Florida.
"I like it alot!! Sounds like Beverly Hills 90210,which is my all time favorite show. I miss it so much. LOL! The storyline is great and I like the fact that its different.I thought that it was going to be some spin off copycat trying to be like FRIENDS. When I read it though it doesnt sound like it. I would love to read more about it though. I hope you get ready to introduce the other characters and let us know how the title relates to the storyline. Its called ROOMMATES but when are we going to hear about them? Anyways I like it and it rocks. All I want is more storylines to come my way!" -- Danielle, Utah.
"ROOMMATES like the title it caught my attention. I think the story is going great so far and I hope to read more about it. I want to hear more about this Leslie she sounds hott." -- Eric.
"I LOVE IT! THIS STORY SOUNDS GOOD AND I LOVE THE MAIN CHARACTER GRACIE. Gracie sounds like my girl. She is smart and comes back with something smart to say. She is representing Georgia. Thank god some writer thought about us southern girls for once. I like CB and listen do me a favor introduce the guys they sound like they are HOTTIES." -- Hallie, Georgia.
"All I have to say is this story is going to television. I want to read more about the other characters though. CB you have to keep writing this because it sounds good so far and when the other characters come in I know its going to be the best screenplay to hit the television waves!" -- Brad, Virginia.
"This sounds very GOOD! I like it so far and I cant wait to read more." -- Veronica, Kentucky.


Period by Carly Heath (2)
"I liked it. Sorry no one else seems to have viewed this piece.. it's actually quite entertaining. Good work!" -- Kai Zi Led.
"I think a film that around a woman privite would turn people off" -- Jeanette H, Spring Hill , Fl, Hernado.


In Way Over My Head by Chauncey Brummell (3)
"I think this is a good script it kinda of reminds me of Dawson's Creek meets Felecity. Its realistic to me I can picture the mother daughter scene where the daughter is arguing with her mother. It's different from other scripts that I have read. I love the character Rebbecca because she reminds me a little of me. I used to take gymnastics and I just love the character. Please keep more coming I cant wait to see what happens next. The only suggestion that I have i watch the gramatical errors. Keep up the good work it sounds good." -- Marlea Von Beck.
"I really like this script and I think its a start to something new.It reminds me of a BeverlyHills 90210 meets Dawson's Creek. I think CJ is a great writer and I can see this script going somewhere. Keep up the good work I can't wait for more to come. Tip please introduce more characters. Im dying to know whats going to happen next!!" -- Diane, Trenton, New Jersey.
"Chauncey. Firstly I think you should rework your spelling and punctuation. I know it's a screenplay, but you should still be grammatically correct. I also find the characters a bit one-dimensional. The story is moving forward okay, but you need to develop personalities so that your audience can relate to these characters. Perhaps a bit more dialog that isn't just related to the actual events, but gives us more insight into the different people" -- Ka_sey.


Agents (Special Forces) by Chauncey Brummell (17)
"This script is awsome okay there is nothing that beats this. It reminds me of the X-Men meets Alias. These agents are of the hook and the powers they possess is great. The script sounds so real that I feel like Im watching it right now. I hope this makes it to the television screen or whatever. It sounds really good and I cant wait to read more please keep this coming CB. It looks like it will be a big hit keep up the good work!" -- David.
"I like the plot and the story line I think its different. Also it features some information about the FBI and how the system works. With young teens in it I think it would be a huge hit among the young generation. I think the characters are realistic and you can already sense the different personalities each of them have. I think this script will be a huge hit keep up the good work!!!" -- Sarah.
"I like the story line its fresh. However I would like the FBI system to be explained a little more and tell a bit more on how the characters train to help them become FBI agents. The superhuman powers each character reminds me of X-Men which is awsome because I like the X-Men. Keep more coming I cant wait to read whats going to happen next." -- Vivica.
"I like this story line alot. I think its sort of like an X-Files script meets Mutant X. I like the idea of having teenagers wanting to work for the FBI. The characters are realistic and the superhuman abilities that each of them has is awsome. I hope CB keeps more coming so I can find out whats going to happen and if there is another character in the script that has superhuman ability. Keep up the good work CB!!!!!" -- Graham.
"This storyline is off the hook okay. The title is great the characters are sweet. Bianca sounds like my kind of girl. I think Logan is cool also. I like the whole bad type image he has. I think this script can go somewhere like big time. If you havent read this script your in for a ride okay people. You have got to read this. This script is going to be huge. Keep some more storylines coming!!!!!!" -- Rick.
"This script might be worth reading. It has alot of action to it and the writer is promising. The characters remind me of the X-Men. It looks like alot of people have been reading this so it might be worth reading. If you havent read your missing some great stuff!! I think it will be a big hit and to those who dont think it will then you dont know what true imagination really is. I want more characters introduce and I want the storylines to keep coming. You go CB!!!!!" -- Cindy.
"I like it. The spelling and grammar need to be checked a bit more but overall its good. The characters are real it seems and I can relate to one of the characters. I hope this makes it to television!!!!!!!" -- Natalie.
"All I can say is Agents ROCK!!!!!!!! This can be the newest action pack script to hit television. I think its great and the story line is big time. I know this will be the next big thing. I hope it makes it to television CB. You are going to win a golden globe dude!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" -- Jeff.
"Hmm, let me think about what this was like... just about every bad, over-used plot line/premise I've ever been unfortunate enough to see on TV or in the movies, rehashed into something even more unbelievably terrible. A clumsy, lumbering, poorly written script, and incredibly clicheed dialogue. It was like a nightmare -- the worst of Dawson's Creek meets the worst of the X-Files, overlaid with an incredible amount of blatant X Men/Mutant X rip-off. I can't believe you even had the nerve to post this thing. And I suspect that you wrote all those wonderful comments yourself -- they all seem to lack punctuation, just like this pathetic, worn-out screenplay. Which also lacks, may I add, pretty much all of the basic rules for a screenplay. If this ever makes it to TV, I'm throwing my television out the 4th-story window." -- Bitch.
"I agree with the BITCH so an extent. This script does sound like an X-Men/Mutant X ripoff. I think if your going to write something about the FBI you need to do your research. I like the idea the writer has,but he needs to really get into the script writing ordeal. The grammar needs a prayer. I think the BITCH is right about somethings,but I think with work this script can really turn out to be something. CB dont let anyone tell you that this cant be great. Only you can determine that." -- Chris.
"Okay so this script needs work but I kinda like it. True it needs grammar checking and punctuation,but so does alot of author's work on here. I think Pookies Elves is right stupid but you dont see anybody downing that shit. I like the script and I hope the writer keeps some work coming. I like to read more." -- Tim.
"I dont care what anybody says I like it. The agents is a great idea. I think the BITCH needs a reality check she's no damn english teacher. If this is a copycat of the X-Men/MutantX then the television world needs to get rid of all the FRIENDS wannabes on tv!! Nuff said!" -- Courtney.
"Personally I dont watch alot of action stuff but this sounds like it might be okay. I dont watch the X-Men or anything but I have younger children who do watch them. My sons would love to see something like this on television." -- Tammy.
"Okay like whatever. This sounds stupid okay the Agents?? I dont like it at all. Sounds too much like the X-Men. I hope you come up with something better than this my friend." -- Brooke.
"FINALLY! SOMEONE WHO AGREES WITH ME! THANK YOU BROOKE! Hey, CB, if you really wanna get this on TV why don't you turn it into some kind of cartoon and sell it to the WB? They'll buy anything." -- Bitch.
"PS Courtney... it's not only a copycat, it's a REALLY REALLY BAD copycat." -- Bitch.
"I just started reading, Agents,and so far,the small amount, that i did read, sounds pretty interesting. Just the format, and character description,and introduction,is done wrong. but, it does not sound, so bad,as Bitch, claims...well, so far." -- willie, baton rouge, louisiana.


To Fall In Love by Tony Green (2)
"This is a really great screenplay. I really don't like to read sappy love stories, but this was very interesting and a lot realer and touching than all the other love stories. A+" -- Kelly Williams, New York, New York.
"I was just hovering,Seems human touching points,I shall read it after printing pages. and put my impression online." -- shulamit melamed, herzlia, sharon, israel.


Martian Seashells by Joel Harper (4)
"Pretty good. Very Readable" -- dave.
"I like your taste in violence! More killings please!" -- Harvey.
"Um. Thanks (i think)" -- Author.
"Excellent, excellent, excellent." -- Me.


Heroes For Hire by Tom Pallett (2)
"one" -- kole.
"This script is very funny and very unusual, and I do hope you write more. However, you need to improve your grammar and spelling. Also, I couldn't figure out if the script was supposed to be set in a futuristic Earth, a different world, or what. However, the screenplay was good. I would like to see how you could make Quitiri be more involved in the plot." -- Hilary.


Night Clerk by Robin Taylor (1)
"Interesting. " -- Robert K. Tarquinio, Santa Monica, USA, California.


Lock-In: A Teen Dramedy by Robert G Hagans (1)
" Holy crap! This was absolutly one of the best screeplays I've read. I read it to the end in one sitting I was completely into it the whole way. I just had to see how it ended. I totally felt like all the charaters were real and unique (but I guess that comes from the fact that it's straight out of your life). I was happy with them and sad with them too. A perfect piece. Keep it up, please. I want more... To be constructive...I personally believe it could have done without so much foul language. It's true that that is the teen experiance but I feel like it did detract from the story. Other than that and the usual speeling mistakes and sucj it was awsome." -- Matthew White, USA, CA.


The Witchfinder General by Andrew J. Stephenson (5)
"*lol* This is cool. You're cool. Really though, I liked this a lot and I can't wait to read the rest. Keep up the magnificence. " -- Michael.
"Pure genius! While its totally warped in places this simply adds to the laughs which never seem to stop coming - Next Episode soon!!" -- Bob.
"What a cracking script, you should really be proud of yourself. Very, very funny!!!!" -- Steve Nolan, London.
"Well written, but I don't really like that kind of humor. Which means it will probably be a great success. Good luck!" -- Ivana.
"funny as all hell, it owns, hurry up and post the second on I can't wait." -- Tristan.


Student Accom: Enter The Lemming by Andrew J. Stephenson (2)
"CLAP, CLAP, CLAP, That is a fantastic script. I feel it took a while to get into, but after that it was great. Another great sitcom in the making." -- Steve Nolan, London.
"Wow, that was funny...good job mate. Great read." -- From Britian.


The Anti-Antichrist by Randall Flagg (2)
"Funny. Intelligent. Amusing. Well-written. Come on, people, don't be lazy and read this! You won't be sorry. About the author's warning: if you weren't offended by Little Nicky, you shouldn't be offended by this either. Have fun!" -- Ivana.
"Hey Randall, thought it was well past time I reviewed your work given I've sat next to you in the authors section for a couple of years now. This is quite an enjoyable piece, although for me it splits into several sections in the story; some are very good while others are less good. At the start, with the casual use of deities and angels as characters together with cultural mismatches between today's popular culture and spiritual elements including your straight biblical quotes actually creates a slight throwback to Rushdie's "Satanic Verses" which is very effective. However, throughout parts 2 and 3 the dialogue began to get quite shallow, the story gets a little convoluted (as in there are too many developments in the plot, too many characters being taken over by other beings and so forth, all a little too quickly) and the contrast between the differing worlds on Earth, Heaven and Hell began to get a little silly, they almost seemed self-satirising at times. Also, I found the story could have ended at any one of about six times towards the conclusion. It almost seemed like "The Shawshank Redemption" or "AI: Artificial Intelligence" if you have seen those films, in that there are numerous resolutions before the story is actually complete. That is not necessarily a bad thing, but I always think you should leave something to the audience's imagination rather than tying up all the loose ends, one at a time. Overall, however, it is a very competently written comedy. You clearly have the ability to make jokes out of touchy subjects and I would love to see you post some more works here. I think this script gives another fascinating angle to John Milton's quote, "Better to reign in Hell than to serve in Heaven" and you have a beautifully original vision of Hell that keeps the Dante Alighieri dream alive for a new century. One final point though, don't you think it's slightly predictable to have the son of Satan working in an insurance firm?" -- S J Fletcher.


Heat by Juan Apagado (1)
"Not bad, Juan. Your writing is quite good and done with care. That's a good sign. Keep it up and you'll get a breakthrough. I liked it." -- Randy Barfield.


The Festival Of The Dead by Shaun Michael Goldsmith (4)
"Very, very good. Well written, very readable, nice Roman version of any number of Detective series but with its own distinctive flair. But where's the rest of the story? " -- Glen.
"Glen: Thank-you very much for your comments. "Festival" is a work in progress and I will be adding to it as time goes. Stay tuned for more... Shaun" -- Shaun Goldsmith.
"A very interesting beginning, well written. Waiting to read the complete story." -- kookie, mumbai, india.
"Rather good, this. Interesting opening. What other scropts have you done?" -- Joel Harper.


I Want You by D Daniel Vujic (1)
"Thanks Daniel!! Your script will make a great explosion in Hollywood." -- Michael Skurnik, Brooklyn, NY, USA.


Clean Slate by Michael J Norman (1)
"The premise is nice; good work, but take care of some spelling. You could revise as novel, perhaps? [email protected] " -- H. E. Gurlitt, WA.


Window-Shopping by Lisamarie Jones (7)
"This is a really good script." -- Robert K. Tarquinio, Santa Monica, CA, USA.
"Your dialogue is decent...but your story is extremely cliche and predictable... if you want to get noticed, write characters that are 3-dementional, interesting, odd, quirky (watch Being John Malkovich)...write what your really passionate about, I can tell that you have no passion for this script. I understand where you are coming from, I'm 18 also and ended up throwing out my first 3 scripts and never finishing them, until I got this one idea that I was really passionate about and I actually finished it. Starting out can be tough, the trick is to watch movies and really analyze why they worked..but most importantly, AVOID cliche, if it's been done before then it's a cliche. Love stories and overcoming fear have been done before... write about how you see the world (see AMERICAN BEAUTY) and good luck in the future :)" -- Carly.
"Hi Carly - You could tell I had no passion for this script? That's a shame, because I did. I put everything into it - I'm sorry you disliked it. Luckily for me, I got a very encouraging letter today from a British production company, saying pretty much opposite to you. Perhaps you're not an expert. Oh well, we'll see." -- Lisamarie Jones, Brasted, UK.
"I didn't mean to dis you, I was just trying to offer constructive critisim. Congrats on the production company. Hope it goes well." -- Carly.
"Carly - Sorry. I shouldn't have said what I did. Iwould try to explain, but there's not much point, so please, accept my apology." -- Lisamarie.
"Never have I been so insulted by a work of fiction. (At least I pray it's fiction) .This is truely the producted of a warped and twisted mind. I am not offended by the quality of the work , albiet unmitigated crap with nothing to merit or justify it. It is not your fault that you'r not a naturaly talanted writer but it is your duty to realise and accept this, rather than resorting to sensationalist shock tatics. Peadifillia is a highly sensative issuse which has affected many and should be traeted with sensitivity. I was deeply offendedby the promoting of such a cruel act and the inference that "The kiddies like it realy". I hope that others are equaly upset by this twisted work . I have read this screenplay and hope that because I have done this others will not have to. Take it from me that unless you are sexualy frustarated or a pervert/peadifile, this screenplay will sicken you. Stay away. Boycott this depravity!" -- Barry Noman.
"I just wanted to say that the above has nothing to do with this script. Well, perhaps the parts about not having talent or whatever, but I honestly can say there is nothing about paedophilia in this story. It's a love story between two adults, a man and a woman. There's not even any sex here! Anyway, just wanted to clear that up, and if the whoever who wrote to above would like to discuss this further, then please email me at [email protected] I think you need to learn how to read." -- Lisamarie - The Writer, Brasted, UK.


Moonspender by Victoria King (1)
"Difficult to follow as the characters are not fully described in the begining. Several typos distract from the plot as well as scene changes are not detailed. Dialogue is well presented in the first scenes but rambles and then picks up again to an expected finish. With some editing and rewrite, this could be salvaged. " -- David Alkin, Mission Viejo, Calif, USA.


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