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Short Stories - Reviews |
Christmas Conundrum by Colin Baker (8) "really clever, nicely done. but i too would like to know the answer, life is so confusing." -- curious. "Hi Curious and thanks for reading. I agree, it is a tricky question. Perhaps a somewhat amusing 'conundrum' from a parental / adult perspective (I think so anyway), yet a truely confusing one through the eyes of a child. " -- Colin Baker. "loved it. That's all that needs to be said, it doesn't need improving and there are no faults in it what so ever. Well done. " -- John H Pallister. "Hi John Pallister and thank you so very much for these very kind comments. The writing was inspired by a question asked of me by my youngest daughter recently following a shopping outing; namely why so many Santas all over town dad ? A tough question to answer on the spot too !" -- Colin Baker. "This is good! (Cute, too). I reminds me of a truly scary-looking Santa I saw in our local shopping centre yesterday, with a whole heap of parents lining up to take their very reluctant-looking children to see him. Hilarious! " -- Debbie Kean, Auckland, New Zealand. "Hello Debbie and thanks for posting comments. Some of your country folk were recently over this part of the world (Wales, UK) to play a game that they are rather good at. Can you guess what that game was ? Yes, rugby!" -- Colin Baker. "Ehmm..m. Sehr gut Seite! Ich sage innig..!:) bmw" -- BMW, ..., ..., .... "Hello BMW and Sehr gut Seite thanks !" -- Colin Baker. Singapore Excution Of Mr. Nguyen by Amarjit Bhambra (8) "Well it is good to see that someone has taken notice of this issue. I am an Austrailan and i suppose that we all had expected that he would have gotten off, it is however a great malfeasance that this has happened, however, there is also the other side to look at, how many people would have died indiectly from this drug that he has tried to bring into my country. However i guess i shouldn't pass judgement on a situation that i haven't lived through. Great poem anyway. Peace." -- Hugh. "I am a New Zealander and I feel that capital punishment is totally barbaric. There is no excuse for it! It doesn't matter what the condemned person had done, or been convicted of. An excellent poem, but it shouldn't be categorised as humour. " -- Debbie Kean, Auckland , New Zealand. "DEAR HUGH Thank for your comments, I speak from the heart - when l also read that the hang man was a Darshan Singh - ( i was totally disgusted with his job- he has tarnished our religion because the name Singh is my religion. We do not preach Barbaric, brutal, cruel degrading and inhuman acts. we preach equality, brotherhood justice and truth. Hence why particulary came interested in this topic. If you have time you are welcome to read a poem l have written called the sikh way of life. which was written on the type of people we really are - we are NO WAY LIKE DARSHAN SINGH the man who carried out over 4OO hangings in a Barbaric way." -- Amarjit Bhambra, Hayes, England. "Dear Debbie, thank for the time for reading. I think this punishment was a harsh, Mr. Nguyen did not murder anyone - therefore he should have instead be given a chance to live. God resides in every heart. Mr. Nguyen had found God, he was praying the rosery before he died. The hangman killed him - he killed the God inside Mr. Nguyen. I am sure the Singapore's Government could have given him life sentence in stead and given his life a chance maybe to a job to clean the prison or made Mr. Nguyen a chance to study and showed the World - that Singapore stopped the hanging and changed to a Better Govenment by also stopping the hanging and showing the World that a crooked man and be made striaght. I think that Singapore is very narrow minded. I wouldn't dream of sending my family to Singapore (Just incase some one trys to put a small pack in my laggage.) can you just imagine it?" -- Amarjit Bhambra, Hayes, England. "Mate (Debbie), i WASN'T trying to say that the judgement was deserving or that it should be allowed, i was simply trying to pose a different side of perception. Have you ever lost anyone to heroin, i am sure that if you spoke to a parent who had lost a child to such a disgusting... drug then you could perhaps have a different perception. Mate, did you know that the amount of heroin he was carrying would have equated to between $600,000 and 1 million on the streets, his brother needed only $40 000 for his debt, and dont tell me he would have donated the rest to charity. BUT, just so you know, i believe life to be sacred and the taking of it obscene, and that everyone deserves a second if not 3rd chance with most things. And Amarjit i am familiar with the beliefs of your people and i totally understand what you are and are not. Once again thank you for writing this poem and please continue to post. Peace." -- Hugh. "hmmm... good poem. i loved it, but i have to disagree on the not killing him part. its meant to be a deterrant to let other people know that they shouldnt do it. besides, he knew the consequences." -- singapore girl. "To Singapore girl, Whatever the consequences - l personally have my own opionion.i do not agree that doing drugs are a good thing because l have children of my own - just think that what if this was my child. Believe you me - my children do not and are not aware of what goes on in the World - and l think that maybe Nguyen was not aware of the consequences and might have been used as a guinea pig or a mule and not aware." -- Amy, Hayes, England. "Today, A Heathrow British Prisoner was released from Pakistan, (he says that his thoughts are with the other prisoner in Jail there) Britain has helped with his release whereas N.Z did try to help the release of Nguyen was he had to face the Death sentence. Any comments. Some Priminsters Listen and some don't." -- Amy, london, UK. 'why Me?' And 'bruised' And 'for The First Time' by Chloe L Batey (12) "just want to commend your talent at such a young age...pain never goes away we just learn how to deal with it, love yourself and let others be lucky enough to be loved by you...huggles**" -- km. "Thx KM. most of my friends have stopped now and i was writing these poems in their perspective." -- Chloe. "Thats deep CLB, I really like 'For the first time' Its an interesting perspective and very emotive." -- Dj PaddyB, Cronulla. "Thx UPB. any criticism?" -- Chloe . "i liked all of them. i thought 'for the first time' was emotional and intersting" -- Sarah-Louise. "thx SL. :) i think you know who they're about" -- Chloe. "HI Smo,"Why me" confused me a bit. Some of your set out seams to not flow with how it is read and I did not understand the "and my anger, me and death" bit. Bruised and For the first time I thought were really good pieces of writing. BB " -- Bruce, Milperra, NSW, Australia. "I'll try to fix up the spelling and everything up. Thanks for reviewing." -- chloe. "hey Chloe.. it`s deep..i like it ^-^ it shows an emotional && interesting aspect && wow ..hehe" -- TayLz, Aust.. "Thanks TayLz, for reviewing :P" -- chloe. "i admire the last four lines of Bruised-the message sent is so powerful-in particular the line "let me escape from from your soul"-to me it is saying to not be hurt by the death but to just let go and i think thats what stops a lot of people from actually committing suicide-the guilt of hurting those around you-anyway i loved it " -- kira. "Thankyou again Kira. I'm glad you liked it" -- Chloe. Single And Unique by L Jay (3) "It's good. Perhaps write a middle, transitional part between the youth and the older age." -- Gregory Allen. "Thanks for the comment, I wasn't sure where to go with it really, it was based on something I wrote years ago and developped." -- l Jay. "Thanks for the idea, have tried to add the middle section but not sure if it was a bit rushed? any ideas?" -- l Jay. How It Feels by Briony Carvalho (2) "This is so moving, you are so lucking to have someone that makes you write like this. Brilliant!" -- Tamsin Butler. "Yeah, should look first, sometimes there's a cowpat there, sometimes you land on them and crush 'em. The amount of splattered men I've left behind and the amount of poop on my shoes it's lucky I haven't given in!" -- Briony. A To Z Of Adolescence by Colin Baker (2) "clever alphabetizing, taking away their cell phones would probably be the best solution." -- curious. "Hi curious and thanks..At present, I would like to do more than take their mobile phones from them, by which I mean of course that I would love to have a calm, friendly chat with the siblings concerned, following which, I could SCREAM OUT AT THE TOP OF MY VOICE SOME REALLY RUDE WORDS...." -- Colin Baker. Zinnias And Tea by Randall Barfield (1) "It deserves another verse. Yes, it does. " -- dee. Written By His Hand by M Q Walters (5) "This is very emotive, and captured your feelings very well." -- Debbie, Auckland, New Zealand. "Thank you Debbie " -- mattie. "this is terrific, nice memory to hold on to." -- curious. "Ditto those above. Tears and smiles seem to fit right together in memories like these. Well said." -- Fire Keeper. "Thank you curious...and fire keeper it is true about memories like these...for me tears always seem to dampen the smiles" -- mattie. Who Was That Masked Man by R L Anderson (2) "nice work, did he happen to have an indian by the name of tonto with him by any chance?" -- curious. "no not really" -- wanda. Twisted Analytical Egotistical Freaky Geek by John H Pallister (2) "nice rant with some colorful wording I don't think we'll see this in christian weekly have a great day" -- fh, canada. "you remind me of myself, lol, keep up the good work ;) " -- katy , fla. Today Not Yesterday by Andrews (2) "Congrats another wonderful poem!" -- Emma. "Almost dark,but not, so deep very powerful." -- Elizabeth. To Me From You by Andrews (2) "Really well worded, simple to the point, not Elongated. Well done!" -- Emma. "sweet poem relevent words and great use o tone." -- Elizabeth. The Nightingale by Chloe L Batey (4) "Easily my favourite, i liked it alot. Keep it up. Peace." -- Hugh. "Thanks again Hugh. Ilove your work,when's the next one?" -- Chloe. "not bad. I liked it, which is good becasue i don't usually like poetry. so good job. i'll read some others of yours." -- sf. "Glad I changed your mind then. And I'll be glad to 'hear' from you again." -- Chloe . The Mythical Creature by Briony Carvalho (2) "I love this one, very dry sense of humour and well written. Great job!" -- Tamsin. "i don't know how i missed this but now it's found and i'm glad. really clever though my image of the mystical reviewer was shrouded in black with some really rotten breath, damn, another myth shattered." -- curious. The Moon by Andrews (2) "Wonderful poem, I could almost view the moon from what you wrote." -- Elizabeth. "I enjoyed the use of the way that you used the rhymes they worked and made sense. The poem was a great read. " -- Emma. The International Language by John H Pallister (1) "True!" -- Debbie Kean, Auckland, New Zealand. The Believer by Andrews (2) "I loved the flow of the poem. Fab job, well done. " -- Emma. "Wonderfully consistant. I love it!" -- Elizabeth. Surviving After Loss by R L Anderson (1) "touching, that must be a hard place to be. nice of you to think of your friend." -- curious. Sensual Daydream- by Josh Anderson (1) "Wow. This is great, it's so descriptive and real, I love it!" -- Tamsin Butler. Peace Of Mind by Andrews (2) "Fantastic flow of the poem " -- Emma. "I love the style its so simple to understand " -- Elizabeth. Negative Thoughts by Andrews (2) "I love the pace of the layout." -- Emma. "Wonderful great writing!" -- Elizabeth. Misty by Sara Bernal (5) "Very good" -- patricia. "This is such a good poem, please keep writing" -- Eric Menoit. "Why it is so deep, why it is so sad and good!?" -- Gilbert. "Finalmente posso ler mais seus poemas. Esse e muito surrealista e eu me identifico ." -- Vicente Costa. "somewhere, someplace, someone. That�s me. Congratulations!" -- Adria. Lost & (Haven't) Found Me by C Stretch (2) "not too bad. interesting though. keep growing with your writing." -- Jonathon Brannon, CA. "Yay, cool, ^-^ Thanks! I think I have this thing of writing when I'm tired, my critical thinking isn't really awake then. All the while, thanks for the review! And I will continue to try and write more often." -- C Stretch, USA, VA. Light A Candle by Andrews (2) "wonderful wording choice. " -- Elizabeth. "easy reading emotional wording" -- Emma. Just Like You by Lady Sashi (1) "Finally! Someone who can be open about who they are! As a fellow pagan, I CAN RELATE! Thank you for speaking out. Sometimes it is all too lonely out here. And all we witches have is each other. Blessed be. Sincerely Michael J. Smith" -- Michael J. Smith, Joplin, Mo, United States. In The Image Of My God by Anna Maikavasa (1) "Really good!! clear and easy to understand... excellent.." -- chloe. I Thought Time Was My Friend by Curious (9) "Cut her loose " -- Brett. "Dude this is stupid." -- Steve. "Not stupid...curious, but sad. Hope it isn't real for you." -- mattie. "brett, u seem to come out of nowhere, last time it was naked men and chemical warfare, i guess it makes sense somewhere, somehow. mattie, sure nice thought but where's the shoulder to cry on huh? booooo. oh i forgot i ignored steve." -- curious. "Have you ever done time? Would you like to?" -- Brett. "well only if you count the 3 years at folsum, still remember how upset my girlfriend mike was when i got released. so sad, thanks for caring." -- curious. "Hi Curious..I read the poem (and comments) with interest. I read your other poem also, and both are clearly (to my mind) emotive pieces that are telling the story of someone (you or someone else ) to come to terms with the abstract concept of love / dying love. I like the way the poem is structured, as you might have guessed, i'm a great fan of anyone who generally challenges the norm in literature. I do it all the time. Makes for some great comments too ! I will resist offering advice as to the above work, not least because it may not relate to you directly, though I kind of get the feeling it does. If it's any consolation, you're not the only one who knows not how to extricate themselves from some of life's jollities. By the way, returning to the comments for this work, I read a few lines of each for a second or third time and began to think that they might make great material for a poem in their own right. Good luck !" -- Colin Baker. "Now I know you aren't gay so you should stop teasing everyone. as for your poem don't you think that it's really time to get over her." -- Steffe. "thanks so much for the review colin and unfortunately i guess there's lots of us seeking the way out, some of the comments are indeed interesting - speaking of which, i think steve and steffie are the same - some sort of trans-gender or something perhaps?" -- curious. How I Feel by Andrews (2) "I really liked the poem, very funky, it spoke to me." -- Emma . "Deep,meaningful. Full of emotion." -- Elizabeth. Guys Are Lucky by Curious (7) "As a guy, these are all true, except the tux rental. With a large wedding party, the groom gets his for free. We are simple, but make great pets." -- Fire Keeper. "uuuggghhh! nuff said" -- lynn. "ITs true, however blunt, and i like it because of it. Peace." -- Hugh. "Men rule. Women blow." -- lynn. "that's not neccissarily a bad thing i'd say:), nice to see u again lynn." -- curious. "Thought I would check out your work as you kindly looked at mine. loved the poem, oh so true, you guys get all the luck. wanna swop! " -- Kate Kerrison. "This is great!! I can't believe how much truth is in it!! Thanks for sharing this one with us curious! Love it." -- Green Emerald. Fruitless by Curious (7) "I like this. Not a single wasted word. I can relate, as well." -- Fire Keeper. "Nice curious...I also really liked the other post...what happened to it? " -- mattie. "thanks both of you for the comments, as for my last couple posts i've pulled them because i haven't been happy with the the way they came out, just can't seem to get my words right. grrrrrr" -- curious. "i'm sure you werent the only one. good thing memeories always stay. happy holidays curious and God bless" -- michelle. "memories fade, good and bad, just takes forever for some of them, thanks for the holiday wishes and the same to you, as for the blessing part, God can be a bit mischievous, sometimes. i think the season brings out his elf side." -- curious. "I loved this poem Curious. Moving, true and I couldn't put it better than Fire Keeper. Happy New Year (you may have an empty room but there's always someone watching in cyberspace! x)" -- Briony. "Short but Sweet." -- Green Emerald. Frigid Rain by M Q Walters (7) "nice write Mattie real nice flow ,some real good wordings really like the lines even as wine sours upon your tongue wicked tunes by demons are sung ,have a great weekend" -- fh, canada. "Very nice indeed. I enjoyed reading this. The structure, wording and flow are very well done." -- CW. "Thnax fh...blah Monday! Thanx CW" -- mattie. "boy are u gonna be mad at me, i think u've way too much forced rhyme in the beginning, after the first six lines it seems much more natural and the flea bitten dog line is really cool. hope this didn't come across as mean, wasn't meant that way:(" -- curious. "Heck can't get mad about an honest, constructive review...but I'll leave it like it is...thanx curious for taking the time to read and review :) " -- mattie. "Lie with dogs, get fleas! Nah, I didn't see the rhymes as forced. Loved it!" -- mandi. "Thanx mandi" -- mattie. Encore The Tears by M Q Walters (2) "Good Show. Especially like the "Kaleidoscope of anguish". " -- Fire Keeper. "Thank you Fire Keeper" -- mattie. Don't Let This Farewell Be Forever.... by Reema Parwaiz Khan (2) "Reema i really like this piece, it seems as though you've put alot of thought into and the fact that you wrote it from a moments inspiration reflects your skill ...have a great day" -- kristen karlson. "Thank you for liking it! :) Your kind compliment has already made my day! :D" -- Reema. Day Of Thanks by R L Anderson (3) "This is just above average, it had good parts in it but a few things let it down, i don't think it flows to well. The content of it is good i like that first part alot, this kept me interested to read more. I think you could restructure it and maybe see if you can make it flow better. At the moment it reads like a list, a good detailed list, but not quite a good enough poem. Hope i'm not too harsh and see what other people think. " -- John H Pallister. "This poem conveys the emotion thankfulness, and gives an insight into a tradition from a culture foreign to my own. " -- Debbie, Auckland, New Zealand. "I appreciate the critique....thanks " -- R L A. Damn The Memory by M Q Walters (3) "hey Mattie this one seems personal. nice write you can feel the emotion coming through." -- fh , canada. "Well written, the emotion does come through, but with good control. I know what it's like to damn such memories and I couldn't have said it better." -- Fire Keeper. "Thanks fh, most of what I write is personal to some degree or another...thanks Fire Keeper, seems all good memories are crowded out by the last one...all I can say is damn the memory!" -- mattie. Beautiful Land by Dri (3) "With His love....God made this land....and with His love....He made your heart!!! And now you are together....and I am with you both....to enjoy this land....and enjoy your love....and walk side by side with you through it. When the sun comes up, it is brighter.... and when it sets....it is more beautiful....because you are here !!!! I love you babe...... Steve " -- Steve, pa, usa. "welcome to your new home, hope it is everything you wished for." -- curious. "thank you so much for your kind wish and comment. " -- dri, pa, usa. Another Lover by WilliffordDG (2) "wow, quite a revalation, sex is quite powerful and can be so dangerous, hopefully things will get better for you." -- curious. "DEB!!!!!! So good to see you posting...email me dear [email protected] Hope all is well! Happy holidays! " -- km (karen). A Last Goodbye by Kristen Karlson (4) "hey Kristen I though this was really good you seem to be very talented ,this all flowed real well and didn't stray the only stumbling area I had was at the part "just to be ignored" I'm no poet so it may just be me,just a thought maybe change that line to something like "something you never saw" ,to rhyme with thaw ,anyhow just a thought for you. have a great day." -- fh, canada. "thanks for the review fh, and the advice! i hadn't even realised that the line didn't rhyme. I like your suggestion, and i'll be looking into changing it...thanks and you have a great day too" -- kristen. "I agree with fh based on the pattern you establish in the rest of the verses, but don't get too hung up on the rhyme in general. If it rhymes naturally, great, but don't force the rhyme for the sake of "poetry", so to speak. The words and feelings should come first. I'm a relative novice, but I've found the art more fulfilling when I am true to my feelings and not the rhyme. Sorry for the ramble. Very nice work." -- Fire Keeper, US. "i really enjoyed your 'ramble' firekeeper :) i know what you mean...i just wrote as the ideas and feelings came to me... thanks" -- kristen. A Flower Today In Words by Randall Barfield (2) "So-so. Could have left this one out, and it would not have been missed. " -- dee. "I did like this poem. It reminded me that a friend is like a flower that we enjoy en route to heaven as we endure lifes ups and downs. Thankyou for submitting it." -- ann gordon. A Broken Love by Kristen Karlson (6) "Welcome to storymaina Kristen, i like this piece, i hope that you may have sought this situation out. Peace." -- Hugh. "i think u did a terrific job on this, tough situation for a young person, hope it's just your imagination at work here." -- curious. "Thanks guys, not to worry...i'm extremely happy, it just came to me as i wrote it" -- kristen. "This is really great. Glad to hear you are happy. The emotion is very convincing regardless of age. Very impressive." -- Fire Keeper, US. "thanks for the feed back fire keeper. glad you liked it" -- kristen. "Pretty Good for a starter. Emotions collected in sequence and protrayed, makes an interesting reading. Good work." -- V.R.Sridharan, Chennai, Tamilnadu, India. 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